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Knockout of the Day: The Falling Tree/Matrix Hybrid of Doom


(Anyone got some chalk?) 

We’ve been watching people get knocked out for a long time, Potato Nation. So long, in fact, that it’s gotten to the point where we’ve begun to categorize these knockouts according to the manner in which a fighter’s lifeless body crumbles to the canvas. Is it insensitive, wrong, and perhaps a little too dark? Sure, but if you were worried about sensitivity and other womanly issues, you probably wouldn’t be here. And that’s why we love you as much as two heterosexual sadists can possibly love one another.

But be warned, the knockout that occurred last weekend at Stichting MMA Nederland, in a fight between Wiebe Brouwer and Nick Gorissen, is perhaps the oddest physical reaction to a knockout that we have ever seen, combining the falling tree knockout with Stefan Struve’s Matrix-esque routine against Travis Browne at UFC 130. It will forever change your outlook on the game (?) of limbo, and may cause simultaneous bouts of hysterical laughter and horrified nausea. It did for the CP interns we forced to watch it on a 24 hour loop, anyway.

The beginning of the end comes around the 3:05 mark, when, after escaping an armbar that would have given Ronda Rousey a chick boner, Gorissen gets caught with a looping right hand that appears to liquefy his spine. He crashes to the mat, reminiscent of Zoila Gurgel vs. Rosi Sexton, and is luckily spared of any further punishment. Thank science Cecil Peoples wasn’t refereeing, or this video would have surely become Exhibit A in a future murder trial.

Absolutely brutal, ladies and gentlemen. It takes a few minutes before Gorissen is able to stand up, and a lot more before he is able walk away on his own power, but after that KO, we’re just happy that he could walk at all.

-J. Jones

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Crazy Croat- March 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm
check out my hype video for mir vs velasquez http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_HWyYEckG8
Waxedpants- March 16, 2012 at 10:15 pm
He looks like a young river phoenix.
jayf0808- March 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm
I registered just so I can comment about how much i lol'ed at the "rohnda rousey chick boner line."
blaphtome- March 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm
Guard ya grill son.

Captcha- things soked gi
MrNiceGuy- March 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm
It sure would be nice if the effing video would play.
HandsofGold- March 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm
He should have just put his hands down and caught himself..... DUH
nomomrnicekyle- March 16, 2012 at 11:18 am
The guy deserved to get knocked out by walking straight up to him with his hands down. What was he thinking? It looks like he might have been fiddling with his gloves but come on, what an idiot.
The_Dead_Cow- March 16, 2012 at 11:17 am
Oh my science. Looks he got a little help on that slinky move. Still awesome though.
Onan- March 16, 2012 at 10:28 am
What's with the woman who keeps trying to give him the rosary at 4:00? He's concussed, not dead! Oh and I thought the dude in the white shirt on the front row was a chick the way he had his mouth covered with the OMG face on.
DiazBrotherFromAnotherMother- March 16, 2012 at 10:14 am
1/4 backflip knockout...ahaha "thank science", that shit made me LOL
The12ozCurls- March 16, 2012 at 9:51 am
It looked like he was literally trying to shove his head up his own ass. Unreal. The greatest thing about this is that the dude named "Wiebe" actually won. Freaking Euros. lol
busted_cranium- March 16, 2012 at 9:32 am
Is it odd that I have a strong desire for some spaghetti now?
Stangman- March 16, 2012 at 9:19 am
With a "bridge" like that, I'm sure he was undefeated as a high school wrestler.
J. Jones- March 16, 2012 at 9:18 am
And I would strongly agree with you.
Fried Taco- March 16, 2012 at 9:12 am
I would call that a slinky knockout.
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