(What a range of honest facial expressions.)
When I first heard that Kimbo Slice would be helping with commentating duties at this weekend’s K-1 World Grand Prix, I immediately wondered where he would fall on the scale of fighters-turned-broadcasters. Obviously he’s not going to be a Randy Couture or Kenny Florian. Anyone who saw his dour appearance on Jimmy Kimmel knows that. But could he maybe be as inept, yet hilarious as the “Rampage” Jackson/Don Frye duo was?
Then I read the official press release and realized one of his broadcast partners will be Michael “The Voice” Schiavello. Suddenly, it seems like Kimbo is going to be far from the worst sportscaster at the table on Saturday night. If you don’t know, Schiavello’s an Australian commentator who’s done K-1, Dream, even the Beijing Olympics, and has never shied away from an unfunny quip in any of those jobs. Check out some of his favorite lines. As in, his favorite lines that he said, which he was kind enough to compile for us on his official website:
"There are two things I know for sure: Britney Spears will never win Mother of The Year and Albert Kraus didn’t win that fight!"
"Two things I know for sure: we will never beat Amy Winehouse in a drinking contest, and Texeira definitely won that fight."
"He’s been on his back more than my ex-girlfriend."
"He wears more hair product than Bon Jovi."
"He’s proving harder to catch than Osama Bin Laden!"
"Those punches have less weight behind them than Kate Moss."
"If punches were people, he’d be China!"
"Open the fridge, he`s out cold!"
"He’s been scored on more times than my ex-girlfriend."
"He’s been mounted more times than Jenna Jameson!"
"He’s been mounted more times than a taxidermist."
Please note, these are his favorites, the ones he’s most proud of. Clearly Schiavello is a fan of the obvious, and sometimes outdated, pop culture reference. He also isn’t entirely sure what a taxidermist does, but he knows it somehow involves mounting.
The point here is, with this guy on the mic next to him, nothing Kimbo says is going to sound too dumb. You could even say that Schiavello makes Mike Goldberg look like Howard Cosell! What? No good?
Okay, let me try another one: Schiavello uses more unfunny clichéd analogies than… Damn. This is harder than it looks. Touché, Schiavello.
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Comments
Fri, 12/05/08 - 12:05
Seriously? How can you call this guy a bad commentator? "If punches were people he'd be china" Thats friggen classic. Theres nothing funnier then somebody making a tastless joke/analogy and not knowing there being tastless. Him being so terrible at his job is what makes him so good, I just hope he makes some sort of inapropriate reference to black men having so many childrren by different mothers then he can't figure out why Kimbo knocks him out of his chair.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 12:14
Fedor by armbar, every fight.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 12:29
Just looking at the picture makes me wonder why Fedor was not cast in the new Terminator movie.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 12:40
Which one is the colored commentator?
Fri, 12/05/08 - 12:43
if good articles were like people cagepotato would be like that part of the world with ice and very few people HAHAHAha hah haha ahh hmmmm... jaykay that sounds like the worst commentating duo of all time... is that what theyre aiming for?
Fri, 12/05/08 - 12:46
^--- shit, i realized you actually did say colored. So, good stuff. i'm a dumbass.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 12:51
TB Says: Fri, 12/05/2008 - 12:40 "Which one is the colored commentator?" Obviously Kimbo...
Fri, 12/05/08 - 12:52
after years of training under the grandmaster of retarded metaphors, Mauro Ranallo, I'm glad schiavello decided its his time to shine.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 01:11
@ Sodak AUGH! Did you have to bring up Mauro? That guys a jackass. I miss Stephen Quadros. Here's Stephen playing his drums! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-XHo4QMrYQ&eurl=http://www.stephenquadros.com/blog/&feature=player_embedded
Fri, 12/05/08 - 01:13
Hey Schiavello, How about announcing that Jenna Jameson can take a better shot to the face than the man beside you when introducing Kimbo as the guest commentator?
Fri, 12/05/08 - 01:13
I'm just waiting to hear kimbo say "put some newspaper on him he is asleep"
Fri, 12/05/08 - 01:20
Anyone else think the picture looks a bit odd? You can see pixelation on the left side of Fedor's face and his shadow to the left of his head doesn't really make sense. Not sure why this would have been photoshopped (or that it was), but it just doesn't look right.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 01:20
Why are you picking on "The Voice" and his catch phrases? Don't you know he is on a meteoric rise right now?!
Fri, 12/05/08 - 01:50
KEG...if you think that's a good line you should watch City Slickers...which is where he stole it from.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 02:03
I've always wondered why they call it a meteoric rise when meteors only fall
Fri, 12/05/08 - 03:52
4 Shairlok Haulmes: http://cdn.cagepotato.com/www/sites/default/files/Schiavello%20and%20Fedor.jpg
Fri, 12/05/08 - 04:20
this just goes to show that cage potato is retarded. shiv is a living legend and one of thebest commentators ever in combat sport. He has been doing this shit for years and i don't think there are many people as qualified as him to be commentating the K-1.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 04:43
Schiavello is a legend why pay out on a guy who has commentated K-1 for yearz and The Contender and dream and the Olympic Games, not Rogan or Quadros or Ranallo or anyone else can compare to that. i love his fresh approach and hiz humor plus his fight knowledge is exceptional.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 04:54
i personally dont like shiavello commentary and usually watch the shows with the volume turned off now that kimbo will be part of it , its even more reason to turn the volume off dont get me wrong , shiavello has a wealth of knowledge, just dont like his commentary style
Fri, 12/05/08 - 05:20
I am a huge fan of The Voice. Nobody in the world does it better and nobody knows K-1 better. Can't wait to hear him on the commentary tonight.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 05:27
The man deserves a shirt!
