("My fellow Americans …" Props: MMA Badass.com)

Try not to look too shocked, y’all: Chris Leben went on Ariel Helwani’s "The MMA Hour" radio show yesterday and made a number of incredible statements about his October arrest on suspicion of drunk driving in Hawaii. And when we say “incredible,” we mean it in the most literal sense, as in, not credible. Among other things, Leben said he doesn’t believe his latest DUI arrest is “going to be a big deal,” that “nothing is going to happen with it” and – if you want to know the truth – he’s not 100 percent sure he’ll even be formally charged with DUI after the truth comes out at his upcoming February court date. Oh, and he also compared himself to the former president of the United States.

"George (W.) Bush got a DUI and he ended up being the president," Leben said. "I really feel as though nothing’s really going to happen with it, honestly. I don’t want to talk about it too much, and it’s still in the works. But I don’t think it’s going to be a big deal."

Obviously, Leben comparing himself to the leader of the free world – even a really, really bad one – is a bit of a stretch. Also, forgive us here at CagePotato Legal Services if we can’t take such an optimistic view of his upcoming court appearance. Let’s review some facts.

As we all know, Leben has already served time in Oregon for a previous DUI and subsequent probation violation. We gotta think the Hawaii court isn’t going to look favorably on a potential two-time DUI loser drinking and driving at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday morning in their state and then crashing his truck into a retaining wall on the freeway without a license or any kind of insurance. If you’re the prosecutor, this case seems to sort of make itself. On the bright side for the defense, Leben reports that he refused to take a Breathalyzer, so who knows how much actual evidence the state will have that the highly-publicized drunkard was legally drunk at that exact moment. Who knows, maybe he has a shot of getting this dismissed or just pleaded down. However, if he’s planning to go to court and offer up an explanation as lame as the one he gave Helwani yesterday, we do not like his chances.

Now, as you read Leben’s own extremely shaky account of events, we just want you to keep repeating the following words in your mind: 2 a.m. on a Tuesday … crashed on the freeway … 2 a.m. on a Tuesday …  crashed on the freeway …

"I’d bought a new truck, and I had never drove a truck before,” Leben said. “It had just rained. Apparently I stepped on the gas a little too hard so I kind of slid out and hit the embankment of the highway, and the cops were working right there, so they saw me …

"Somebody told me, you know, you’re not supposed to blow (into a Breathalyzer) if you get pulled over. I don’t know, I guess my lawyer says that’s not necessarily the case now, but I didn’t blow. I didn’t take the test, just because I know that in Hawaii (the legal blood-alcohol limit is) .05 (but) if there’s an accident, it’s not even .08, so it’s super-duper low. I definitely wasn’t hammered, but I was definitely in the wrong. I didn’t blow so, you know, who knows what’s going to happen now."

To us, Leben’s comments raise even more questions than we had about this incident before: First off, how did Leben even buy a new truck and drive it off the lot with no license and/or insurance? We have “friends” who’ve tried that and the shit don’t work. Second, who are these people he’s training with in Hawaii who allow recovering alcoholic and fairly well known UFC fighter Chris Leben to even come out drinking with them? And then let him get behind the wheel?

As for comparing yourself to George W. Bush? That’s just never a good idea, even when using him as an example of what’s possible for habitual substance abusers. Granted, now that we think about it there are some similarities: Both Bush and Leben love to party and both are fond of going on television and making outlandish statements: Leben about Anderson Silva and the competition in Japan; Bush about yellow cake uranium and weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Leben admitted that he has "kind of messed up" by continually putting his already extremely unlikely UFC career in jeopardy with his own bad behavior. As it stands however, he will still appear as scheduled in the “co-main event” of UFC 125 against Brian Stann. Bush meanwhile says he has a “clear conscience,” even after telling lies to the American people to start a war and then using his own irresponsible policies to cause the largest economic crisis in 70-plus years, only to have much of the public inexplicably blame it on the next guy.