Night Night! Keep ya butthole tight!

Faber: Rosenthal, come on buddy we need one more to make the human centipede

And thus Urijah became the first on screen recipiant of the Tokyo Sandblaster.

Donkey punch from the bottom?

"If this was my date, I'd know what to do next."

Ref: Allright Faber, time to pull out!

Ok guys, hold it right there, we are going to bring in the pottery wheel now

Hmm which was more entertaining? Urijah's choke of death, or Roops kick of destiny?

In a distant land 20 or so Bahi men shake their fists angrily in the air. "DAMN YOU GRINGOS!"

"Ohhh, Uwijah so stwong"

Are you really the human centipede?

"AND MAY THE SPIRIT-HUH OF EVIL BE PURGED-HANH FROM YOUR SOUL! MAY YOU FIND THE LIGHT OF THE LORD-UH WHO COMETH FROM ON HIGH-UH TO LIBER-ATE YOU FROM YOUR SLANT EYED PRISON-UH! MAY YOU RE-NOUNCE-AH THE DEEVIL! MAY YOU BE REDEEEEMED FOR LIVING THE (HAH) SIN OF THE NON-WHITE SKIN-UH! CAN I GETTA-HAH HALLLLLELUJAH HAH! CANNIGETTUH AMEN-UH! PRAISE THE LEEERRRDDDD!"

"Who put the Jake Shields fight up on the big screen?"

"It was unbelievable. No one had ever thought that Cheick Congo could possibly throw a knee to the nutsack of two men at once."

Can I just have a shirt? That movie looks pretty shitty.

Urijah: "I just wanted to be held for awhile, you know?"

Mizugaki: "zzzzzzzzzzzz..."

Urijah-"Oh no! I told him the safe word was FL?GG??NK?€?HIŒ??L?ÊN!"

I didn't know Asian's went limp after an orgasm?!

Thats it! presentation over. The crowds starting to boo. No, your chin balls had nothing to do with it, I know its not your fault urijah, you were an awesome C but its all rape drug and suicide scenes with this one.

"Rake up Mizugaki!!! Rake up!!!"

look at the stars,
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow...

your skin,
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
d'you know, you know i love you so
you know i love you so...

Look at the stars,
look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow...

Your skin,
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
d'you know? you know i love you so
you know i love you so...

Dana White "Anyone who says MMA is homo-erotic is a fucking faggot!"

(reporter slides over printed copy of the picture above)

Dana White "Fuck...

I mean FUCKing Faggots!! OK . Do over."

Reporter "But this is a live broadcast!?"

Dana White " Fuck you Faggot!"

Reporter " Excuse me DANA but fuck you! Your loud and offensive remarks are obviously to hide the fact that you are either a closest homosexual or very scared of gay men. Do you think we can't see that!!!??

(Dana White turns bright red with anger)

Dana stairs deep into the eyes of the reporter and a few seconds later.....

Dana bursts into tears and has a complete break down. Finally he pulls himself together, stands up, rips off his suit to reveal a pink shirt with "I love Brock Cock" written across the front.

Dana White "Happy nowwwwwwwwwww"

Dana White turns around and storms out

(The back of his shirt reads UFC - Ultimate Free Cock). Below in very small print is written in hand " The best Ive had but damn you for giving me that disease. Almost ruined my career. Our secret forever. Love Brock x x ():::D )

Hot damn that Korean Zombie's unstoppable.

A shot from the upcoming film "The Human Centipede 2: Superfighter" shows Josh Rosenthal, playing the mad doctor, attempting the resurrect part b of the chain.

Your soul is mine!

Man, these japanese models make look sleek and elegant but they can't stand up to proud, tough, American models. F**king A.

Rosenthal was so late seperating them because he was trying to remember the last time an asian fighter actually won in the UFC.

Takeya Mizugaki immediately after watching Locked Down

Uriah- "Josh....I think this dude just shit on me!
Josh- "I think you're right I saw him slam down 2 Amp energy drinks backstage!"

Josh: "Yes Urijah, I am going to use the purple nurple for this."

Faber: This is NOT what I expected when you said "happy ending" but ill take it

Thats the last time Mizugaki doesn't use the safe word with Faber.

Urijah, you are the wings that gives my spirit freedom to soar.
And you Takeya are the rock that keeps my soul grounded and completes me.

Okay Urijah, lets do it again, this time I will be Leonardo DiCaprio and you can be Kate Winslet.

I didnt do it mister! I swear he said he was 18, I dont know where he got that GHB!

In a suprise move the ref stepped in to apply the five finger palm exploding heart technique.

