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Dun Dada: Fantasy-Picking Kimbo Slice’s Opponent For His Bellator Debut

(And to think, had Kimbo landed his signature headbutt to the groin that night, EliteXC might still be in operation. Photo via Divulgação.)

By CagePotato reader BJ Last

Welcome back to Sliceworld! The man who took the internet by storm in 2003, turned into a popular MMA circus act in 2007, fell from relevance in 2010, started boxing jobbers in 2012, and everyone sort of forgot about in 2014, is now signed with the second biggest MMA promotion in the world. The only question remaining now — aside from why? and also huh? — is who should be Slice’s first opponent under the Bellator banner? Scott Coker & Co. have two options, as far as I see it:

1) They can try to find Slice a “legitimate” (yes, there’s a reason for air quotes) opponent in an attempt to rebuild him as a genuinely dangerous MMA fighter.

2) They can channel their inner Japanese MMA promotion and go full freakshow.

I’ll tell you what I want (what I really, really want), or at least what I see as the most likely options for each scenario. Let’s start with the “legitimate” opponents…

Tito Ortiz – This is the most likely (and probably least interesting) option. Despite what some people think, this fight makes the most sense for Bellator and Ortiz. Bellator gets to have a main event with two name fighters, and could pack the card with other prospects in the hope that people tuning in for this fight will also watch the, you know, talented people on the card. That’s pretty much what Bellator did with their first pay-per-view, and it’ll give Tito a three-fight win streak to carry in against the winner of Liam McGeary vs. Emanuel Newton for the light-heavyweight title.

What’s that? You say Ortiz has already shut down the idea of a potential fight with Slice? Well, methinks that the man who has fought an undersized middleweight and a retired steroid abuser thus far in his Bellator run can be persuaded.

RematchJames Thompson is currently under contract with Bellator and Seth Petruzelli has said he’d come out of retirement for a rematch. There are only 2 problems with these potential matchups. 1) No one would care who won and 2) There’s no real benefit to Bellator if either Thompson or Petruzelli pick up a win.

Ok, so they’re pretty big problems.

Someone Without a Wikipedia Page – If Bellator wants Kimbo to win so that they have enough footage to hype his next fight, they need to give him the UFC’s CM Punk treatment (or the Sokoudjou Bellator debut treatment), a.k.a an obscure/underskilled opponent. Then again, the last time a promotion had Kimbo face a part-time, semi-retired fighter, it didn’t end well for the promotion. And by not end well, I mean the semi-retired fighter KO’d Kimbo in under 20 seconds, causing the promoter to lose his shit cage-side and eventually sinking the entire promotion. If Bellator wants an opponent they can be sure Kimbo will beat, they’ll need to go the Milwaukee MMA matchmaking route.

Eric Prindle – Just because Bellator could re-use most of the greatest promo video ever.

On Page 2, we get a little more creative with our matchmaking efforts…

next page >

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