MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Liveblog-a-palooza: UFC 81

As usual, click the MORE link to check out the greatest liveblogging on-line and remember to refresh the page every few minutes to get the latest on UFC 81: Breaking Point coming live – from Vegas, Baby! All times ET.

Here’s the card/stats from ufc.com for tonight – even though stats have varied on other sites:

Televised
-Tim Sylvia (6’8″, 255, 26-3) v A. Rodrigo Nogueira (6’1″, 240, 30-4-1)
-Frank Mir (6’1″, 240, 10-3) v Brock Lesnar (6’3″, 265, 1-0)
-Jeremy Horn (6’2″, 185, 88-16-5) v Nate Marquardt (6’0″, 185, 28-7-1)
-Rob Yundt (6’1″, 185, 7-0) v Ricardo Almeida (6’0″, 185, 8-2)

May Not Be Televised
-Gleison Tibau (5’10″, 155, 27-3) v Tyson Griffin (5’6″, 155, 10-1)
-Chris Lytle (5’11″, 170, 34-15-4) v Kyle Bradley (5’9″, 170, 13-4-1)
-Marvin Eastman (5’9″, 185, 14-7-1) v Terry Martin (5’9″, 185, 18-3)
-David Heath (5’11″, 205, 9-2-0) v Tim Boetsch (6’1″, 205, 6-1)
-Keita Nakamura (5’9″, 170, 14-2-2) v Rob Emerson (5’9″, 155, 8-6-1)

9:50: Here are the results so far…

-Chris Lytle over Kyle Bradley via TKO on strikes
-Tim Boetsch over David Heath via TKO on strikes
-Marvin Eastman over Terry Martin via Unanimous Decision
-Rob Emerson over Keita Nakamura via Split Decision

How about Terry Martin going down to Eastman?

9:55: Thanks for dropping by. We’re about ready to light this candle!

10:00: And we’re in! The pre-event hype was definitely a Brock Lesnar show. He still gives interviews like he’s in the center of the WWE ring. We’ll know soon enough if he’s the real deal or not. The intro music and interviews/montages are rolling on right now.

10:02: Mir said he wants Lesnar to taste his own blood. Sweet.

10:04: Goldberg: “It’s all about the heavyweights! The big men, with the big hands.”

10:06: Rogan’s giving some love to Mir: “He’s a heavyweight who moves like a lightweight.” About Lesnar: “He’s a freak of a man.”

10:08: Not sure what just happened…Rogan was hyping like crazy and then stopped mid-sentence and said, “Ah, sorry…”, then they went dead for about ten seconds. maybe he OD’d.

10:11: Tyson Griffin and Gleison Tibau will be televised. Griffin is coming out to “Eye of the Tiger”. Oh God.

10:13: Bruce Buffer is intro-ing the fight.

10:15: Steve Mazzagatti is the ref. We’re on!

10:20: Stand-up fight for the first 3 1/2 minutes and then Griffin started drilling Tibau with some shots that could have ended it, but Tibau took Griffin to the mat. then it was fairly uneventful. Griffin got up a couple of times, but it went back down. Kind of hard to call that round. And Edith and Arianny blowing kisses at the camera was enough to get me through next week.

10:22: Round two is kinda’ boring so far…Rogan and Goldberg chat about the conditioning of MMA fighters.

10:26: Tibau had a good takedown two minutes in, but Tyson got right back up. Griffin’s wrestling is certainly serving him well on getting back up in this fight. Goldberg at the 2 minute mark: “How good was it to have Rocky at our last fight?” Both fighters had some decent connections, ut Tyson certainly has the advantage. He connected on some kicks and strikes, more so than Tibau did. Griffin was swinging for the fences a couple of times, but missed. Tibau did have another takedown, but it was like three seconds and Griffin was back on his feet. Ended fairly boring again, but I gotta’ score it Tyson.

10:28: Barry Bonds is in the house. That won’t help the steroid controversy.

10:28: Round three is underway.

