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MMA in the Wild: Brutal Suburban Kangaroo Fight Goes the Distance

I like to think that these two kangaroos are actually neighbors who started fighting because one of them insists on mowing his lawn at 5:30 a.m. Maybe one of them is the same kangaroo who won that last kangaroo fight by rear-naked choke, and he’s tried his best to give up the street life and live as a normal taxpayer in the suburbs, but he still reverts into gangster mode whenever he’s insulted. Maybe last week, his neighbor commented on what a nice pouch his wife has, and was super gross about it. (“You think she has room for me in that pouch?”) And then this morning, the dude started mowing his lawn before the sun was up again, and it’s like, “HEY ASSHOLE, DO YOU REALIZE THAT I MANAGE A BAR, AND I DON’T EVEN GET HOME UNTIL AFTER 2 A.M.?” And then they started fighting. Five years ago, bar-manager kangaroo would have destroyed this guy. But now he’s got the thing with his knees and he hasn’t been in the gym. Getting old sucks.

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