(You thought the fight was messy…)

Three KJ Noons stories in one day? It feels like that episode of “The Twilight Zone” where everyone looked like pigs except for the one blonde girl, only instead of everyone looking like pigs they’re all talking about KJ Noons, which is even crazier. I don’t know who would be the blonde girl in this analogy, but you get the point.

Insane though it may be, this is too good not to report. You remember the deadline put forth by Jared Shaw? Where he said KJ Noons had until 5 pm today to agree to the bout with Nick Diaz, and if he didn’t he would face the dreaded “public opinion” as a consequence? Well, get your opinions ready, because according to Noons’ manager, Mark Dion, they aren’t concerned in the least with Shaw’s ultimatum:

“The update on [the deadline] is nothing is going to happen with it,” Dion said. “That’s what’s going to happen with that. I don’t care about how many threats [Shaw] wants to pull. We’ll be doing a press conference if EliteXC doesn’t see the light here pretty soon and if Shaw doesn’t stop talking [expletive].”

“As far as Nick Diaz, he’s not the No. 1 contender out there,” Dion said. “To [EliteXC] he is. He’s the number one (for getting) eyeballs to (watch) them. They’re pushing on eyeballs versus a career move for a champion like KJ. KJ is really not the one who gets anything out of the fight. Diaz does and so does ProElite.”

“We’ll do a press conference to discuss everything,” Dion said. “But there’s nothing in it for KJ unless [EliteXC] finally wakes up a little bit. That’s why we’ll have a press conference. I don’t like to talk and beat a company that’s already beat down. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully they’ll see the light.”

Looks like the relationship between KJ Noons/Mark Dion and Elite XC/Jared Shaw just went from unfriendly to straight-up hostile. Dion just had to go and mention that Pro Elite is struggling. That’s like bringing someone’s mother into the argument. Now this thing is personal.

The point about Diaz not being a number one contender, but rather simply Elite XC’s number one contender is an interesting one. You could argue that Noons isn’t really a lightweight champ, but rather just Elite XC’s lightweight champ, though then you’d just be stating the obvious. So who does Dion think should get the shot?

“I would think Eddie Alvarez is the No. 1 contender,” Dion said. “He’s definitely ranked higher than Nick Diaz. KJ already beat Nick Diaz.”

When told that Alvarez was unavailable to fight because he’s taking time off to get married, Dion responded, “that’s not our problem…People get married in five or 10 minutes.”

Clearly, Mark Dion is not only a master negotiator, but also a totally sweet dude. People do get married in five or ten minutes. That’s a fact. So what now, Elite XC?

At this point, some of you are probably wondering, isn’t this brash Mark Dion character the same guy who was involved in the Brandon Vera-UFC contract debacle? The answer is yes, but don’t bring that up unless you’ve got a minute:

“Look at Brandon Vera,” Dion said. “He had a long layoff, but he’s making more money than the No. 1 ranked [expletive] fighter in the world, Anderson Silva — or the same amount.

“And now Anderson Silva is getting Bud Light sponsorships from (UFC President) Dana (White) handed down to him. He’s getting to fight at 205 (pounds). He’s kind of telling them what he wants to do. Why? Because you got people like Brandon Vera, who’s on a losing streak and not performing, making more money than the most valuable guy.

“Who do you think negotiated that [expletive] contract a year and a half ago? And if you look at my Post-it, the one I negotiated was a $7 million deal for four years. It’s nothing close to [$100,000] and [$100,000] (as a win bonus). As far as trying to bring in the Mark Dion negatives and stuff, good luck. Show me any negatives on it. And that’s just a pitch [EliteXC] can use. But hey, I know my [expletive]. I’ve been around this sport a long, long time.”

And so it goes. Your turn, Jared Shaw. Better make it count.