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Mark Kerr Has No Chance In Hell, Oddsmakers Say

(For reasons that are still unclear, "Neanderthal Knight Rider" never got picked up by any major network.)

Former Smashing Machine Mark Kerr is forty years old, riding a four-fight losing streak, and weighing a not-so svelt 263 for his fight with "King Mo" Lawal at tonight’s troubled M-1 "Breakthrough" event.  You can decide for yourself which of those factors played the primary role in making him an almost comical 8-1 underdog in this fight.  BetUs currently has Kerr at +800, while Lawal is going off at -1600.  If you’re not much of a gambler, let us just tell you that that’s basically like oddsmakers saying there’s a better chance of Kerr’s head exploding on the walk down to the ring than there is of him winning this fight.

In an article for penned by Michael Schiavello, who is presumably moving from broadcast duties into print so he can also annoy the deaf, Kerr says he’s embarrassed with his past performances and knows why everyone is writing him off.  He also figures that eventually the UFC will run out of people to feed Brock Lesnar and that’s when they’ll give old Kerr a call.  In other words, he’s not thinking with a clear head right now, probably because his is stuffed with corndogs.

Not that we don’t understand why Kerr is a heavy dog in this fight, but 8-1?  And against a smaller guy who’s only had four pro fights?  Surely, one of you cowboys out there has the grapefruits to throw down some cash on this one…right?

Cagepotato Comments

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Levi Jones- August 28, 2009 at 11:24 pm
El Famous Burrito knocked it out of the park. If that doesn't deserve (the promise of and subsequent lack of) a t-shirt, I don't know what does.
Dr Garbo- August 28, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Why dont you just send the money to me and Ill send you a forged Mark Kerr signature on a half eaten chilidog so that way you get something for your wasted money
tallkitchenbags- August 28, 2009 at 4:50 pm
no long term damage from steroid and hgh abuse there. dude's head looked like that all along.
Harry Russo- August 28, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Twenty on Kerr.
RaginAsian- August 28, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Fuck it, I'll put $20 on Kerr. With those odds I've got way more to gain than lose. And you know what? This is mma. Shit happens. Right when absolutely no one gives you a chance, you pull through.

GSP-Serra 1, Couture-everybody, CroCop-Gonzaga, etc.

If Kerr manages to pull a fast one out of his ass, you better believe people will start to logically reason out why he had a chance after all.
Seoul Brother- August 28, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Goddamnit. El Famous Burrito FTW.
RPS13- August 28, 2009 at 1:12 pm
damn +800 -1600 is embarrassing
parchy mcthirst- August 28, 2009 at 12:50 pm
fuckin right, kerr will win...
One Two- August 28, 2009 at 12:42 pm
i'm an underdog junkie i didn't know they had bets open on betus for this event. I'm all over it WAR SMASHINGMACHINE!!!!
bobzemuda- August 28, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Like my $1 bet for an 11 fight UFC 102 parlay that will yield me $165 if right.
ihateemo- August 28, 2009 at 11:55 am
Man, if Lawal loses to Kerr his stock is going to plummet even faster than Fedor's will if he loses to the Grimm.
Nut Puncher 9000- August 28, 2009 at 11:43 am
Wow, I wonder if I could get better odds if I fought Mo. They are basically admitting Kerr is just a warm body that can get its way to the ring.

I got twenty on him just because I feel bad about how much money I am going to make when Couture puts the Stick n Move on Nog.
omunto- August 28, 2009 at 11:32 am
It's like you have cameras in my house Lysol...
CJvsCP- August 28, 2009 at 11:31 am
The pop you get when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of gas bursting, is that going to happen to Kerr's head tonight?
Lysol- August 28, 2009 at 11:25 am
Betting on Kerr is like buying a Powerball ticket: You know your odds of winning are almost non-existant, but you disregard that when you see all the 0s and commas attached to the amount of money your insane bet can bring you. You then cry yourself to sleep when you (predictably) lose and your landlord shuts off your heat.
El Famous Burrito- August 28, 2009 at 11:18 am
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman.

Your world frightens and confuses me. When I see my image on the Mickey's replay, I wonder, are they stealing my soul? I don't know, because I'm a caveman, and that's the way I think.

I get so upset, I hop out of the octagon, and run across the arena to to the luxury suites, where I get Chuck Liddell to make me one of those Chuck-tinis he's so famous for, to soothe my primitive caveman brain.

But whatever world you're from, I do know one thing - that when he freaked out, hit a few occupied cars with his truck and went on a reckless police chase, my client, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson was legally insane. And, for that reason, I ask that you fine him...not guilty.

Thank you.
omunto- August 28, 2009 at 11:13 am
Maybe its the boxing fan in me but Lawal could make a pretty penny having a friend put 10k done on Kerr...
ccarter- August 28, 2009 at 11:06 am
Neanderthal knight rider... caption of the month haha love it.