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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

(Mis)Adventures in Vegas: The After-Party


(After the show it’s the after-party.)

Thanks to the good people at RawVegas.tv, I got to attend Clay Guida’s after-party at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone on Saturday night (too bad for them they ended up on a wild Penn chase along with the throng of Hawaiian fans at Studio 54).  But not only did they hook me up with free entrance to the party, once I showed up I had my own private table and bottle service.

This was weird for two reasons: 1) I’m not exactly a club kind of guy.  I’m more the dark, dingy bar where the patrons barely look up from the racing form to watch someone get thrown out kind of guy.  And 2) I have no idea how to respond to that kind of VIP treatment.  When people are nice to me, I assume that they either want something or have mistaken me for someone else.  But there I was at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone, hanging with Clay Guida and his people while a waitress in a bikini was asking me what kind of bottle I wanted.

Naturally, I said “Jameson’s.”  When she asked me what kind of mixer I wanted, I said “ice.”  She looked at me as if I’d misunderstood the question.  



The night before I’d attended Tracy Lee’s birthday party in a private suite at Planet Hollywood.  I looked around the room at some point and realized the party consisted of: fighters, fighter agents, beautiful women (some of whom were “adult film actresses,” as one man put it), rich guys who owned various businesses, and me, an MMA writer who was wearing a shirt his mother gave him for Christmas.  If you ever need to be reminded how uncool you are, I recommend this experience.

Earlier that same night I talked to an MMA agent (who shall remain nameless) and he asked me whether I really wrote for Cage Potato.  When I admitted that I did, he said, "You fucking smartass."

He had a valid point.

But on Saturday night after the press conference I posted my stories, looked glumly at the judges’ scorecard (above) that cost me my big underdog bet on Dong Hyun Kim, and then headed over to HZT for Guida’s soiree.  

The problem that immediately confronted me when I saw the private table was, I was there alone.  I came to Vegas just to cover the fights.  I didn’t have any friends there.  It was just me, the big empty table, and a bottle of whiskey.  Trouble was a-brewing.  So I did what any reasonable man would.  I made friends.

Among the things we discussed: what the UFC is (“that cagefighting stuff”), who Clay Guida is (the guy over there who looks sort of like a caveman, and they knew exactly who I meant), how my wife feels about me being alone at a party in the Hawaiian Tropic Zone (not so thrilled), and whether the message behind that Beyonce song is truly that if you don’t give your girlfriend a ring she’ll go sleep with some other guy ("pretty much").

After I talked some with Guida and congratulated him on his win, it occurred to me what a different party this would be had the close decision gone the other way.  Fighters arrange these things in advance and are obligated to show up in order to get their appearance fee.  When they don’t — as Penn didn’t, for reasons that are fairly understandable — they don’t get paid.

Guida never seemed to think the outcome of his fight was in any doubt.  He gave Nate Diaz credit for being a tough guy, but had no doubt he deserved the win.  He even mentioned how "respectful" both Nate and his brother were after the fight.  I wonder if he was as surprised to say that as I was to hear it.

When I asked him what was next he just shrugged.  A good time, from the looks of things.  Might as well leave the man alone and let him enjoy it.

(BF)

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Anonymous- February 3, 2009 at 3:50 pm
jameson... good man
Anonymous- February 3, 2009 at 12:14 pm
"fedor a million ankles"

Pound-for-pound, one of the best User Names on Chge Potato!

Thanks for compliments.
Jesus frijoles- February 3, 2009 at 9:02 am
I get that same reaction when I ask for Wild Turkey. Mixer! Mixer? that's alcohol abuse you numb cunt. Hey, did you take that picture of the girls and then send it to your wife? "Having a good time Honey!" Now that would show some heuvos.
Patrikh- February 3, 2009 at 8:32 am
Awsome:D //fan from sweden.
mayhem420- February 3, 2009 at 7:41 am
Whiskybiatch: Then you should try Glenlivet... nice smooth, easy to drink.
Aaron- February 3, 2009 at 7:17 am
Nicely done Ben. I'm happy to hear your collar didn't instantly pop as you sat down with your bottle service. Jameson and ice was a statement indeed.
CanProduce- February 3, 2009 at 6:59 am
Great read...CP
It's nice to see some honest opinions and coverage contrary to the hollywoodish path that professional MMA is falling into. I give you credit or not letting this all go to your head. The lads at Sherdog should be so humble...
rh- February 3, 2009 at 6:29 am
tullamore dew > jameson

Guida is the most horrible fighter to watch that I've ever seen. I'm glad you had fun, you're a better person than I am for going to his party and not calling him out for sucking at everything other than hustle.

rh
Whiskybiatch- February 3, 2009 at 6:21 am
Talisker 20 or 32, better than woodford reserve.

Smokier.
mayhem420- February 3, 2009 at 6:18 am
Woodford Reserve... look it up.
Jeffro- February 3, 2009 at 6:03 am
Who needs ice for their Jameson? You need some hair on yer chest, Son.
Whiskybiatch- February 3, 2009 at 5:40 am
Jamesons?

You have no style sir.

Talisker is far more civilised....
C-Bus Allstar- February 3, 2009 at 5:35 am
Oops, I meant, the one on the furthest left is all "Ooooh boy I'd fuck the hell outta this white boy.."
C-Bus Allstar- February 3, 2009 at 5:34 am
Is it just me or can you totally read the attitudes on all 3 of those black women? The one farthest right is like "Ooooh boy I'd fuck the hell outta this white boy.." the middle one is all "I dunno, I could probably see myself fuckin this white boy.." and then the one on the right is all "I cannot believe these bitches are actually thinking about fuckin this white boy.." Hilarity.
Dakyn- February 3, 2009 at 3:19 am
Wow upon realising you were alone and drinking Whiskey straight you managed to hook up with 3 of the ugliest women around.

That sounds like a normal Saturday night for me.
Da Truth- February 3, 2009 at 2:27 am
Wow what a hilarious and exciting story..... NOT!
irish....just irish- February 3, 2009 at 2:26 am
simply not as humorous as advertised...
Aussiejosh- February 3, 2009 at 1:27 am
Should have gone a good single malt scotish Whiskey.
Maod- February 3, 2009 at 1:03 am
Why would you even ask a guy if he wants a mixer with his Jameson?
Creepy J- February 3, 2009 at 12:16 am
me "Mr. Guida your the Coolest"

Clay "No Creepy J you are by far more cool and more handsome. Here is my fight of the night bonus in a brown bag with a money sign on it you've been so awesome at my party and not at all jealous of me so you've earned it"

me "Thank you Mr. Guida"

Clay "No thank you Creepy J, your the best"

An example of one of the many imaginary conversations I just had while reading your article.
Anonymous- February 3, 2009 at 12:11 am
missing the point...BJ is a heartless douche bag
Delareese- February 2, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Yeah I don't see that pic either.

Great drink.
Poo Flinger- February 2, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Am I missing something, or did the burgundy strip-club-carpet sweater pic get removed?
Mike`- February 2, 2009 at 9:30 pm
clay guida might be a nice guy, but that fight was bullshit. does he even care about being exciting anymore? the most exciting thing he did for the entire fight was weigh in. nate diaz should have asked him for his number in there, guida was grinding on him so hard. is that entertaining? fuck no, not for me at least. the caveman just avoids the real fucking fight the whole time. douchenozzle.
LAS- February 2, 2009 at 8:36 pm
If you didn't have a picture of the Jameson, I bet everyone would have thought you were lying and order Malibu and Diet Coke.
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