Exhausted Mizugaki collapsed, knowing that tonight he had fufilled vows to be the best geisha.

Takeyas innability to resist motorboating Urijas chin boobs ends badly.

Urijah Faber and Takeya Mizugaki starring in...The Human Centipede 2.

Sweet Dee gives birth to a sleeping asian

for the last time, you donky punch way too hard

I guess Calgon took him away...

Mizugaki got a little too excited at the idea of being rear naked choked by Urijah faber. (boner)

I swear officer, the safety word was Pumpernickle!

Is so It unfair!
The koreans get a zombie fighter and all we get is a corpse

I told you guys he was still alive...

arghh! how many times do i have to tell you my mouth is connected to your ass Takeya. Your the A I'm the B. Sometimes i feel like you didn't even watch the movie, or study the script, me and urijah managed to skip training long enough to learn our parts. Your so lucky we need a japanese for the front part of the centipede.

Urijah and Takeya re-enact a scene from the movie "Locked Down" to promote the new CP caption contest.

I haz a sleep now

thread over - NAPOUT FTW at exactly 16:12

seriously, unless this asain chick gets totally naked then I have absolutely no interest in this movie... oh, wait, the caption contest:

here's Uriah Faber beneath another tight asain...

Faber "Ok Rosenthal you just lay on top now and we got our selves a 1 of them kinky Japanese sandwiches"

On Saturday November 12, 2010, Takeya Mizugaki proudly announced the unveiling of his new MMA clothing line: "NAPOUT"

The chest-burster scene from the Turkish remake of "Alien".

"Officer, I swear I have no idea how he got here! Last thing I remember is my brothers and I just finished up a performance of "Mmmbop!", then I went backstage, had a few drinks... next thing I know I'm waking up with this half-naked dead Japanese guy between my legs. Aww man, this is not gonna look good in the tabloids. It took like a decade for those damn gay rumors to go away the first time......"

Call an ambulance! A suicidal Japanese janitor jumped out of the rafters and crushed a curly-haired midget!

Rex's first caption definitely deserves a copy of this movie.

Dr. Rosenthal: Congratulations Mr. Faber, it's a 135 lb, 26 year old, lifeless, Japanese boy!

Josh Rosenthal's human centipede was shit

Not the best timing for a nativity scene re-creation, but ok, Xmas is right around the corner.

The Human Centipede...you're doing it wrong.

Not as effective w/o a defibrillator Josh.

Unfunny sexual reference followed by many many more unfunny comments.
Tried and true method to win shit on CP.

faber stopped choking him when rosenthal started unleashing the body blows.

josh rosenthal pulling the spirit of mitzugaki from faber.

Ben Stein: Rosenthal?.........Rosenthal?..........Rosenthal?.......

Faber: After reading through all these captions Check out Bum Rush Radio at the bottom of Page one on the Main site page or I'll choke your bitch ass out!

Josh Rosenthol: Yeah He'll choke your bitch ass out!

Maz: Karmaatemycat is my hero, I hope to be the figher he is someday.

Urijah, I love you. That was amazing.
Look how romantic, the moon glowing beautifully above us.
Oh wait... That is just Rosenthal's dome.

he must have used too many imported supplements...

I did not expect spoilers in a caption contest. All bets are off when Break Media has shitty DVDs to hock.

The GSP greasegate scandal is laid to rest as Rosenthal using the phil nurse voodoo massage drill actually brings Takeya back to life

And when he awoke, Mizugaki realized he was sold on the Tempurpedic challenge

Japanese Zombie... just doesn't have the same ring to it

Narcolepsy. it happens at the most inoppertune times.

"It's a Boy" After many unsuccessful attempts to capture the birth of an MMA fighter in the wild, We finally get to witness how this miracle of life happens. Uriah looks proud but, drained from all the pushing.

Mizugaki and Faber are a shoe in for the gold in the 2 man luge.

"young, slender & Asian?? Thank you Jeeezzzuuussss!!!"

Rosenthal continues to let the fight go on for waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy longer than it should

Josh Rosenthal practices his day job chiropractic services in a new setting; tonight he's in the cage, Mizugaki is his patient, and Faber is his table.

Only a true love kiss will awaken Sleeping Beauty.

..., but I'm glad The Lollipop Kids have a bantamweight champion.

Whoever made the David Carradine comment, fucking awesome.

Wouldn't be the first time the Japanese stayed in a fight a little to long...

Not long after the Japanese received a picture of a whare and dorphin choking out Takeya.

