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Kimo Leopoldo Wants to Come to Your High School and Talk About Drugs (Only Not the Way You Think)


(Kimo is upset about your 2.7 GPA, but only because he knows you could do better if you would just apply yourself.)

Kimo Leopoldo’s campaign/publicity stunt to become executive officer of the California State Athletic Commission continues this week, as a press release sent out on his behalf accuses the CSAC of widespread corruption and cover-ups, claiming, "Somebody or some group apparently is trying to hide the degree of corruption in CSAC," in part because former executive director Armando Garcia "was allegedly caught with $350,000 (in cash) in his locker, but he was allowed to resign instead of being prosecuted."

Leopoldo claims that once he’s in charge he’ll allow the staff to stay in their positions if they cooperate with an FBI investigation, and says, “temporary executive officer Dean Lohouis isn’t any different than Armando [Garcia]. The CSAC needs change and I’m willing to provide therapy.”

Get it?  “Kimo” therapy?  Like the excruciating treatment for cancer patients?  It’s a play on words.

The good news is Leopoldo would also like to bring his message of ‘I did steroids so you don’t have to’ to California high schools:

“I think it’s better to instill good habits in a young person as opposed to trying to break bad habits when you’re older,” KIMO said as he prepared to schedule to his campaign trail. “Since most MMA fighters seem to be coming out of my backyard in southern California, I want to talk to local wrestlers about the benefits of staying drug free and how to remain positive even when times seem too tough. I don’t want anyone to make the same mistakes I made and, if I can save just one young person, my efforts will be worthwhile.”
 

Give the man this much: as a cautionary tale to warn kids about what will happen to them if they use steroids, it doesn’t get a whole lot scarier than Kimo. 

However, I would like to point out that calling the CSAC a bunch of criminally corrupt jerks may not be the best way to get a job with them.  It’s like when I applied for that internship with Nike and began the interview by putting my Lebrons on the HR guy’s desk and demanding he explain to me how a chunk of leather and plastic sewn together by Thai orphans could possibly cost $140.  Let’s just say he wasn’t interested in my proficiency with Microsoft Excel after that.

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Jay- February 17, 2009 at 6:41 am
Kimo: Ok kids, lesson #1 don't get caught holding. Use your friend's bunghole if you have to, but don't get caught holding.
someguy- February 16, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Kimo Arrested For Meth Feb/16/09. Way to set an example you fucking asshole.
poutine2dabone- February 12, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Why is Jesus pooping on Kimo's stomach?
Quasicholo- February 12, 2009 at 9:37 am
the thai orphans have to do something with their lives until they're old enough to shoot darts and ping pong balls at drunk sailors out of their pussies.
Jason- February 12, 2009 at 7:43 am
Kimo sounds like my crazy Uncle Tim with his conspiracy theories about the CSAC. My uncle use some company on the front porch with his shotgun watching for UFOs or government agents coming to get him.

As for the speaking to high school athletes I'm sure he could give them some excellent pointers on how to score the good stuff and how not to cycle since he got caught.
Jay- February 12, 2009 at 6:10 am
Good for him for having a dream. It might be delusional but just like the guy on my corner screaming at imaginary cats, maybe someone will wonder if what he's saying has some truth to it.
emptyhandkiller- February 12, 2009 at 5:25 am
Kimo has brain rot from steroids. Here he is, a washed up fighter with no options. Did he go to night school for plumbers while a fighter? NO. Did he complete his correspondence school course for brain surgeons while a fighter? NO. Did he offer to apprentice as a fry cook while a fighter? NO. Did he buy a pair of pliers and yank out hemmhoroids for cash? NO. Kimo, you could have had a career once your fighting days were over, but you squandered everything. NO, you cannot run the CSAC, no matter how idiotic and corrupt they may be. Go away.
Chinstroker- February 12, 2009 at 3:09 am
Lying, cheating and taking steriods sure does qualify him as an industry spokesman. Unfortunately, caliming to have 'found god' or 'be born again' qualifies him as a guy not in full possession of his own mind, overcome with irrational thought, and unable to handle logic to arrive at blindingly obvious conclusions. Definately not the sort of role model that should be addressing school children.
Eagertman- February 12, 2009 at 2:39 am
Most of you are a bunch of numb-nuts in need of castration.

Kimo is onto something, atleast support him with his endeavor ... talking trash about people gets old real fast, fuckers.

If I get any spam email after this.... cagepotato is going DOWN.
Me- February 11, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Wait wait wait agentsmith... do you realize what you said? Perhaps your wording was off?
hlebtastic- February 11, 2009 at 6:44 pm
while kimo will not get this job i like the fact that he is calling these people out. shit is fucked up, i've watched the wire
Young, dumb, and full of cum- February 11, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Hey, someone blew a load on his stomach.
Anonymous- February 11, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Look... I'm tired of all the Thai sweatshop bashing on this site. The truth is, Nike makes dreams come true.

It's real easy... a Thai orphans labor as an adolescent working in a Nike factory is used to purchase wig and make-up to entertain tourists on stage at shows during the pre-teen years.

Money earned on stage as a pre-teen is used for implant and nut-tuck surgery as a teenager to work as a lady-boy in a bar.

Lady-boy bar money earned in teen years is used for gender reassignment surgery to work in a "massage" parlor as a young adult pleasing all the French tourists and ex-pat pedophiles previously featured on "Dateline: To Catch a Predator."

Massage parlor money is used to bribe passport officials and obtain a visa to the U.S. to come and visit some lonely, middle-aged, twice-divorced former American sailor who he/she met last summer when said sailor was vacationing in Thailand, which he does every year because he remembers Bangkok being the best port during his days of service due to the fun new uses he learned for a ping-pong ball and a cigarette in a strip club when there during one stop-over. Since this is the only attention this man now receives from the opposite, or semi-opposite sex, he marries this poor Thai person, and they live in somewhat happily ever after in a relationship that manages to be completely co-dependant, yet totally void of any actual emotional connection to the other person until the sailor dies, and leaves what little money he has left to his (sort-of) wife.

While the old sailor's children might be angry for being left out of his will, you can clearly see how Nike's sweatshop has forever altered the lives of these people and made multiple dreams come true. Happy endings for all!
Anonymous- February 11, 2009 at 4:39 pm
dude sucks balls. just cause he conveniently found jesus while lying and cheating and doing drugs doesn't qualify him for anything other than staying away from playgrounds.. go pump gas fuckwad and get another stomach tattoo
ample- February 11, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Haha Ong Bak is great, dirty balls atrocious weiner...not so much
BRITS ARE SMELLY- February 11, 2009 at 3:51 pm
kimo therapy = hair pull/elbow to balls/good talking to...
he should host intervention on a&e. if you start to cry, he stands up and front kicks the shit out of you!
greg jackson is a sex offender- February 11, 2009 at 3:16 pm
lol at kimo therapy
Perdew- February 11, 2009 at 3:15 pm
$140 is a small price to pay for thai orphans soul. actually it's quite the steal. i had to blow that dude DIRTY BALLS from ong bak. and his dick is atrocious.
Anonymous- February 11, 2009 at 3:02 pm
4th?
Matt Serra- February 11, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Somebody piss on this fuckin' turd
agentsmith- February 11, 2009 at 2:47 pm
im also Tuf guy 's < cockholder > it gets real heavy
agentsmith- February 11, 2009 at 2:46 pm
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