Lesnar Very Sick, Nog Out With Staph, Humanity Approaching Its Final Hours
(This is why you always wash your hands after handling Maxim photo shoot props. For all you know, Fergie might have touched them before you.)
If the strongest among us aren't safe from disease, there can be little hope for the rest of us mere mortals. According to Dana White, Brock Lesnar is “not going to be fighting for a while” because his condition has worsened of late and doctors “don’t really know all that’s wrong with him.” Though DW said his condition wasn’t life-threatening, he added that Lesnar did have some other health issue in addition to mono, but declined to say exactly what it was, calling it “very serious.” Sounds like he wasn't faking sick, after all.
Even giants get ill sometimes, so it shouldn’t be so frightening to hear that Lesnar is laid low, right? Normally, perhaps. But this comes near the end of an illness and injury-riddled year for the UFC, and things only seem to be getting worse. Former champ Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira is also going through some rough times, and a resurgent staph infection has forced him to pull out of UFC 108 and will likely result in him being hospitalized. On its own, it might only be a personal struggle for Big Nog. But in light of Lesnar's illness and other current trends, it is surely a harbinger of doom.
I don’t think I’m being an alarmist when I say this, but mankind's chapter in the great book of history is now drawing to a close. Soon the super virus that is attacking Lesnar’s mighty immune system will have grown even stronger, and then it will spread to the general, genetically weaker population. As whole cities die out in a matter of hours, only Lesnar – patient zero – will be left alive to wander the vacant planet.
The man who spent his entire life trying to be left alone will finally get his wish and, getting it, will realize at far too late an hour that he’s missed so very much. There were so many things left undone and unsaid. So many days squandered and taken for granted. If only he could get on top of his wife just one last time. But alas, death owns her now. The Virus took her. She, like the rest of humanity, is but a bitter memory that makes his stomach turn and his eyes ache when he rises in the morning and looks to the east at another grim sunrise, another endless day.
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Comments
Aptninja Says:
At least he has plenty of time to read, now. He'll just put on his glasses and—nooooooo!
Adam Bomb Says:
Hahahahaha, awesome post.
skeletor Says:
Everyone knows he's faking it, it's deer season. On a completely unrelated note Fedor is healthy. Coincidence? i think not.
BigCountrysChol... Says:
Aptninja that was awesome. Not just for the fantastic reference, but because it made us all imagine Brock Lesnar with a book in his hand.
thebloc Says:
gotta look at this the right way. When all humanity is gone from the disease, there will be 2 left. we can finaly have that fedor vs lesnar fight. of course we'll all be dead...but still!
Overhand Murderballs Says:
This is a bad week for the Fettita's. All of this(lesnar,nog,carwin) on the heels of one of the Fettita's crashing his $1.6 million Buggati into the ocean in Texas last week, plus the decent #'s that Strikeforce put up on CBS. I wonder if they managed to piss off God sometime during all of their exploits?
Breaking news - The UFC Heavyweight Division is suffering from "The Plague", The once stacked LHeavyweight division is "Anorexic"(shogun,machida,evans, and possibly Hendo = actually matters) The Middleweight champion wants to move up to LH where he has "vowed" to never fight the current Champion, while the Welterweight and Lightweight divisions are in bad need of any real contenders as
well.
What the hell is going on?
MachidaVsSilva Says:
If I were Fedor I'd stay out of the UFC just to keep from catching Ebola or whatever the hell else is going around the heavyweight division. I'd expect Tito to catch something but Nog and Brock?
UncleSamsMisgui... Says:
@ Overhand Murderballs, the plague indeed I think we can equate Dana White to Job in this situation. Whats next Dana is forced to take a fight with Fedor after everyone in the UFC jumps ship over to Strikeforce with Hendo leading the charge. Seriously I hope that CBS invests heavily into this thing realizing its not just a fad. Then maybe the dream I have had all along will come to fruition a yearly Strikeforce vs UFC show, the superbowl of MMA culminated after a year of contender matches in each organization. The top prospects meet at a new years show. Probably alot of holes in that scenario (ie title matches only once a year) but I would like to see an AFC vs NFC scenario played out in MMA.
UncleSamsMisgui... Says:
Hahahha the poor Bens had to post on a Sunday to keep up with the rest of the MMA world. Hey Goldstein I thought your day off was supposed to be saturdays anyway. HAHAHA a little anti semitic humor never hurts anyone - seriously dont ban me bro
One Two Says:
gypsies, dana pissed off some gypsies.
800King Says:
I love the apocalyptic keys here. I can't imagine Lesner is maintenance when ill.
SIR HAL Says:
@overhand murderballs. (The Lufkin Daily News reports police records in La Marque identified 34-year-old Andy House of Lufkin as the driver of the 2006 Bugatti Veyron EB.) just thought you should know the truth bro.
