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MMA Black Friday: 7 Things That Money Can’t Buy

(A PSP, a Marmaduke book, and fistful of dollars… Man, this cat really knows how to get down!)

By Jason Moles

While our Carlos Condit’s Wife Seager Is Rather Attractive [PHOTOS]” href=””>wives and girlfriends are busy maxing out our credit cards in hopes of finding the perfect gift for everyone she knows, we should be reminded that money can’t buy everything — especially in the world of mixed martial arts. Follow us after the jump to discover the irony of the MMA Black Friday. I promise it will be better than the turkey sandwich and leftover pumpkin pie you’ll have for lunch.

1.) Resurrection

In June, Cheick Kongo did what no man has done since the Messiah some 2,000+ years ago — he defeated death. Alright, so maybe I’ve had a few too many turkey day cocktails and that’s not exactly how it went down, but you get the jist. Kongo was knocked unconscious not once but twice in his fight against fellow heavyweight Pat Barry and he still managed to win the fight! By KO nonetheless. No amount of Earthly money could ever buy a second (or third) chance to live again. If it were that easy, Steve Jobs would’ve made certain you increase your credit limit.

2.) The Joy Experienced Watching Anderson Silva in 2011

From revolutionizing the MMA landscape with a kick the way the Miami Dolphins did with a Wildcat Offense a few years ago to several strangely fascinating videos, Anderson Silva has provided more entertainment than a Chael Sonnen Says F*ck Canada or at Least This Reporter Who Lives There” href=”” target=”_blank”>Chael Sonnen interview. These are memories that will last a lifetime, or three if you’re Cheick Kongo.

3.) A Clue

Man what I wouldn’t give to slap that stupid look off his face. This guy is more confused than a homeless man on house arrest. If money could by a clue, we’d have to take up another donation. It’s probably best we don’t, though – your better half has been gone quite awhile now.

4.) The Fight You Most Want To See

Fans want Dana White to make two fights happen pronto: Jon Jones vs. Rashad Evans and Chael Sonnen vs. Anderson Silva. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. It’s no wonder why there’s so much clamoring to see these fighters settle their differences in the Octagon. Take Sonnen for instance, he talked his way into our hearts, gave the pound-for-pound king the beating of his life in route to getting subbed in the final round, and has ceased his verbal attack on “The Spider” going as far as to challenge him to a ‘Loser Leaves Town’ match. There is honest hatred in the Oregonian’s heart that we must see unleashed again — if only to find out how big a role Silva’s injured ribs played.

As for ‘Suga’ and ‘Bones’, the future PPV tagline says it all: Good Friends, Better Enemies. Their genuine dislike for one another only adds fuel to the fire. We all know the story of training partners so close one would fake a hand injury to avoid fighting the other to a young pup stealing all the spotlight while running his mouth about what when on during a sparring session at Jackson’s. Did I mention they had and nearly threw down at a nightclub?

5.) A Title Shot

Jon Fitch has not lost a fight since Georges St. Pierre defeated him for the UFC welterweight championship back in 2008. In that time, Kenny Florian and Lyoto Machida have been given several opportunities to fight for gold. So why not Fitch? Is he too boring? Is it because he doesn’t have a fancy TV show on ESPN or drink his own pee? Yeah, we’re not sure either. Since money is useless when attempting to get a title shot, we came up with a few ways Fitch might get another crack anyway.

6.) Forgiveness

You can’t think about Paul Daley sucker punching Josh Koscheck and subsequently being fired without hearing Don Henley’s ‘The Heart of the Matter‘ in your head. This is the classic ‘from the penthouse to the outhouse’ scenario; He went from fighting in the UFC in May 2010 to fighting in Impact FC two months later. Despite his apology to Kos, the crestfallen Daley remained focused on working his way back in Dana’s good graces fighting five times this year. Zuffa owned Strikeforce appears to have let “Semtex” wander off on his own after dropping two straight. Tack on his history of missing weight and you’ll see that this is one ‘F’ word you won’t here White say.

7.) The Keys to New York

If money could by Zuffa keys to the state of New York, they would have filled MSG twice already. Remember, they even tried to buy their way in as recent as this past summer. Remember folks, money — it isn’t everything.

Cagepotato Comments

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pinkyslayer- November 26, 2011 at 8:49 pm
wow. i always thought the guys complaining about articles on here were just being whiny bitches, but this is the most pointless, poorly written, terribly edited and formatted excuse for an article i have ever seen. and how can you say money cany buy you enjoying Silvas fights? are you familiar with the concept of PAY PER VIEW? Maybe i'm just confused because the page was full of urls scattered throughout the entire fucking thing. Seriously, we understand that your homeschooling is probably responsible for your terrible writing, your incoherence, and your shitty grammar, but you can't even be bothered to double check to see if your links are imbedded correctly? whoever this writer is is about as professional as the Pudzianowski-Thompson II fight.
chzhww- November 26, 2011 at 11:03 am
Top boxing films in
Payday- November 26, 2011 at 10:18 am
Can someone post what #6 and #7 say? Every time I try to read the list in order I fall asleep at #5...
Seraldo Babalu- November 26, 2011 at 6:21 am
moriparty has it right CP. #3 and #7, how do you mess up the word "buy" with "by" and expect people to take you serious? turrrrible
JPfighter-DAMMA- November 25, 2011 at 2:35 pm
WTF is it with gangsta types flashing money?
Moriparty- November 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Your grammatical errors are embarrassing; it makes it hard to take any of you seriously ... Maybe you should "by a clue" because "you won't here White say" anything about freeing CagePotato if you don't figure it out.
Irishwolfhound491- November 25, 2011 at 11:53 am
Crestfallen Daley? "[The punch ] is a bit hard to comment on... but I would have thought I could have thrown a better punch and knock him out, given that Koscheck wasn't expecting it!" quipped Daley.

Yeah he seems pretty torn up about it.
newly sober- November 25, 2011 at 9:10 am
While looking at that Kimbo slice pic I noticed two things right away. First, there is a high times magazine on the table and second is that it is actually three people holding money.
Kimbo had like 800 bucks and the dude in red can't seem to figure out how the mysterious white boy with the deep stacks got so much more money that him.
Rocky Blunt- November 25, 2011 at 7:51 am
chael sonnen for president!
ThePeoplesTroll- November 25, 2011 at 7:30 am
well I hope Quinton can beat Bader in Japan or he's finished!