King Mo is pro wrasslin’ tonight. I learned this by looking at the above poster, which was posted on his Instagram last night. According to all sources, this event is an actual thing that is happening. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
I have so, so many questions about this poster: Why is “The Beast” wearing a Tron outfit? Where does one obtain a degree from the House of Hardcore? Or is that like when someone says that they graduated the School of Hard Knocks, The Streets, or ITT Tech?
Is “Macho Man Richie Boombots” the most hackneyed, unforgivably terrible wrestling nickname of all time? On the contrary, is “Merican Mayde” the greatest? Do you think the member of “Merican Mayde” doing the bird hands is a member of the 19th Street Gangsters? Why isn’t “Senor Entertainment’s” name “Senor Entretenimiento,” you know, so that both words are actually in Spanish? Does Flash (or maybe he’s Cash) have the most uninspired costume of all time? Is he wearing that pink headband in support of breast cancer?
Do you think Mikey Mondelli is on TRT? Because that pose kind of suggests that he’s on TRT. Why is Sidney Jones so serious? Did he just find out that the big break he thought he was about to have is taking place in an MMA gym following a BJJ belt ceremony? And why, oh why, did he not choose a more intimidating wrestling name than Sidney? Unless that his actual name, in which case, do you think his parents chose to be emancipated from him?
Does King Mo wear that crown everywhere, kind of like how Tim Sylvia treated his UFC belt? Does he bring it into the bedroom? Or do you think he just dons it during his post-coital pee while posing like Captain Morgan? Is this the low or high point of his professional wrestling career? It’s the low, isn’t it? Do you think Mo hates Felice Herrig?
Related: There are reports floating around that former UFC light heavyweight champion Rashad Evans might be leaving MMA behind for a career in professional wrestling. He apparently cited his ongoing knee problems as the reason for his potential departure. I’ll just allow you to chew on that for a minute.