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Luke Cummo May Have Quietly Retired From Fighting, But He’s Still Full of Piss and [Organic Homeopathic] Vinegar


("I’m actually going to use these shorts to brew tea with this afternoon.")

If you’re like us, you sometimes stand while waiting for your coffee at Starbucks or or at the urinal of an all you can eat crab shack and ponder things like, "Why can’t CagePotato have a TV show" and "Whatever happened to Luke Cummo?"

Since PBS isn’t big on our brand of humor, the television thing likely won’t happen any time in the near future, but we can give you the 411 on Cummo.

Apparently the pre-Machida-era pee drinking fighter from TUF 2 retired without telling anyone and is planning on launching an organic fight clothing line.

"Yeah, [I retired]. I have a bum knee from when I was fifteen. Excess weight caused a bulge in the meniscus and the surgeon convinced my mom to get it cut out. That’s not an excuse," the 3-4 UFC veteran told MMASucka recently. "I feel unbelievably fortunate to have been in the cage and made it out. If I was a gladiator, I would still be alive to tell the tale… like before my last fight when the photographer took my picture right before walking out into the arena. The flash burned a circle into my vision and it didn’t go away for a while."

In case you’re wondering if the new age nutrition buff still enjoys things like coffee enemas and drinking his own piss, well as they say "old habits never change." Apparently though,  they do evolve into something stranger and more disgusting.


"I had corrective surgery to repair a broken nose sustained in a professional fight at the beginning of my career. I was relatively young and went to the after-party instead of the hospital, then it was broken a couple of times since. Now I snort my urine whenever I can because it feels amazing, although its taking a while to get used to putting stuff up the nose," Cummo said. "Right now I do about a half cup between the two nostrils. My left side is still blocked a little and takes some effort to get the liquid through. I still have months to go before being fully recovered. If I didn’t do what I do, I wouldn’t be as far along as I am- the surgery was in October."

Something tells me that isn’t all Cummo, who was charged with DUI in 2007 (which is ironic considering that most homeopaths believe that alcohol is like poison to the body) has snorted.

Seriously, dude. You are snuffing piss into your sinuses to clean them out? I’d hate to hear what you brush your teeth with.

Cummo went on to explain why urine therapy works and after reading his explanation, it made even less sense to me.

Chemistry is limited in it’s scope because it doesn’t take into account the electromagnetic properties of all of life. Its part of an outdated paradigm that gave us things like aluminium smelted fluoride for our teeth and vaccinations. I don’t recommend either of those, to be clear," Cummo explained, as if anybody besides the chicks with hairy armpits who refuse to wear deodorant and hang out at Whole Foods knows what the hell he is talking about.  "Next time you pee look closely at the stream and see the light coming from within the liquid. This is what animates you and should be conserved. Urine therapy is about conservation of one’s self and is so useful for treating all kinds of conditions, even tumours and blood sugar and digestive challenges. It can be applied externally as well."

So let me get this straight, Cummo thinks that light comes from within his urine like he’s a Jedi and his penis is a lightsaber with healing powers. Now I’ve heard everything. It has nothing to do with the fact that it’s a semi-transparent liquid that light can shine through.
 
"I drink as much [piss] as I can as often as I can…Nothing can hydrate better than urine. YOURine can help clear ringworm in most cases as long as the cause is removed. Ringworm is a parasite fungus that eats dying tissue. 80% of the time people see the doctor its because of what’s going on in the intestine," Cummo says before going on to  explain that piss has a relatively short shelf life. "The fresher, the better. For external use it can be stored overnight in a cool, dark place to potentiate. I put it in glass but wood, clay, crystal, and some metal is ok. 6 months stored urine becomes a powerful and wonderful evacuative."

Evacuative, meaning it makes you puke? As in, when he wants to throw up he drinks six month old piss he’s saved in a jar? Hasn’t he ever heard of Ipecac?
 

Comments

  1. Sudos KFC Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 03:46


    What. The. Fuck.
  2. Sudos KFC Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 03:50


    Is piss full of calories as well? Because luke is looking a bit chunky too...
  3. danomite Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 04:03


    We need to get him and Matt Horwich in a room together and see who can misuse the largest number of big, scientific sounding words. And I thought I remember a story about how this guy was a vegetarian but then went on a hot wing binge and followed it up with a DUI. I also wanna know how he snorts his piss. Does he use a neti pot or does he just snort it through a straw like a cokehead?
  4. mtnthc Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 04:08


    Urine is something your body is trying to get rid of. Can someone cut this dip shit's kidneys out and give them somebody who really can use them,...
  5. Miles Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 04:17


    LOL. He can't actually believe this stuff, can he? wow...
  6. DazedNConfused Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 04:17


    This guy is batshit crazy. Him and Dan Quinn need to have a Stevia and Urine party ASAP.
  7. Morningwood Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 04:18


    yeah as far as I know they still make vitamins, and water. So, why would you drink old vitamins and water mixed with inpurity's your body has expelled? almost the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
  8. Del Fuego Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 04:54


    He has to be joking right? Couldn't be serious.
  9. rockhuddy Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 06:46