10:33: Tibau had yet another takedoen one minute in. This time it stayed on the ground longer and Tibau finally got some control. Still on the ground with three minutes to go, Tyson worked out of it and it was a stand-up fight again. Tyson got in some great shots to Tibau and clinched it up with one minute to go. The crowd never really got into it and the fighters spent the last minute of the fight clinched against the cage. Griffin worked the body a bit and that was all she wrote. It’s decision time for the judges. It’s gotta’ be Tyson Griffin.

10:35: The decision for the first televised fight of the night: Unanimous – Tyson Griffin. No shock. All judges called it 30-27.

10:36: In the cage interview, Griffin acknowledges the crowd booing because the fight was so boring. I second their booing.

10:37: I see Rogan went back to a black button down shirt for the event. Then again, I’m a little colored blind, so it might be forest green.

10:38: They’re pumping Silva and Henderson next month. I’m buying it!

10:39: Call of Duty 4 is this event’s Rambo.

10:40: Rob Yundt – who just recently signed up for this thing three days ago – is up next against Ricardo Almeida. Ricardo is back for the first time in like a million years. Yundt is talking trash: “I’m gonna’ put my right hand down his throat.”

10:42: Yundt came out to some hip hop joint I don’t recognize. Bruce Buffer ran into the camera in the octagon. What a douche.

10:45: Almeida strolled out to a Santana/Indigo Girls/Shakira-hybrid song. The ref for the fight is Herbie Hancock Dean.

10:47: And it’s already over! Almeida took Yundt down 45 seconds in and then wrapped him in an arm-in guillotine. Yundt tapped out. Some amazing BJJ by Almeida.

10:50: GSP, Rampage and Barry Bonds are the main sightings in the crowd so far. I want me some Mandy Moore like UFC 79!

10:51: A peek in the locker rooms of Lesnar and Mir was uneventful. My ass hurts already for some reason.

10:53: Jeremy Horn and Nate Marquardt fight next. Neither fighters are made for TV, but they can brawl. Horn comes out to “Back in Black”. That’s a fucking song I can get behind! Although Horn’s belly is on the way to looking like Tim Sylvia’s.

10:55: Nate Marquardt comes out to the most overplayed piece ever. It’s on UFC promos, commercials and movies and I can’t for th elife of me remember the name. You know the one, right?

10:57: Bruce Buffer managed to avoid bumping into the camera while he announced the fighters. Horn is only 22. This guy is gonna’ be fighting for another 15 years! Yves Lavigne is the ref.

10:58: And we’re underway in round one!

11:03: Nate took Horn down 30 seconds in. About 30 more seconds passed before he started getting some nice shots in on Horn. Horn was able to maneuver around it and they got back on their feet with 3 minutes left. Seconds later, they hit the mat again. Nate Marquardt certainly controlled the ground game, until Horn got back to his feet. Horn got hurt with strikes andsome elbows with under two minutes to go. He lost his mouthpiece, but regained his composure. The fight stayed on the ground from there with Horn on his back, taking some more shots from Nate. Horn almost moved himself into a gogoplata submission on Marquardt, but Nate got free and the round ended.

11:05: The round went to the mat almost immediately. It’s like watching a chess match between these two guys. While they rolled around on the mat, Rogan hyped the Spanish version of the broadcast on UFC.com. WHile he was doing this, Horn went for a takedown, Marquardt caught him in a standing guillotine choke and cranked Horn’s neck. Horn submitted and it’s all over.

11:07: Nate Marquardt reminds everyone where his after-party will be, then thanks God for his win. Isn’t America great?

11:08: Chuck Liddell is in the hizzou and the fans give Mir a 43% chance to win.

11:13: Can we get this Lesnar/Mit thing settled already? Guess not, because the early stuff ended a little too early. Even though you already know who won, the broadcast is now going to replay David Heath and Tim Boetsch.

11:15: My bold prediction is that Tim Boetsch will win via TKO (strikes). Just a hunch.

11:17: Remember that Boetsch took the fight on short notice? Well, consider yourself reminded. We covered it.

11:19: Herb Dean is running the show on this one.

11:20: Edith in the red, Arianny in the black. Sorry…did I black out there for a second?

11:22: Not too much excitement so far…we’re two minutes in.

