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Lost in Translation? Coach Blames ‘Forbidden Psychological Technologies’ for Fedor’s Loss to Bigfoot

(That’s a lot of suitcases for a dude who clearly only owns one set of clothing. PicProps:

Oh, boy. We really only see three options here: Either a report out on Wednesday from the Russian language website lost something during its conversion to English, the following interview is a complete hoax or the people responsible for training the greatest heavyweight MMA fighter of all time are way, way, way, way, way crazier than we even thought. According to a translation provided by the good people at Fighters Only, Fedor Emelianenko coach Vladimir Voronov told LifeSports this week he thinks Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva used psychic mind control to claim victory last Saturday night in the opening round of the Strikeforce heavyweight grand prix. No, we are not fucking kidding you. Check it out:

“We believe that forbidden psychological technology was used …,” Voronov told the website. “It seems to us that not everything was right, and that certain technologies were used. Not ones that could be seen by the naked eye but psychological technologies that worked on both fighters at a distance … That is why during the fight Fedor was just not like himself. It seemed very strange behavior from Fedor. He stepped into the ring and did everything exactly the opposite of what we practiced before the fight. We were all shocked! Fedor had never previously done such a thing.”

You think that sounds insane? Brother, you haven’t even read the weirdest part yet …

According to Fighters Only: “Voronov also observed with suspicion the fact that Fedor seemed to look “a little depressed” while Silva “literally glowed from the overflowing of his energy.” Voronov suspects the use of a person or persons in the audience capable of “blocking energy” and “transferring energy from one person to another.”

We’re tempted to call bullshit on these quotes because … well … they just seem too crazy, even for Fedor’s people. Then again, these comments actually don’t seem too far removed from Rashad Evans’ claims that he heard Emelianenko was mentally unsettled by the absence of his personal priest leading up to the Bigfoot fight.

In our view, the scariest part here is not that these reports found their way to the public, but that the man we’ve all spent years lauding (even worshiping) as the greatest fighter in the history of our sport might actually believe this shit. Or at least surround himself with people who believe this shit. Of course, cast in this light a lot of things about Fedor’ career – the seclusion, the weird religious obsession, the fact that his handlers never want him to say much to the media – start to make more sense.

Give credit to, though. They didn’t just run with a one-source story on this crap. Oh no, they went and made it even weirder by interviewing an instructor at “Russia’s largest school of hypnosis” who said Voronov was right on the money.

“The human mind has enormous power of suggestion, it explains all sorts of curses, evil eye, etc.,” this guy Nicholas Zakharkin reportedly said. “Therefore, if a well-trained specialist is in the area of visual contact with Emelianenko, then he could convince him of anything and have any effect. If the hypnotist was set up and sat at a distance where he could meet eyes, he could make hypnotic influence without any big problem.”

Riiiiiight. So, there you have it. Case closed. Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva def. Fedor Emelianenko via Doctor’s Stoppage (psychic mind control), round 2, 5:00.

Uh, we’re going to need the New Jersey Athletic Commission to step in and make a ruling on this …

Update: The spokeshipster tweets at MMA Fighting’s Mike Chiappetta: “It was a Voronov joke lost in the translation of a less than serious article :) .” Hmmm. Is it possible for an emoticon to laugh nervously and mumble, “Those guys so crazy. Is only funny joke, no?” before awkwardly drifting away at the first lull in conversation?

Cagepotato Comments

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karma is a douche- February 17, 2011 at 2:07 am
My coaches teach me this type attack all the time, I'm also well versed in the art of bukake....
mrB- February 16, 2011 at 3:42 pm
This is ridiculous! Fedor lost. Get over it. Would of have been better if they let him and silva go at it for the last round. But it is what it is. Big fan of both fighters.
ccman- February 16, 2011 at 3:03 pm
Seriously. Do nut huggers really need anything else to hold on too?

Dr. Stoppage because he was blind isn't a loss, silva was tired and primed to be beaten. Huge game of cat and mouse rocky III style. Lost sweater. Voodoo. Nothing to do with fat and slow and over hyped buying into his own protected for 7 years hype.... nope can't be that.

Fyi, ever seen a funny russian? Me either. They are scum by nature and if you live elsewhere and bitch about american arrogance I refer you to sergeis post fight "russians are the best in the world" comment.
Or dare any of you to actually visit russia..... pasty africans. Look at africa before you think that's racist.
cecils_pupils- February 16, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Mind control is for real, and Silva's camp was using it that night. Silva hired the men to stare at the GOAT and deplete his energy. Had the fight not been stopped, the GOAT's heart would have exploded.
steampunk22- February 16, 2011 at 2:16 pm
+EVERYTHING to @goog for that post. Give the man his 8th shirt.
Waxedpants- February 16, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I have suspected that helwani is a practitioner of the black arts for some time now. glad I am not alone.
Harry Nips- February 16, 2011 at 1:43 pm
@el famous- +1 for Naked Gun reference. Enrico Pollatzo called a great game that day.

