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MMA Sponsor of the Day: The Fleshlight

Fleshlight MMA Ricco Rodriguez King of Kombat
(Image courtesy of fleshlightfights.com)

If you spend as much time on the Internet as we do, you’ve probably come across the Fleshlight, a flashlight-shaped masturbatory device with a vagina-like opening at one end. It’s the kind of thing that lonely men might use when normal jerking-off loses it’s sense of mystery and romance. (See also: The Japanese Love Egg).

Aaaaaanyway, the self-proclaimed "#1 Selling Male Sex Toy in the World" is getting into the MMA game now, launching a site called fleshlightfights.com. If you go there, you’ll see that they’re sponsoring King of Kombat 7: Judgement Day, a 10-fight card featuring Ricco Rodriguez, Nick Gonzalez, and Cedric Marks. For $9.99, you can buy an interactive stream of the event on September 29th, that allows you to switch between five different camera angles. And if you order before the 22nd, you’ll receive $10 in "Fleshbucks," which I guess can be redeemed towards a new Fleshlight, should you burn through your first one. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, eh? You’re goddamned right it does. There’s just one problem…


King of Kombat 7 already happened last weekend. Seriously. Rodriguez beat Justin Howard, Gonzalez beat Dustin Neace, Marks lost to Eric DaVila, etc. So to review, Fleshlight is selling an online stream of a random-ass regional card for ten bucks, to be broadcast a full month after it took place. The fact that this event already went down is mentioned nowhere on the site. Though in Fleshlight Fights’ defense, they are promising "Lube Wrestling, presented live during intermission."

My first reaction is to say "caveat emptor," but I can’t imagine anybody paying $9.99 to watch this show on their computer even if it actually was live, other than die-hard Fleshlight users who are just purchasing the event for the Fleshbucks. (Do the math, kiddies. Buying the event nets you a Fleshbuck profit of $0.01. You can’t afford not to buy it.) And here’s the ugliest part of this whole situation: Fleshlight actually made King of Kombat lightweight champ Nick Gonzalez film a promo for their grody product, in which he says that Fleshlight eliminates the hassle of getting to know women. "I just take care of myself and…see ya later, ladies." Wow, Nick, CAN I ROLL WITH YOU? Proof of Nick’s eternal humiliation is below. Do with it what you will.

Cagepotato Comments

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KillDozer- September 4, 2009 at 8:32 am
every single one of your comments on CP was extremely homosexual and everyone knows that you love the cock. I'm just stating the obvious.
831 Son- September 3, 2009 at 9:41 pm
You are the one bringing up gay scenarios loser. Think before you type retard, you just sound like an idiot.
KillDozer- September 3, 2009 at 9:36 pm
@Smitty
yeh, something like that.

And 831 Son, if you are looking for a gay match-making website, you are in the wrong place. Go look for your love partner somewhere else if HAL doesnt satisfy you no more.
831 Son- September 3, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Wow obviously we have queers on this site that like to make up homosexual fantasies about other people.. Kill yourself you worthless piece of shit.
Smitty- September 3, 2009 at 8:01 pm
@ KillDozer
You mean Fl"E"shlight.
Ed M- September 3, 2009 at 7:37 pm
The Japanese Love Egg!

Order now, and for the price of one, you'll get 11 more free! Shipped in a special unassuming styrophoam container.
KillDozer- September 3, 2009 at 6:37 pm
CAPSLOCKHAL told me he uses "flashlight" on his boyfriend 831 Son when he asks HAL what is it like to do it with a lady.
True story.
Bob Loblaw- September 3, 2009 at 5:03 pm
"...when normal jerking-off loses it's sense of mystery and romance."

Nut Puncher 9000 Says:
Thu, 09/03/2009 - 15:03

"Suicide fuel right there."

and everyone else

best comment section ever

some classic shit, guys.
EvilScott- September 3, 2009 at 5:00 pm
I was at these fights (had a couple of friends fighting, including Howard) and they were pretty good. Everyone was laughing about the Fleshlight stuff though.

What was kind of crappy is they told everyone (fighters, fans, etc) that they were going to give $5k from Fleshlight to the fighter(s) of the night. There were some real wars that night, everyone wanted that money.

However, they gave the $5k to Nick "No Ground Game" Gonzales who got beat up for half of a round on the mat before catching a lucky shot and having his opponent quit in-between rounds.

There were some awesome stoppages and 2 people were choked to sleep, but they just HAPPEN to give the money to Nick after a less-than-stellar outing? Hell, Ricco landed a head kick to finish Howard! And Nick who just HAPPENS to have filmed a promo for them gets the cash? WEAK!

Oh? And the icing on the cake? Nick missed weight. He weighed in once (overweight) then just said "I ain't cuttin' anymore".
Josh-O Slicenett- September 3, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Time to go check out the ol' wall street journal.
Cosmin- September 3, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I know- right?

Can you imagine if they were females? Gross.
Da Spied Her- September 3, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Wait-a-sec... nowhere does it say the sex of the lube wrestlers. I think I'm gonna pass on this one.
Clyde- September 3, 2009 at 3:41 pm
No chance of people checking for greasing in this event...
Barc- September 3, 2009 at 3:40 pm
J-dog
Either your penis is your friend and his wife is your hand, or your friend lied to you. It seems to me that it'd be more work to use the toy than to just lay there and take it.
From an advertising standpoint, you're gonna get your product out to alot of 18-30 something lonely dudes, though. Perfect. Can't fault them for good ides, just bad implementation of those ideas.
axhed- September 3, 2009 at 2:53 pm
if i order one, what are the chances it arrives before the lube wrestling starts?
831 Son- September 3, 2009 at 2:25 pm
What the fuck, are you serious rokabee? That's pretty funny.

rokabee- September 3, 2009 at 2:14 pm
my adult softball team was named the fleshlights, after 3 weeks they made us change the name to the flashlights.
agentsmith- September 3, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Sign up Aaron Brink for this event NOW.
cwr- September 3, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Haha BPD

Funny shit man. Comment of the week. Give this man an outdated shirt!
jimbonics- September 3, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Fucking Hilarious bpd.
google- September 3, 2009 at 1:01 pm
on edge,

As long as I have your mouth, no reason to invest in a fleshlight.
Jesus Frijoles- September 3, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir 3, brought to you by the good folks at Dildo Hut.
Check out the new products, The Cock Chestner, and the ever popular strap on.....The GROUND AND POUND.
UFCSelect.com- September 3, 2009 at 12:50 pm
"I just take care of myself and...see ya later, ladies."??! LOL
PauloThiagoSilva- September 3, 2009 at 12:47 pm
I will never read the phrase "interactive stream" the same way again.
Jesus Frijoles- September 3, 2009 at 12:46 pm
The fleshlight, when hammer punches just aint gettin it anymore.


christ somebody stop me, so many one liners so little time.
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