(You know who’s lucky I don’t have a time machine? Those damn kids with their skateboards on my sidewalks!) 

When he’s not harassing fighters inside the ring or making up false claims about MMA promotions paying him 5 million dollars to attend an event, I’d like to imagine that Larry Merchant is playing Parcheesi in Boca Vista somewhere, just enjoying the fact that time travel doesn’t exist so he wouldn’t have to follow through on some of his outrageous claims. Well, I would be wrong in that assessment, because it turns out Merchant is far too busy talking out his ass at every possible opportunity to even have time for table based games of mental aptitude. In a recent interview with Boxing Scene, Merchant responded to Dana White’s claims that he was “senile” and “an embarrassment to HBO” with the following statement, which I can only assume took a fortnight to spit out:

“Let’s see, anyone who can make a multimillion dollar business out of street fighting has to be respected. My opinion is that anyone is allowed to put up a tent, put on a show, and invite people to come. And obviously he’s had a lot of success. Good for him. I don’t watch it. I don’t get a so-called sport in which you can have a 6-2 record and be called a world champion. I just don’t appreciate the finer points of MMA. It’s a free country. I’m a commentator, and if I’m commenting and observing on others than how can I not be open to others observing and commenting on me?”

Now, I can understand what Merchant is trying to say here, but to refer to MMA as street fighting immediately after witnessing one of the dirtiest finishes to a high profile boxing match in recent history seems a bit…douchey. Not to mention the fact that this is the same man who threatened to kick the winner of said boxing match’s ass just moments after the fight was over. Stay classy, Larry.

-Danga