Ben, can i Please just have a cagepotato shirt? you gave me one at the boston fan expo, but all you had left was extra freaking small. this DVD is obviously going to be the worst thing ever, and i wouldnt waste that amount of my life watching it. But please man, hook me up with a shirt so i can rock that shit all around my city. when i put the other one i have on, its disturbing. hit me up. rmeleedy@hotmail.com.

Jake Sheilds experiments with a new style in the cage where he sleeps face UP.

Ever the Renaissance Man, Urijah Faber wins by recreating The Pietà.

Josh Rosenthal: Takeya!....you gotta work outta this!....defend yourself Takeya or I'm gonna stop the fight!......Takeya!....you gotta work outta this!....defend yourself Takeya or I'm gonna stop the fight!......Takeya!....you gotta work outta this!....defend yourself Takeya or I'm gonna stop the fight!......Takeya!....you gotta work outta this!....defend yourself Takeya or I'm gonna stop the fight!.....

Josh Rosenthal: Urijah,...See you at your after-party,.....hope you got more bitches lined up for me than Brock did,.....His bitches were weak!

(Just out of frame).......The undertaker screams at Takeya Mizugaki ,.....You wanna do it?

Hush little baby don't say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It's just the Beast under your bed
In your closet, in your head
Exit Light
Enter Night
Grain of Sand
Takeya's off to never never land.

Josh Rosenthal: That's it Urijah,.....squeeze,.....squeeze,......you got him,....SQUEEZE!....don't let go,.....fuck ya,..... you got him,......................................................................................oh shit I'm the third man in the ring here,.....STOP!!!! STOP!!!! he's out!

Damn it Takeya! I'm the middle section in the human centipede and you don't die till the end of the scene! I'm only gonna show you this one more time. have you even seen the movie!?!

Rosenthal: Oh shit! what the fuck do i do with him?
Urijah: Bro.. you're a male nurse!

Cecil Peoples scores that round 10-8 for Mizugaki.

Cecil Peoples scored the round 10-9 Mizugaki.

And it looks like Mizugaki came altogether too soon.

Bro, you're a male nurse.

I learned this move from Greg Jackson. Watch this Urijah, you touch his chest and rub his back sensually in circles and hes good for at least another two rounds!
Errr...well, it worked on that hooker...

I'm sorry Rosenthal, I would have let go sooner but he had this grin on his face and whispered in my ear "Don't stop"

faber: "ugh...he was drooling all over me."

Josh: Dude, Urijah, you know this is a MALE Real Doll, right?

Urijah: ...what?

Sometimes...these things happen in MMA

I shall now dip your head in these waters and you will be reborn a new man!

"Dude, you do know there are easier ways to achieve REM sleep."

I can feel the tip riiiight... here.

Faber seen here demonstrating that he is the only man alive able to choke someone out and wipe his ass at the same time.

Rosenthal: Did you notice a sign out in front of the cage that said "Dead Jap Storage"?!

"What's that? You think I should have stopped it earlier? well, I told you to stop facebooking my wife! Thanks Urijah"

When questioned after the fight by Ariel Helwani which Patrick Swayze movie they felt like this picture best captured, Urijah Faber said "Ghost" with Demi Moore and likened himself to Patrick Swayze. Takeya Mizukgaki said he felt free and without a care in the world in a Jennifer Grey "Dirty Dancing" kind of way.

Eric Koch interrupted and said he was totally Swayze in "Roadhouse" and also acknowledged that he most closely resembled the pale Sam Wheat character from "Ghost."

Josh Rosenthal was going to answer as well but just like in the fight itself, he waited 10 seconds too long and everybody had already walked away.

Post "Me Love You Long Time" nap

Human cockfighting, or autoerotic asphyxiation?

"When spooning goes wrong"

The safety word...it does nothing!!!

Tapping out's for bi...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Mizugaki proves to be stiff competition for Faber.

that movie sucks balls!! i suggest you paypal the winner the same value of the S&H, he will be much happier...

Trustfall!!!!

Urijah:" Josh you need to come over here, something is wrong."
Josh:" Yep, his nipples are unusually hard.. I'm calling it..."

Not my fault bro, Dana strictly told me "No-more-asians"

I'll never let go Jack!

