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MMA in the Wild Pt. 2: Off-Duty Ninja Gives Pair of Brothers Fair Warning Before Unleashing Hell

InĀ our first installment of MMA in the Wild, we observed the fighting patterns of the HillBillyetica DipShiticus, a creature that used Facebook chicanery and a surprisingly diverse striking attack to display his dominance as alpha male of the porch-dwelling, slack-jawed humanoid tribe. In today’s installment, we will witness a beast of an entirely different nature (puns!), known henceforth as the Ninjitsu Ballisticus. Combining the hidden rage of the World of Warcraft freak out kid with the technical striking abilities of a young Cung Le, Ballisticus does not head into the wild seeking a fight, and will only resort to such primitive methods of solving a dispute when his back is against a wall.

But when his back is against the wall, prepare for hell, because he will hit you with such force that both a visible dust cloud will appear on impact and THE GUILE THEME SONG WILL BE EXPELLED FROM THE HEAVENS.

And just as quickly as he thrashes you to and fro like some kind of child’s play thing, he will declare that “He didn’t come to the river for this shit!” before vanishing back into the trees. The Ninjitsu Ballisticus, ladies and gentlemen.

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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SpiderLee- November 29, 2012 at 9:52 am
trained and untrained, u really jus dont know who yr fucking with out here so if u start something u better be ready! I train also and if so average joes tried me the same thing would happen jus bein real.
GistoftheFist- November 28, 2012 at 8:58 am
This fight is hella old. (at least by my standard) Since I have two big compilations of street fights on Youtube, i'll submit an entry here. I nominate this video to be MMA in the Wild Part 3: This one actually has MMA in it, rather than just a street fight like part 2.
masterbaitntackle- November 28, 2012 at 6:35 am
@Darkside: Bud Bundy is the greatest rapper ever! That " I told you" video he had out was a visual masterpiece.....and on an unrelated note, I just discovered how to use sarcasm....hopefully I used it properly
Darkside- November 28, 2012 at 12:30 am
It's a lonely life for Grandmaster B, yes, a lonely life for Grandmaster B...
Darkside- November 28, 2012 at 12:26 am
@ 12 oz
Umm...I'm pretty sure it's Bed Wetter B. Thank god someone got that. I was starting to feel old for a second, lol
The12ozCurls- November 27, 2012 at 9:28 pm
@Darkside - His name is GrandMaster B
Darkside- November 27, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Side note, Bud Bundy is fucking badass!
Darkside- November 27, 2012 at 7:20 pm
This has been an absolutely crappy day. I get home from work, hating life, and I see this shit...

..Thanks, cagepotato!
Anhonestmoose- November 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm
Cool video, epic write-up. Nice work Danga.
Dubbayoo- November 27, 2012 at 11:10 am
Okay. I'm going to try to not wonder why the World of Warcraft Freakout Kid shoved the remote up his ass...OVER his underwear? It's only 2pm here, and I'm awake, but I'm already having nightmares.
WarpedAcorn- November 27, 2012 at 11:26 am
Because that video was staged and intended to be outlandish and ridiculous.
WarpedAcorn- November 27, 2012 at 10:15 am
When you see a YouTube video on a website, you can click on the "YouTube" icon to open it in a new window via YouTube.

Also, I have the Guile theme stuck in my head.
Mike_Goldberg- November 27, 2012 at 9:45 am
Thanks 12oz
The12ozCurls- November 27, 2012 at 9:42 am

search - "Guile Theme Goes with Everything - Chase Defends Himself at River"

or click this link:
HEY- November 27, 2012 at 9:40 am
Someday I will hit someone so hard that it will queue music upon impact.
BaghdadBob- November 27, 2012 at 9:25 am
Dance or fight, but don't try to do one immediately before the other.
Mike_Goldberg- November 27, 2012 at 9:24 am
Can someone do me a solid and tell me the title of the video so Ican search it on youtube.. won't work from my phone for some reason
The12ozCurls- November 27, 2012 at 8:13 am
Steve Irwin is spinning in his grave right now because I am absolutely sure that he would want to wrangle Ninjitsu Ballisticus and poke at it with a stick before declaring it a "Glorious Creature."
Fried Taco- November 27, 2012 at 8:04 am
This is the first ever video of this creature! An amazing find!!
enrikk- November 27, 2012 at 10:49 pm
If only Steve Irwin were still around to get stung by it...

What? Too soon?