(What a range of honest facial expressions.)
When I first heard that Kimbo Slice would be helping with commentating duties at this weekend’s K-1 World Grand Prix, I immediately wondered where he would fall on the scale of fighters-turned-broadcasters. Obviously he’s not going to be a Randy Couture or Kenny Florian. Anyone who saw his dour appearance on Jimmy Kimmel knows that. But could he maybe be as inept, yet hilarious as the “Rampage” Jackson/Don Frye duo was?
Then I read the official press release and realized one of his broadcast partners will be Michael “The Voice” Schiavello. Suddenly, it seems like Kimbo is going to be far from the worst sportscaster at the table on Saturday night. If you don’t know, Schiavello’s an Australian commentator who’s done K-1, Dream, even the Beijing Olympics, and has never shied away from an unfunny quip in any of those jobs. Check out some of his favorite lines. As in, his favorite lines that he said, which he was kind enough to compile for us on his official website:
"There are two things I know for sure: Britney Spears will never win Mother of The Year and Albert Kraus didn’t win that fight!"
"Two things I know for sure: we will never beat Amy Winehouse in a drinking contest, and Texeira definitely won that fight."
"He’s been on his back more than my ex-girlfriend."
"He wears more hair product than Bon Jovi."
"He’s proving harder to catch than Osama Bin Laden!"
"Those punches have less weight behind them than Kate Moss."
"If punches were people, he’d be China!"
"Open the fridge, he`s out cold!"
"He’s been scored on more times than my ex-girlfriend."
"He’s been mounted more times than Jenna Jameson!"
"He’s been mounted more times than a taxidermist."
Please note, these are his favorites, the ones he’s most proud of. Clearly Schiavello is a fan of the obvious, and sometimes outdated, pop culture reference. He also isn’t entirely sure what a taxidermist does, but he knows it somehow involves mounting.
The point here is, with this guy on the mic next to him, nothing Kimbo says is going to sound too dumb. You could even say that Schiavello makes Mike Goldberg look like Howard Cosell! What? No good?
Okay, let me try another one: Schiavello uses more unfunny clichéd analogies than… Damn. This is harder than it looks. Touché, Schiavello.