    Well, he's right that fluoride and vaccines are bad.
  10. doowm Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 06:49


    looks like he waited to long to grab the "collection jar" and pissed on himself before that pic was taken! (dude's a gross fucker!)
  11. anderson wanderlei paulo thiago alves silva Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 06:55


    a bottle of vitamins is 13 bucks from gnc. messing with your piss is gross
  12. Daddy_jeffy Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 08:01


    He beat Joe Stevenson's ass in the TUF finale, but Dana didn't want to smell his breath when he handed him the lucite so they jobbed him out of the win.
  13. fightfan Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 08:31


    Was this really him?? He actually admitted in a puiblic forum for many to hear that he SNORTS a half cup(4 ounces) of piss?? WTF?? That must taste great as the piss uns down the back of throat. This guy is fucking looney.
  14. Koeikan Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 09:38


    Ha ha ha... I heart unintentional comedy. Thank you once again, Luke. "Apparently though, they do evolve into something stranger and more disgusting." -- The perfect segue.
  15. RSparrow Says:

    Mon, 12/20/10 - 10:59


    Pee is a hell of a drug
  16. Ascerendant Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 12:07


    Now imagine you've never heard of the guy, you meet him in a bar, he tells you all this and then he goes on: "Yeah...and I used to be a cagefighter, by the way. Fought in the UFC actually". That would be one of those very, very sad nights that start off with much laughter and a sentence like "Suuurreee, dude! If you are a cagefighter then I'll drink from one of your six-month-old-piss-jars ".
  17. El Guapo Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 12:37


    "How's taste my pe.." Noooo, that would be too obvious.
  18. agentsmith Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 05:44


    @DazedNConfused: You know what, playa? Piss filtered with Stevia cleans out the toxins and produces what I call Purine™. For reals.
  19. LOKI Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 05:52


    So your telling me if I pay a hooker to pee on my ringworm spots that it will all clear up? Or does it have to be my pee? How much do I have to drink before I get the Golden Glow like in the Last Dragon? Will I see things no one else can see and do things no one else can do?
  20. DARKHORSE06 Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 06:19


    I heard eating your own shit was really good for you too. You gotta eat it fresh though, like when the light is still in it.
  21. GILL-uh-TEEN Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 07:04


    If he'd open his mind a little, and mix in some Stevia, he wouldn't have a bum knee anymore and he could fight (striking only brah) anyone they put in front of him.
  22. Fried Taco Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 08:05


    MMA Mafia must be so proud to have him repping their clothing. I feel a hit coming on soon.
  23. RwilsonR Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 08:28


    "I feel unbelievably fortunate to have been in the cage and made it out. If I was a gladiator, I would still be alive to tell the tale…" Unfortunately, Luke, gladiators didn't fight until the ref waved them off. If you were a gladiator and you fought Joe Stevenson in the Colosseum 2000 years ago, chances are pretty good that when he laid you out cold, your piss-drinking ass would be getting the old thumbs-down from Caesar.
  24. Frank Mur Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 09:35


    I was once asked why I didn't care for Luke Cuomo, my response was, "I can't put my finger on it." I wish I could remember who asked me that...
  25. just some dong Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 10:32


    It's not everyday that you read something and become dumber for it. Thanks, CP.
  26. darciesdaddy Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 10:49


    It sounds like he still hasn't discovered the miraculous properties of the urine enema. The light from the pee will shine right out of your ass, and make flowers grow. Also, I need to tie a knot in my dick, so the life-animating light stops draining out.
  27. darciesdaddy Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 10:52


    And one more thing... Is it just me, or does it look like his pants are loaded up with a fresh batch of urine?
  28. DARKHORSE06 Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 11:23


    This guy must pull so much ass.
  29. Charming Charlie Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 04:50


    The pee spot is photoshopped. The pee light is real.
  30. Charming Charlie Says:

    Tue, 12/21/10 - 04:50


    The next post was funny.
  31. Luke Cummo - Page 3 - MMA News Forums Says:

    Mon, 04/11/11 - 06:39


    [...] retirement, as well as confirmation that Cummo was the Jackie Robinson of pee-drinking in the UFC. Luke Cummo May Have Quietly Retired From Fighting, But He’s Still Full of Piss and [Organic Ho... rh __________________ All manner of men came to work for the News: everything from wild young [...]
  32. Newetuah Says:

    Wed, 02/22/12 - 07:04


    This is why you don't talk to your average MMA mentality, Luke, they don't respect what they don't understand. I have no interest in urine therapy, but if someone feels it works for them, then it does. The usual UFC mentality is to ridicule, martial arts they don't feel would work in the ring, and that transcends to most anything they don't get.
  33. skunkr1der Says:

    Sat, 02/02/13 - 03:16


    I'm a huge fan of MMA, but this article proves one statement I read recently: 'The Pro-Wrestling fans of the 80's are the MMA fans of today' The article feels like it was written by a jealous monkey of a jock, wondering why his girl walks away with the geek.
  34. skunkr1der Says:

    Sat, 02/02/13 - 03:21


    Also, people bashing Luke for losing a fight to Joe 'I'm a pro-wrestler and that's all I can do' Stevenson? Pretty much says everything you need to know about yourself as a fighting-fan if you prefer one guy laying on top of the other guy for 3x5 minutes and calling it winning.
  35. google Says:

    Mon, 06/10/13 - 11:34


    google... Google http://news.google.com...

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