11:25: Boetsch gets in some nice body kicks and strikes, but Heath doesn’t answer. A minute to go, Boetsch gets in some knees to the face of Heath and more strikes, but Heath counters with some half-assed strikes of his own. And wow! Twenty seconds to go, Boetsch tosses Heath like he was a dish towel and Heath lands on his head. Boetsch rushes in and lays some smack on Heath. Herbie Hancock Dean stops it with about 8 seconds left in the round. I agree with Rogan, the way Boetsch tossed Heath to the mat was like a rag doll. Pretty fucking cool.

11:27: Now we’re getting Lesnar/Mir action.

11:30: Just replaying more of the Lesnar spittle we’ve heard before. Is it just me or can he not pronounce “Mir” properly?

11:32: Mir is rolling out to another hip hop joint I don’t know the name of. God, I’m so white.

11:33: Mir looks good and ready to rock, but why the fuck did he not get to come out last instead of Lesnar? Shows you how much Dana White is stroking Lesnar’s cock-sword tattoo.

11:34: Brock Lesnar comes out to “I’m a douche and I have a penis tattooed on my chest”. Okay, fine, it’s “Shout at the Devil”. He looks stoic and is just a fucking huge dude. Rogan keeps referencing the extra large gloves he has to use.

11:35: Speaking of Rogan, he hasn’t done a line in a while because he’s not screaming as much.

11:36: Mir’s boobies are giggling as he bounces. Lesnar is a rock. The Undertaker from pro-wrestling is in the crowd.

11:38: Stone Cold Steve Austin is also there. Bruce Buffer intros the co-main event…

11:39: The crowd seems decidedly split and I think there some boos for Lesnar.

11:39: We’re underway!

11:40: Wow, a strike to the back of the head on Mir takes a point away from Lesnar already. It’s still super early!

11:42: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Frank Mir was getting the shit beat out of him by Lesnar and Mir caught him napping. He wrapped Brock in a foot lock and held on for dear life. Lesnar tapped out at 1:30 of the first round (knee bar was the official call).

11:44: Mir took some serious shots the entire fight. If he didn’t get that knee bar, it could have been ugly.

11:45: Lesnar gets booed during his interview. He seems to be a gracious loser, but I still love it that he lost. Goldberg screams: “Pure class!” Shut up, Mike.

11:47: I don’t even play video games and I’m going to buy Call of Duty 4 tomorrow. Wonder if you have to have played the first three to ‘get it’?

11:50: Tim Sylvia and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira are up next in the main co-main event.

11:51: How much does Rogan want to smack Mike Goldberg? Mike just keeps saying “yeah” and “right” to everything Rogan is saying – like that guy at the party who has never been to a party before but is suddenly standing in your circle agreeing with everything you are saying. What a dork.

11:52: Their missions? Nog wants to be the first heavyweight champ in the UFC and Pride.Sylvia wants to be the first to knock Nog out.

11:53: Nog comes out first. Looks ready to fucking rumble.

11:56: Tim Sylvia comes loping out to the hillbilly blues. Actually makes me long for Matt Hughes‘s entrance music.

11:57: Sylvia’s abs are looking extra ripped – and by ripped, I mean soft and flabby.

11:58: Sylvia is 5 inches taller and has a 3 inch reach on Nog. And he’s had lots of gross sex with his UFC belt on.

12:00: Herb Dean is all over this one again. Bruce Buffer stop it, I’m already going to buy Call of Duty 4! Intros are going on…

12:02: Happy Super Bowl Sunday (for you East Coasters). Go Pats! Anyyyyyywaaaaaaaay, we’re underway for round one!

12:03: Mike Goldberg just said, “Jay-Z is in da’ house!” (sigh)

12:08: Nog took Tim down early, but they went right back up. Nog then got jacked and went down. Sylvia caught him with like a thousand shots while Nog was on his back. Nog pulled it back together and Tim stood up. Nog still took some shots before taking Tim to the mat again. The fight got right back up again and Nog looks hurt and tired. He went for a takedown after the ten second warning, but there wasn’t enough time. Sylvia owned the round, but Nog is a warrior!

12:09: BJ Penn is in the crowd. And now round two is underway.