Train some MMA! (like a boss)Get some ammy fights! (like a boss)Knock some dudes out! (like a boss)Decide to turn pro! (like a boss)Wreck some more dudes! (like a boss)Get a shiny belt! (like a boss)Grow my hair out! (like a boss)Meet Mike Brown! (like a boss)Take a nap now! (like a boss)Try that shit again!(like a boss)Rematch Mike Brown!(like a boss)Break both hands!(like a boss)Lose a heartbreaker!(oh fuck man i can't fucking do it, man, shit)Remain laid back! (like a boss)Start my comeback! (like a boss)Avoid Mike Brown! (like a boss)Sign for Aldo! (like a boss)Take some leg kicks! (like a boss)Hobble painfully! (like a boss)Tweet some pictures! (like a boss)Learn to walk again! (like a boss)Drop to bantam! (like a boss)Bring back the old me! (like a boss)Meet Mizugaki! (like a boss)Choke his brains out! (like a boss)Celebrate big win!(like a boss)Get my drink on!(like a boss)Call out Dom Cruz!(like a boss)And pass the fuck out!(like a boss)  

Mizugaki heard the news about the WEC-UFC merger and immediately fainted. Once again the California kid saved the day by breaking his fall.

However the devious Jeff Monson rushes in to instinctively write Anarchy all over Mizugaki's chest.

No class in that guy, no class.

After seeing his idol, Jon Fish sitting ringside, Mizugaki started wondering what it would be like to fight one's own idol. This thought process did not serve him well...

I had a dream that started out exactly like this...

meh, something something,,,gay.

Don't worry guys, I saw a picture of wandy and shogun rolling and apparently it's only gay if you make eye contac- wait, what the hell are you doing!?


xttp://500motivators.com/plog-content/thumbs/motivate/me/large/214-jiu-jitsu-its-only-gay-if-you-make-eye-contact.jpg

Urijah I'm giving you a warning, next time you kill a man in the cage I'm taking a point away

Someone's shit has been smushed in this photo...can you guess who?

It doesn't take an engineer to get people see stars.

Rosenthal: "Urijah, I made it abundantly clear back in the locker room and in my pre fight instructions, any mention of Jake Shields during the fight was strictly prohibited. This victory will be a NC, I'm afraid you're disqualified."

Wow rex way to be unoriginal as shit.. copy and pasting dialogue from a movie.

By the way I just got my autographed book from winning that last caption contest I won. You know the one where I quoted... nevermind...

(because i'm obligated to do this....)Faber:  Josh! It's Urijah. I'm in big fuckin' trouble, man. I'm coming to your house. Rosenthal:  Whoa. Whoa. Hold your horses, man. What's the problem? Faber:  I've got this dude, he's fuckin' O.D.in' on me! Rosenthal:  Well, don't bring him here! I'm not even fuckin' joking with you, man! Do not be bringing some fucked-up pooh-bah to my house! Faber:   No choice. Rosenthal:  He's O.D.in'? Faber:  He's fuckin' dyin' on me, man! Rosenthal:  Okay, then you bite the fuckin' bullet, take him to a hospital and call a lawyer. Faber:  Negative. Rosenthal:  This is not my fuckin' problem, man! You fucked him up, you fuckin' deal with this!

Mouth guard, 35.00
Board shorts, 59.95$
WEC gloves, 99.00


Getting your windpipe crushed and having to drink dim sum through a straw... Unfortunate.

I found him like this!!
I swear!!

Wake up, Wake up!... Oh crap I sure hope I don't have to give mouth to mouth. Nevermind, he was just faking.

Just stay still, your temporary tattoo will be set in a few seconds

This is what I get for training with Jordan Van Der Sloot.

"The power of Christ compels you! The-power-of-Christ-compels you! The-power.... "

The dummy in the suit almost got there before Rosenthall.

That's for pearl harbor...

Someone photoshop some water squirting out of Mizugaki's mouth.

Nice tubes, That was almost a death choke bro.

kaaaaliiiimaaahhhh
kaaaaliiiimaaahhhh
KAAAALIIIMAAAHHH!!!!

and thus Rosenthal invents the temple of doom thumb KO.

Don't worry Urijah, you made Clint Eastwood proud.

Um, he did sign his waiver, right?

-Congratulations, Mr. Faber, it's a boy.

-I didn't know you could get sleep boners from being choked out.

-Sadly, this isn't the first time Urijah has come to his senses only to find a half dead asian man lying on top of him.

-Ok Takeya, your turn to be the big spoon.

-"Guys! Guys! If you insist on doing this then I suggest you try these new condoms I got from Herb Dean"

Rosenthal: Jesus fucking christ, give me a minute!!!

See Sen. Reilly? I told you, MMA is completely saf....OH MY GOD HE'S DEAD!

"Hey! QUITTIN' is in movies! I should be in movies too. I can't fight cuz I'm waiting on Rua. I gotta make money somehow!"

Patented Josh Rosenthal approach to reffing: wait until they're as limp as his dick.

Stay gold Rosenthal....stay gold

Rosenthal: I thought it would be rude to not let them cuddle a little afterward.

"It's not what it looks like! Umm.....We're practicing for a play!"