I wonder if Silva used the same guy Shooter McGavin did to throw Happy Gilmore off his game before he got wrecked by Bob Barker. "JACKASS"
ReX13- February 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm
LOKI is dropping LaVey knowledge on you jokers.
El Famous Burrito- February 16, 2011 at 12:43 pm
We're all lucky that Bigfoot stopped him before he killed The Queen of England.
lek- February 16, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Ok it was my fault. Not really, but I was at the walk in plank, watching him pass me, and he did look very weird and depressed. Then in the cage before it started, my dad noted from my pictures that he always had his head down and looked depressed...
LOKI- February 16, 2011 at 12:26 pm
7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

Someone should just ask Bigfoot. If he denies it and its true, he will piss hot and get ball cancer.
Turd Furgeson- February 16, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Weight classes don't matter. He can beat anybody at any weight. Especially 155 and lower.
durf- February 16, 2011 at 12:14 pm
wow mma 'journalism' at its best
RwilsonR- February 16, 2011 at 12:13 pm
'Forbidden psychological technologies' that 'could [not] be seen by the naked eye.'
There really is nothing like Communist propaganda.
Horse Gag- February 16, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Does his neck look skinny?
Dynamo- February 16, 2011 at 12:04 pm
I think American MMA media need to stay away from the google translator.
steampunk22- February 16, 2011 at 12:04 pm
PS, you guys gotta rock the Akismet cuz they spamming 'erybody up in here.
sobaka- February 16, 2011 at 12:01 pm
LOL... one of my friends from St.Petersburg knows Fedor very well and has spoken to him after he got back to Russia. He confirmed that he was rocked before the second round and hasn't fully recovered, hence the mad overhand right which was completely uncalled for and let Silva to dive for double-leg. That was crazy. Not your mind control stories. Keep reading though, you gotta grab your info somewhere, right? Trolls must be fed! :)))
GetUpAndKill- February 16, 2011 at 11:58 am
It is now clearly evident that Ariel Helwani is behind this.

Ariel secured (at least verbally) possession of Fedor's Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory during his interview with Fedor and his handlers (including the mysterious "Tanya" who's role will be explored more later). This sweater served as a Talisman for Fedor's success in the US; however, unknowingly, Fedor cast it aside in the heap of laundry back in Stary Oskol, donning only the Russian Orthodox necklace. As evident by Ariel's table of voodoo as seen in his studio, he secures "power objects" from fighters and sells to the highest bidders in the practice of Energy Vampirism. You can do your own research on Ariel's past offences but make note that Gian Villiante also lost after appearing on the MMA HOUR after Fedor. The agreement in terms of the sweater was verbal submission of Fedor's energy to Helwani and subsequently the highest paying bidder. Now I am no conspiracy theorist but Ariel rise to power and cozy relationship with a certain Dana White (a figure who certainly had an interest in Fedor's loss and ultimate deterioration of the Strikeforce heavy weight tournament) is suspicious.

TANYA: The use of translators has been of recent controversy. Anderson Silva, Dana's firing of the inept Portuguese translator and of course Tanya's odd and peculiar behavior in the scribing of the Last Emperor's words. It is unclear at this point how Tanya (who appears to be a Gypsy) is employed in this role while other M1 handlers could translate the overly edited words of Fedor. What is clear is that Fedor was "out of sorts" in all stages of his participation in the tournament. From his agreement to lengthy interviews, confused recollection of meetings with Dana White, the belly button lint incident, the absence of his priest cage-side and the obvious beating by Bigfoot Silva. One look at Fedor as he entered the arena in his nighty would tell you something was foul. When you consider that security of M1 officials was contracted by the Hell's Angels, one begins to think this M1 organization may be corrupt.

As a Zuffa media zombie, Ariel may not be solely to blame for his actions. The every seeing eye of Zuffa (twitter) has descended upon us all. The only theory I can offer in this fallout is that the Zionist Jews are punishing the Russian Orthodox Church. For reasons unknown, despite previous cooperation with the underworld (the Yakuza) Fedor's simple life of bathing and ice cream will never be the same.
SFalvo- February 16, 2011 at 11:46 am
Lost in translation? Voronov needs to face reality: He's no longer one of the top comedians in Russia.
Goog- February 16, 2011 at 11:39 am
No, this is legit. My wife depresses me, steals my energy, and makes me do shit all the time with similar methods. And she can do it over the phone... doesn't even have to make eye contact.
Brian M- February 16, 2011 at 11:31 am
Maybe is the Russion equivalent of The Onion. That's the ONLY possible explanation for this outlandish shit!
Stak40- February 16, 2011 at 11:31 am
Isnt the camera suppose to add 10 pounds...why does Fedor look like a gay Popov model who told his photographer(sex master) he doesnt do implied nude.
Gooner- February 16, 2011 at 11:30 am
I was on the fence whether or not Feder should retire after the Silva loss. But now I hope he does retire, it would be a shame if the twilight of his career were to be masked by these laughable excuses (lost in translation some of it maybe).

One would like to think Fedor doesnt believe this nonsense, and would come out and deny these sort of crazy excuses and just say the better man won.....saying that though he does have his own personal priest, so i wouldnt put money on that.
steampunk22- February 16, 2011 at 11:26 am
....and about thirty pounds of Evgeni Kogan's holier-than-thou hipster bullshit.