12:14: Nog went for a few early takedowns, but Tim avoided them. No solid punches landed by either in the first 2 minutes. Nog spent about 30 seconds trying to take Sylvia down under two minutes to go in the round, but Tim avoided it. They traded punches under the 30 second mark, but nothing of note. Nog is definitely having trouble taking Tim to the mat.

12:14: My ass has fallen asleep.

12:15: The boys are back for round three.

12:17: It’s all over! At about 45 seconds in, Nog took Tim down, but didn’t get control right away. Tim almost pulled out of it , but Nog stayed with it. After working it, he moved into control and got a guillotine choke. Sylvia tapped out 1:28 in the third round.

12:19: Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira is th efirst heavyweight to be champ in PRIDE and the UFC. He got rocked by Tim Sylvia several times, but came back to submit the “Maine-iac”.

12:20: Nog’s ears are gross.

12:22: Tim Sylvia thanks God – of course – and then invites people to LAX where he’ll be added booze to his soft gut.

12:25: Now we’re moving into the early fights replays. Since you already know who won – and already got the liveblog on the Heath/Boetsch fight, we’ll repost the results again and let you paint your own picture

-Chris Lytle over Kyle Bradley via TKO on strikes
-Marvin Eastman over Terry Martin via Unanimous Decision
-Rob Emerson over Keita Nakamura via Split Decision

12:28: Okay, I was getting ready to sign off and the Chris Lytle broadcast is already over. He just laid it on Kyle Bradley and it was called off by the ref at 33 seconds in. Wow.

12:30: So, I’m happy with the night. Lesnar loses and Nog beats Sylvia. I couldn’t ask for more. Already, Bitches, I’m going to shut her down for the night. Tune in tomorrow and Monday for more on UFC 81 and more in the MMA world.

Cagepotato Comments

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retali8- February 3, 2008 at 12:51 am
ill answer my own question
pixies - where is my mind
Jonathan- February 2, 2008 at 8:47 pm
anyone else realize how big Nogueira's feet are?!?! look at the picture!! he's a freak LOL!
Cloverfield Taint- February 2, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Dude!!!,...I am so impressed with Emerson. He is AWSOME. He totally dominated that ASIAN CHICK. He is something special. Watch out UFC,....here comes Rob Emerson...........Seriously though,.....Emerson you need to go back to your normal gig of beating up random 15 year olds with your 50 man posse,..on the mean streets of south ORANGE COUNTY!!!.......YOU FUCKING SUCK DUDE,...YOU ARE A COWARD,.....BYE THE WAY,..THAT ASIAN CHICK DID BEAT YOU!!!...YOU GOT LUCKY......HAVE A NICE DAY YOU FUCKING TURD!!!!!
hoeyjoey- February 2, 2008 at 6:41 pm
just give brock lesnar a year to learn BJJ, how to scramble, he just needs to learn more and add more to his game than his college wrestling. And he needs to get FAST, has has almost no speed. I say give it about a year so he can take his training seriously, and he'll be one hell of a force in the MMA world.
Olie- February 2, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Lesnar to be a force? I don't know if I agree with that. Sure he has strength but his style is JUST wrestling and trying to land bombs the entire time. Which is fine if you can get a quick KO but he could never keep that up that long I don't think. Although he was all over Mir like a rash he just left himself so vulnerable to Mir's submission skills.