Fri, 12/05/08 - 05:36
THE BIG KABOSH!!!!! Bring it on with Shiv and Hoost!!!!!!! cagemashedpotate has nothing betta to write about than bag a guy who has done so much for the sport. poor form cagemashedpotato. Looking forward to Shiv entertaining us in his usual fashion. GOODNIGHT IRENE!!!
Fri, 12/05/08 - 07:02
LMAO steve
Fri, 12/05/08 - 07:21
Wow, what's with this?! How can you rat on shiv's commentating! I love it! If anything, he makes some fights MORE interesting. Author of the article is...?
Fri, 12/05/08 - 07:58
I'm surprised that the "He's got more punch than a high school prom" line isn't one of his favorites... I've heard him say it at least 10 times in K-1
Fri, 12/05/08 - 08:03
To bag Mike Schiavello as a commentator is typical of you nasal, smart arsed, dumb yanks. Get a life and try to find a more knowledgeable, entertaining, commentator for K-1. We don't need Kimbo, whoever the f@*k he is. Mike your loyal fans back home willl be tuning in and loving it! The Big Scurreg!
Fri, 12/05/08 - 08:07
the last person to take a shot to the chin like that was my mother! bodabing!
Fri, 12/05/08 - 08:37
Don't forget, "His leg kicks are nastier than a pig having sex with an elephant" ...not joking.
Fri, 12/05/08 - 10:25
Kimbo is a joke we all know this but how is he still making money off this sport ?
Fri, 12/05/08 - 10:29
There are two things i know for sure: Tito got the herp from jenna and he won that fight!
Sat, 12/06/08 - 12:53
Shiv is a living legend, having a go at him is just making you look kind of sad, it is rather futile. I think in about 3 months you will regret this.
Sat, 12/06/08 - 01:16
What the hell??? I'm watching the k1 and this guys' methaphors are truly irrelevant "more combos than a chinese restaurant" what type of ish is that? Makes mike goldberg's methaphors sound sound less like a douche... at least the potato gave a fair warning. Good looking out potato!
Sat, 12/06/08 - 03:27
Schiavello is the man! Plus, all those comments about his ex-girlfriend are true...
Sat, 12/06/08 - 05:01
schiavello is a dickhead. i was watching an Aussie kickboxing show once with my mate and one of the fighters was eating a whole barrage of punches, then this from Schiavello: "OHHHHHH! HE'S WEARING MORE LEATHER THAN FONZIE!" They guy is a dead-set idiot. Irritating as hell, i'd rather listen to Woody Allen call a fight than this wanker.
Sat, 12/06/08 - 08:29
I can't bear to listen. he is a sexist, arrogant, unfunny pig whose lines dont even call the shots accurately. its even worse when he and and his co-commentator go off on tangents about themselves and distract the audience from the fight on the screen. Embarrassing to Australia. And his ex-girlfriend lines are so ridiculous - you go Shiv tell the world about your sex life because its quite clear that all you could get are prostitutes.
Sat, 12/06/08 - 09:52
"Imbecile Says: Fri, 12/05/2008 - 13:20 Why are you picking on "The Voice" and his catch phrases? Don't you know he is on a meteoric rise right now?!" Or, dare I say, a metaphoric rise? eh, eh? Fuck you.
Sat, 12/06/08 - 09:54
hmm the reply button is broken, and allowed me to go back in time when commenting. Wonderful. You know I was really just joking before with the fuck you, but seriously cagepotato, fuck you. That recent update blows more than "the voice".
Sat, 12/06/08 - 09:55
Or, dare I say, a metaphoric rise? eh, eh? Fuck you.
Sun, 12/07/08 - 06:08
im aussie and i cant fucking stand shiavello commentating its so fucking annoying with all the crap he says and goes on about ffs , its a fight , just call the fight without all the other crap and the way he yells and screams when the action heats up with his nasal high pitch voice , fuck me , worse than darrel eastlakes
Mon, 12/08/08 - 12:51
Whoa; the Shiavello nuthuggers come flying out of the woodwork!?!
Tue, 12/09/08 - 04:26
This guy is a fucking retard, he almost ruined the Contender Asia finale with his inane commentary and grating voice
Thu, 12/11/08 - 06:08
just watched a tape of the show , fuck me !!! really wish shiavello would shut the fuck up and just call the fight wtf is with kimbo being there ? absolutely nothing to do with K-1 , isnt a great fighter and the dumb fuck called japan a city was totally fucking ridiculus listen to these fuckwits go on and on and not concentrating on the fights THANK FUCKING GOD FOR VOLUME CONTROL just annoying that the volume had to be down because of this , couldnt hear the crowd etc
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