TylerDyrden Says:
lesnar is a weiner....and his chest proves it.
damn you cock chestnar
TylerDyrden Says:
ufc really needs to start cleaning the mats between fights now. Brock probably got his illness from all of mir's blood.
maybe its best for bj penn not to lick the blood of his enemies for a while either.
leasnar is losing the battle against karma. i'm guessing he drank some coors light that was unfiltered water runoff from one of their "natural springs"
maybe lesnar has some steroid related illness....kidney failure. liver failure?
Bovice Says:
The last two paragraphs are pure gold.
skeletor Says:
@overhand murderballs
The real problem is the champs in most the weight classes are just to dominate. Penn, Silva, GSP, are the best fighters at there weights in the world and it's by a large margin. The talent levels below them are pretty equal making contender matches extremely competitive, but inevitably pointless (Swick vs Hardy). So I think there is just a lull in championship quality matches witch always works itself out eventually. It wasn't that long ago that Chuck Lidell seemed to be an unstoppable knockout machine. But times change eventually it's just that waiting for that to happen is boring as hell.
RJeezy Says:
Hmmm. It's hurting a giant man, no doubt crippling his legs. It could only be one thing...
MINOWAMANITIS
/fist pumps
//puts Minowa at #1 P4P on mmaplayground rankings
Left_Boob_Telligman Says:
Lesnar caught something from the pool at the bath house he got his chest tattoo at.
SF RULEZ Says:
Yeah not shocked at all Dana can't get his shit together. If he had Fedor he would never have these problems. Lesnar is an overated asshole, wow he beat up a 45 year old man that was 50 lbs smaller then him, and had trouble doing it. Who gives a shit the UFC is a fucking joke.
GetUpAndKill Says:
Lesnar is obviously pregnant.
Overhand Murderballs Says:
@Sir Hal
I appreciate it. When this first happened the Galveston Media put conveyed that it was one of the Brothers vehicle. They also said that the presumed owner /rocket scientist opened the door to the vehicle (in the bay) and left the vehicle running. Supposedly the vehcile kept running for 15 minutes without any passenger in it, and sounded like some rich bastard was motoring around in his cigar boat until the vehicle actually died.
steampunk22 Says:
(continued from the original CP post)
Brock Lesnar, finally alone with his stash of Coors and clay pigeons thinks to himself..
"And the best thing, the very best thing of all, is there's time now... there's all the time I need and all the time I want. Time, time, time. There's time enough at last.
[goes to pick up a Coors, but in doing so his bottle opener falls out of his pocket and breaks. He slowly raises it to his face, seeing is completely broken]
Brock Lesnar: That's not fair. That's not fair at all!! There was time now!! [weeping] There was, was all the time I needed...
skeletor Says:
^^^^^^^
You're coming off as desperate. CP doesn't think of you that way.
steampunk22 Says:
I swear the UFC is cursed.
fACE7biter Says:
Theres only one logical thing that could happen now: Shane Carwin Vs. Cain Velasquez for the Interim Heavyweight Championship.
Left_Boob_Telligman Says:
Lesnar's replacement... Dan "The Beast" Severen
steampunk22 Says:
^^Facebiter
I think you're right with Carwin/Velasquez for the interim title but how about the winner of Mir/Kongo getting the first crack at the interim holder? That pretty much rounds out the rest of the heavyweight contenders in the UFC.
skeletor Says:
@fACE7biter
Seems logical, so you know the UFC won't go for it. It would be much easier for them to put on mediocre main events until Lesnar and Nog are healthy.
mogwaio Says:
Someone involved in MMA (probably a fighter, although I can't recall at this point) put on their MySpace page that Lesnar's mystery illness is cysts on his liver that developed due to his use of steroids, which is not unheard of.
If his mystery illness were nothing to be embarrassed about then there would be no sensible reason not to just come out and say it.
skeletor Says:
Sounds pretty official mogwaio. Thanks for the update.
for the love of mma Says:
why not put "Nate Marquart vs Vitor Belfort" on jan 2nd? with " Wanderlei Silva vs Patric Cote*" as co-main event?(if Cote is healthy)?
OR
"Jon Fitch vs Matt Hughes" maybe the ufc could ask Hughes to step up here and come thru & take the fight! HELL maybe "Dana White & Tito" could duke it out for the fans!! Scott Coker could be the referee!!!!!!!
Kimbos Bread Says:
@ steampunk22
I got the joke, and the reference to Twilight Zone episode you made. The little old man from the bank who loved reading (and reference to Brock Lesnar reading joke) and of course the end of time. All that substituted with Brock's love for Coors and shooting clay pigeons...yadda yadda yadda...
Unfortunately, there isn't enough genius on this site to maintain a stream of coherent comments, not alone make connections to references from classic tv shows.
All that made evident of by the fact that no body who's ever won a shirt here has really ever posted anything remotely intelligent.
cagefightmon Says:
Another censored message from CagePotato . . .