Who will Brock fight next?
retali8- February 2, 2008 at 5:39 pm
what was heaths intro song?
Souljaman- February 2, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Freaking WWE fanatics are Pcychos and stupid! Lesnar fell for MIrs Bait! he is a muscle head with no strategy at all, pure brut strenght, thats why its called MMA, sorry to tell wrestling fans! NO scripts here!!! MIr can take a beating. its just a matter of time! JIU-JITSU 101 baby!
BigGameJames- February 2, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Why do I feel like this has been written by a dumb 15 year old boy? Hey Break, hire some writers!!!
BG75- February 2, 2008 at 4:44 pm
lesnar is going to be a force, his 2nd mma fight ever and he punishes the former heavyweight champ for 90 seconds before making a rookie mistake, also i have to say that point deduction was bullshit b/c mir was just looking for a way to stop getting his face beat in and turned his head into a punch, great job by mir but without that the fight probably gets stopped there
maud- February 2, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Silvia vs brock.
Jemaleddin- February 2, 2008 at 3:03 pm
We need to put Lesnar in with a striker to see if he cries like Sapp when he gets punched in the face. Mirko vs. Brock!
Dan- February 2, 2008 at 2:50 pm
frank mir + Knee bar = rent paid
and a big hand 4 big Nog who ate shit for 2 rounds and still had enough in the tank to put away sylvia but more importantly did not make us watch tim for 5 rounds and that deserves a pay bonus!
Olie- February 2, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Lesnar... the new Bob Sapp? Heh.
MMA Ninja- February 2, 2008 at 8:37 am
Yeah, but the kneebar wasn't on, Mir's hips weren't above the knee. Lesnar should have known better especially having Erik Paulson in his corner. But other than that Lesnar handled Mir and looked great.

Tim The Lame-iac blew it, he'll never have that needed aggressiveness to finish fights when needed. Nogueira has to stop taking some much punishment though. It's amazing he had any energy to pull off the sweep and the submission.
Jemaleddin- February 2, 2008 at 7:43 am
I don't think we should give Brock too much shit for tapping out to that knee bar: if there's one thing we know, it's that Frank Mir isn't afraid to apply a submission until he breaks something. If he STARTS to get me in an armbar, I'm tapping. Hell, I'd probably tap during a handshake with Mir.

Also, I like the bit that Mike and Joe said about Mark Coleman being impressed with Lesnar. Steroid Junkies of a feather. Get the two of them with Sean Sherk, Kevin Randleman and Barry Bonds and you've got a whole cast for "Celebrity Rehab: Steroid Edition." The International version of the show can feature everyone from Pride (except the guys that can, you know, win in a piss-testing environment like big Nog, Rampage, and Anderson Silva).
B-rizzle- February 2, 2008 at 7:42 am
Tim the maini-hack. i guess if You put 2 hacks in the octogon one has to win.
TitoG- February 2, 2008 at 6:54 am
Fuck Yeah!!!!! Mir by Leg Lock! To me that is the sign of a true BJJ guy. Taking a beating and still coming up with the sub. Lesner still needs alot of time to learn BJJ and MMA but he could be good. WOW Lesner is strong but Mir hung in there and won. As far as Big Nog that was great. He almost got KO'd but came back and got the douche bag with the Guillotine. I new once he was on top it was over but I didn't think with Guillotine. LOVE IT!!!
NipGrip- February 2, 2008 at 6:00 am
Ha. Love this site, great writing and updates. Also love that Lesnar lost, I wonder where he goes from here? Will they be hyping up his next fight as big as this one? I'm going to go take a dump and think on it a bit.
gorilly- February 2, 2008 at 5:25 am
nice chat! 'night, bitches.
gorilly- February 2, 2008 at 5:24 am
well, anybody with a pulse knows that couture would destroy old egg nogg, even with a hangover. genius dana will probably shoot for some kind of unifying of all the belts (read: PRIDE/UFC/M-1) by successfully arranging a unity match between nog and fedor. he'll squeeze couture out just for spite, i'd say.
BIG CHRIS- February 2, 2008 at 5:21 am
thus the name lights out....
BIG CHRIS- February 2, 2008 at 5:20 am
Can somone please interperate Nog' Victory speach??? I think I heard him challenge somone named Handy Couchure.....
gorilly- February 2, 2008 at 5:19 am
i like it roger. great idea. send that post to dana white's people, but you'll need to edit it. insert the word "fuck" after every second and then every third word after that so dana can understand it, then send it.
Roger- February 2, 2008 at 5:16 am
I am tired of Tim Sylvia. The UFC heavyweight division is not as much fun without Couture. How about Mir vs. Arlovski , with the winner to take on Nogueira?
gorilly- February 2, 2008 at 5:15 am
for pulling off that victory, i will be first to say it. i wish nog was my dad. if couture was too busy, i mean. he's still my first choice for a dad substitute.
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