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Meanwhile, in Boxing: A Mexican Politician With Pec Implants Fought the Most Bogus Fight Ever

(Word has it that upon seeing this image, Brock Lesnar’s sword tattoo grew 3 inches.)

While admittedly not being experts in the field of boxing, we here at CagePotato still think we’ve seen enough action inside the squared circle to spot a sham — Big Knockout Boxing or Mickey Rourke, for instance — and my God, if this isn’t the be-all end-all of boxing shams.

Meet Jorge Kahwagi, the amorphous creature pictured above who is an actual human being and not, as we originally thought, a prop from the face melting scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark. According to Fightland, Kahwagi is some kind of Mexican politician/showbiz personality/boxer who, 10 years after compiling an auspicious 11-0 record, decided to step back in the ring last weekend at 47 years of age and prove he still had it. “It” in this case being a set of fake tits, shoulders, biceps, and a face surgically-constructed purely out of bologna.

The resulting contest was nothing short of tragic.

Paired up against Ramon Olivas — a man who we’re certain is currently tucked away in some hole in the wall cantina, shame-drinking himself into an early grave — Kahwagi came out like a man on fire, blistering his much younger opponent with a ferocious series of right hooks until Olivas laid slung over the ropes like Rampage Jackson circa 2004.

(*checks earpiece*)

I’m sorry, I’m being told that Kahwagi did no such thing, and in fact threw punches at a slower rate than a Libyan internet connection until Olivas just kind of took a knee. Even the announcers couldn’t help but pile in on the disgrace they were witnessing, noting “Nacho Beristain said Kahwagi is a fraud… he throws punches in slow motion” and “Let it be clear, this fight means nothing.” An admirable stance to take, but super unprofessional, you guys. Goldie and Rogan would have lauded Kahwagi for his ring control while informing us that we’re simply not fight-smart enough to understand the masterful display happening before us.

But alright, boxing, you win. MMA may be a three-ring circus of a sport, but it will never hold a candle to the absolute freakshow sh*t that I just witnessed. Not YAMMA, not Kimbo vs. Shammy, not Super Hluk. Not nothing. And for that, we thank you.

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