And the winner by Rear Naked California Dreamin Choke, Urijah Faber!

*Panting Takeya Mizugaki*
Wow Urijah you are one stud!
I had an amazing night... next time ill be on the bottom. I think its gonna be hard walking for the next couple of days.
Urijah - Yeah baby back at my best weight, also my best position

Wow, a sixty nine is totally different in Japan!

Seriously when I saw how pale he was I thought he would have major brain damage of some kind.


Also stop trying to pawn crappy movies on us you bastards.

The thoughts going through Rosenthal's mind:

1) support head and neck and prepare for chest compressions if needed
2) place thumb on xyphoid process and locate diaphragm
3) please God don't let him die. I need this job and I'm a better ref than Mazzagatti...

Once again, a fat man and little boy team up to wreak havok on the Japanese.  (i'm very sorry.)

When they asked him to compete in those Human Chess events, he pictured the outcome slightly different

George had never seen a dead body before, but as he peered over the shoulder of Rosenthal, he knew what it was. The image was a snap shot to him, and as it was burned into his memory, the muzzle flash of nostalgia erupted just behind his corneas. He remembered the birth of his first child, graduation day at the medical school, kissing the forehead of his sleeping wife the morning after they first made love. All of it blinked into then out of focus, soon overtaken by the wail of the blood-thirsty crowd around him. For a moment, he thought he had been transported to another place, not of this time, but of ancient, more barbaric times. All they, the fans, cared about was the victory, the sight of seeing something ugly, something evil happen in front of them. It disgusted him.
"Maybe this is it," he thought, "the last straw."
He knew it was the last time he'd do this. The last time he would subject himself to the brutality of human war. But now wasn't the time to falter. He still had a job to do, at least until the end of the night.
George tightened the pale blue gloves on his hands and pushed up his glasses. It was time to go to work...

As he picked up the last piece of california roll off of Mizagaki's chest, Rosenthal couldn't help but think to himself, "Worst naked sushi table ever."

For the first and last time, Rosenthal uses the "David Carradine choke count" in a televised fight.

While promising in theory, the Mixed Martial Arts-based remake of "Fire In The Sky" was off to a shaky start.

For reference: hxxp://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/da/Fire_in_the_sky_poster.jpg

Uriah "Suicide Blonde" Faber.

;)

Mizugaki: Be careful if you ever get a sleeper hold. The next day your anus will really hurt.

"Yeah ... maybe next time you don't eyeball my wyife and I'll stop the fight on time ... fucker."

Is this some kind of Lemonparty prequel?

Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Dead Asian-American, please.

Rosenthal - "Takeya, if I'm pressing down too hard on your chest, tell me and I'll stop the fight."

Takeya - "....."

Rosenthal - "He's good, resume your positions."

"Dammit, Faber, what part of 'ARMAGEDDON!' don't you understand?"

He was like this when I got here!

"o'doyle rules"-faber

The California Kid Vs. The California Roll

Quick, while he is out I heard these people love bukake.

Urijah "Wait, this shouldn't be giving me a boner right?"

Well at least it was stopped quicker than Yves Lavigne stopped the Marcus Davis vs. Nate Diaz fight, that is a positive right?

"Dont worry Urijah i'll have him off you in no time, whenever something Japanese freezes in my house i just have to hit the reset button......lemme try the sternum, shit, hold on."

Urijah- listen Mizugaki i dont care how many times you turn around, I will never kiss you.....you knew what this was

Josh - "So I just press this button and hold it for 3sec to force a reboot?"

Urijah - "Yeah, I think that's how these Japanese robots work"

Rosenthal - "Rise my minion, soon, soon my zombie army will be complete"

"Look mah, I'm Roadkill!!!"

"Wooo takeya, I need a cigarette how 'bout you??, Takeya? hello Takeya..Takeya?...hello??"

OR

"I'm sorry Urijah I usually last longer"

"The Japanese Zombie" Takeya Mizugaki .

His eyes were rolling back in his head, it was tough to tell but trust me.

Please, just spoon with me lead singer of Jonathon Taylor Thomas.

Meanwhile, Josh Rosenthal was still trying to figure out if Mizugaki was conscious or not.

And down will go Takeya........cradle and all.

Faber - "I think he's dead"

Rosenthal - "yeah he's dead!"

Is that a fortune cookie in Mizugaki's pants or has rigor mortis began to set in?

Well by the looks of it Takeya Mizugaki nickname is "The Japanese Zombie"

And on the third day, he was resurrected...

I dont want that DVD.

I might not be Mazagatti, but I sure will SHOCK him back to life. Lay still goldielocks we will have you free soon.