If Cage doesn't like your insight they censor you . . . SO MUCH FOR FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!
mogwaio Says:
Ya, np, and if anyone wants to check it out for themselves they can just search the Net for "Lesnar cysts liver."
steampunk22 Says:
^^KimbosBread THANK YOU. lol I'll keep the target audience in mind a little more. Glad you got it though!
UFC 108 still looks pretty good. Evans vs Silva, Gonzaga vs Dos Santos, Tyson Griffin, and Sam Stout on there as well. Unless they all come down with some sort of terrible nightmarish, sonic diarhea. But hey, what are the odds of THAT happening.
mt59801 Says:
It's obviously the work of a witch.
For the all Fedor fans........seriously did you guys watch him fight Arlovski or Rodgers?? Not very impressive and not on par with the UFC fighters I doubt he'd transition to the UFC any better than any of the PRIDE guys did.
Koob Says:
The was time enough at last!
skeletor Says:
@mt59801
i just don't think fedor is big enough to hang with the big wrestlers in the UFC. Possibly Cain just because he's not that big and has shown he can get hurt, plus fedor is a much better finisher then Kongo was. But Lesnar, Carwin, even that Duffe is huge but I'm still not sure of his skill set with the whole 7 seconds I've seen of him.
petro Says:
@mt59349123(get a real name ffs)
Did you know that Anderson Silva, Henderson, Jackson are all "Pride guys"?
Moron.
steampunk22 Says:
Pride fighters that transitioned to the UFC have had roughly a 50% success rate. Petro is right, some guys have came on and dominated (Silva, Hendo, Rampage) but others have struggled (Cro Cop, Wanderlei, Herring-ish, Aurelio, Nakamura). He should've just made it a little clearer.
Its hard to say how Fedor would transfer, as the Pride fighters that have had success are all of different disciplines and actually have very little in common. You could argue that Fedor WOULD do well because he has the throws of Silva/Hendo, a vastly superior ground game, and solid power (although probably not as much as Rampage).
^^Skeletor
You are probably right, big wrestlers DO dominate the HW division right now but none of them have a very well developed submission game. Its all size and ground and pound. Fedor will submit every chance he gets, and will definitely do so from his back so I think he's got a defense in that regard but he will still get muscled around. Rogers pretty easily moved him around the cage and in the clinch.
I don't think its really worth it to say he would or wouldnt do well, until he actually fights in the UFC. For now I'll settle for watching him in Strikeforce and see how he fares in THEIR cage. Looks good so far.
For the record I hope that Lesnar gets better. If its from steroid induced cysts on his kidneys or what the fuck, I hope he learns his lesson THEN gets better. No ill wishes, dude sounds pretty ill.
Jonny5 Says:
I say winner of Kongo-Mir vs. winner of Nogueira-Velasquez for interim belt! Makes the most sense you must all agree. Yes?
cagefightmon Says:
UFC Judging:
U-nfair
F-oolishly
C-orrupted
831 Son Says:
Interim belts are complete bullshit and serve no purpose. That shit doesnt verify anyone as a champion. There should only be one belt, no questions asked.
@cagefightmon-- You mean athletic commisions. Dont get it twisted dumb fuck.
Goog Says:
I tell you who else is really sick and it's very serious: Sean Penn.
He's sick of the Hollywood type that resorts to self-promoting through modeling for clothing and perfume ads. He told Rolling Stone, "People are spending too much time modelling for some f**king clothing company instead of acting, and I resent it. It's like, 'Are you going to do the Chanel ad today? I thought you were in the middle of shooting a f**king movie. Just let me know if you mean it. I want to know you're trying to write the great American novel every time. Fail all you want, but f**king try."
And it should be noted that when he speaks, he doesn't say the two asterisks. He actually says the word "fucking". Like I said... it's bad.
Please keep Sean and his family in your prayers.
Swedish Says:
Goog - Sean Penn is a left wing nut and he wants to destroy this country. However, he is good actor and I'll keep him and his family in my prayers.
I can't believe how many a-holes troll this site. Brock is a great athlete and an asset to our sport. There are too many classless, ignorant, and disgusting comment on this board.
I'm hoping Brock recovers and comes back as strong as he was in his last run for the title.
skeletor Says:
@swedish
I don't wish any ill will on Brock either but if (and that's a highly speculated if) this illness is stems from chronic steroid use, then I don't have much sympathy for him. I don't want to see it end his career but it's hard to find sympathy for something he knew very well could happen. We'll never know though until they come out and say what happened. it very well could be symptoms from a completely non self inflicted illness.
for the love of mma Says:
@cagefightmon Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!
mt59801 Says:
@petro
Yes I did...rampage did good pre retirement/truck incident, Hollywood is on the way to strikeforce and Silva only fought in pride about 4 times -most of his wins were in cage rage fights. But you totally missed the point jackass, all those guys were dominant in pride but with the exception of hendo and rampage the UFC hasn't been quite as easy.......case in point CROCOP,Gono,Herring, Mishima, and Sokoudjou Compare their pride records to their UFC records then come back and give me history lessons.