(“Official sponsor of Tyron Woodley at UFC 174 (logo on the ass, of course)” / Photo via DudeProducts.com)
If you missed UFC 174 last night, count yourself lucky. It was a terrible card that saw fans literally flocking out of the arena in droves before the main event–a fight where flyweight champ Demetrious Johnson defended his belt against Ali Bagautinov–even ended.
But there was one saving grace: Dude Wipes.
No, really. Tyron Woodley had an ad for Dude Wipes plastered on his ass (which was intentional placement by Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes). Within minutes, “Dude Wipes” was trending worldwide on Twitter. What, pray tell, is a Dude Wipe? Here’s the story, according to the founders:
Whether it was some unexpected physical activity or the aftermath of the lunchtime burrito, we realized, as guys, we are destined to smell. Something needed to be done. So on behalf of Dudekind [Editor's note: Ugh] we created The Award Winning Dude Wipes™ to combat stank and put you back on your game wherever or whenever nature calls.
If you’re still wiping with just toilet paper, you’re a chump and your ass hates you for it. Any red-blooded American knows Dude Wipes™ are something you never leave the crib without.
Dude Products even created some promotional materials:
Being the disheveled, grubby, low-minded, basement dwelling neckbeards we are, Dude Wipes sounded right up our alley! We wanted to buy a pack of the dudeliest wipes on Earth and review them for all MMA fans. Alas, after making a perilous trek through Father’s Day traffic to FOUR separate stores, we couldn’t find any (and we weren’t asking a clerk to check for fucking Dude Wipes).
So instead of reviewing them ourselves, we’re going to post reviews from Amazon–both positive and negative.
Let’s start it off with the most glowing reviews:
What a great product. Very functional, discreet, and effective. A perfect cure for male “swamp-ass”! . I highly recommended this product. Especially great for boating or camping. – Link.
After receiving this product as a grab bag gift, I am in love. As another reviewer put it, this is not just an after bathroom wipe. I have used the Wipe to stay fresh after the gym, after toiling away in the attic fighting with Christmas decorations and running with the dog. The Dude Wipes clean and refresh my face, my armpits and of course, the “under-carriage”. I have bought more of the Wipes and will NOT be giving them away anytime soon. Throw one in your pocket, your gym bag, your luggage and your overnight bag. You will not regret it. – Link
Soft on me booty and booty hole like angels made of feathers were playing sqaush in me outback the whole time – Link
Exactly what I was looking for. I run half marathons, and I do wear thicker underwear. This product gives me that extra clean filling, and confidence I want when sitting around after a race just chatting with friends. Take one pouch put it in my front pocket, and no one notices it. After race excuse myself to the rest room, and freshen up with just one packet. Yes I do recommend this for anyone from tailgating to actually competing in an event. – Link
I love dude wipes and have been using for over 9 months. I took them to Korea when it was really humid and they fit great in the wallet and perfect for a quick cleanup or mudbutt incidents. I wish the smell was a little less baby wipe ish but other than that great price and quality. – Link
But not all reviewers felt Dude Wipes left their butt holes sparkling clean:
With the nice modern image and masculine name, I expected a wipe that would have some sort of masculine scent to it. Upon receipt, I was surprised to find out they smell very much like an baby wipe. Not worth it. – Link
packaging looks great but the scent is not manly at all. Its like they repackaged women’s wet wipes. I imagined a larger wet wipe that has a manly cologne. – Link
I’ve rated these wipes so low, because they are the exact same flushable wipes you can buy in the walmart aisle for 97 cents. I thought it would be a nice thing to have just get you through to the next shower if you’re on the go and not in anyone’s personal space, but these are really just for wiping your backside post-defecation. Only ten bucks, but don’t waste your money. The description says for wiping your… FACE!? pre and post workout. True, it probably won’t kill you, but I expected more. (I think Old Spice used to make something closer to what I was looking for that I would use after gym class in high school, but these are NOT THAT!).. just some classic “butt wipes” that they’ve apparently mislabeled (intentionally or unintentionally). Just to further my point:
The back of the box says, “Still wiping with just toilet paper and putting yourself through a daily dose of torture?”
COME ONN.. dem jus booty hole cleaners. – Link
The product arrived in an unmarked clear plastic bag, quantity 100 bulk plasti-foil packs, so you will have to find a storage container for about a half gallon’s volume. My frame of reference was the Cottonnelle individual packs I have used for years. Nothing like going through life with two packs in your left front pocket to ensure a day filled with only good experiences. The Dude Wipes are the same size, and will fit the pocket the same way. The fragrance is non-offensive, like Cottonnelle. They say they are flushable but make no septic systems claim, while Cottonnelle does say they are septic tank compatible. Dude Wipes cost me more and I don’t see any reason to prefer them. I do think the wrap is more macho manly that the cute Cottonnelle Golden Retriever puppy, but this is a function I always take care of in solitude….
Less functional with no advantages and a higher cost. My last purchase of this product. - Link
After reading all the reviews, Dude Wipes–as an idea–seem like a convenience guys could use. As a product, however, they appear to be an overpriced marketing gimmick aimed that the kind of Dude Bros who watch MMA (or at least used to watch MMA back during the boom). Still, we’re going to reserve judgement until we can actually get our hands (and butt cheeks) on a set of them. And like we said, the ad placement on Woodley’s butt got the product trending on Twitter, and even got us to write an article about it. So hats off to Dude Wipes, arguably the most successful bizarre sponsor in MMA since Dynamic Fastener.
On a more serious note, what does it say about the UFC’s product when a glorified baby wipe is drawing more attention than the fights?