Steroids in MMA
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MMA Stock Market™ — ‘UFC on FOX’ Edition

By Jason Moles

As ESPN’s Bill Simmons tweeted, the UFC lost its network virginity to FOX and it was over in a matter of seconds – just like real life. Similarly, for most of you, there seemed to be that same awkward feeling afterwards where you’re not sure if should zip up and head home to catch Sports Center or if she expects you to spoon with her until the early morning light reveals what she looks like when you’re sober. Regardless of what decision is made you can be certain that from this moment forth, life will never be the same. Ever.

It’s done – over. You can’t change anything even if you wanted to, like what you screamed as the finish came about. This is probably in your best interest seeing as how you’ll need money if you want her to stay around, at least more money than you currently have. Women love when you shower them with tokens of your affection so you should really pay attention to this next part. So crack open that portfolio and let’s play another round of ‘Buy, Sell, Hold’ in the MMA Stock Market.

Junior dos Santos – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free.

“Cigano” defeated the previously unbeaten UFC heavyweight in one minute and four seconds to capture the belt – with a torn meniscus. With only sixty-four seconds to analyze, it is hard to point out anything we didn’t already know like getting hit by JDS may be hazardous to your health. Any way you want to slice it, it all turns out the same; dos Santos is here to stay.

Cain Velasquez – Buy

There will be more than a few rookie day traders dumping loads of “Brown Pride” after Cain’s performance Saturday night. Don’t get caught up in the heat of the moment, kid. Use rook’s weakness against him and buy all the ‘Shrexican‘ stock you can afford. Look, Velasquez didn’t go out and get man handled, out wrestled, or even out struck – he got caught. He will get another title shot, and judging from the competition, he’ll more than likely fight JDS again.

Clay Guida – Hold

One of the first rules they’ll teach you about investing is to keep emotions out of it. In other words, don’t buy Microsoft stock just because you have an Xbox 360 when you should be buying Lowe’s even if you couldn’t find a reciprocating saw to save your life. Pretty easy, right? As a fan of exciting fights, I can’t advise you to sell Guida’s stock even if he wears a crown that reads ‘Gatekeeper’. Although you shouldn’t sell, you shouldn’t spend any more money on him either. If you do, you run the risk of diminishing your ROI, which is the exact opposite you want. (Remember, your girlfriend expects a nice gift for Christmas) Hold the stock and let’s see if Clay Guide follows suit and cuts to the 145 lb. division like all the other fighters who couldn’t hack it at lightweight.

Benson Henderson - Buy

After his fight-of-the-night win over Clay Guida, Ben Henderson called out UFC lightweight champion Frankie Edgar. Well, sort of. While derailing Guida’s four-fight win streak, Bendo displayed the prowess and aggression that has me convinced he’s a destined to be crowned champion in Japan, should Edgar start out slow as he did in his memorable fights against Gray Maynard. A little money spent now will ensure you pay off the Christmas debt you incurred after visiting her parents. Wait, you didn’t honestly think you’d get out of that one, did you?

Cagepotato Comments

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XENOPHON- November 15, 2011 at 10:17 am
I think nickyroose summed it up best.
The comments jarred my memory lose, that not since Arlovski - has the UFC had a HW who could throw devastating punches, and have them keep crisp for the first 15 minutes.
If we agree there have been many one-win-wonders over the past years, the JDS is as legitimate as it gets.
ccman- November 15, 2011 at 7:22 am
So basically you did not want me to support my premise, or no matter what you plan on rejecting it? great conversation,wait no it is a waste of time. especially since i actually did back up my premise, and you just reject it with nothing but your opinion...pot calling something something there buddy.
And yes you can, except in HW division it is 4 out of 5 top guys with the new champ now injured also. Only Reem has been healthy and he hasn't been fighting in the UFC.
add in that since 08 there has been 8 hw title fights, and the number is only that high because it had 3 interim title fights, so it averages 1.25 actual title fights a year, what division you refer to exactly is that bad?
ArmFarmer- November 15, 2011 at 6:10 am
The fight went on for 1 minute, and Cain would have been winning on the scorecards most likely, so how can you sit there and act like he wasn't 100%? You are just guessing dude. Just wild speculation. Stop acting like you know everything. Also, you could rattle of a list of injuries, dropped fights, poor performances, surgeries and so on from any weight class at any time. It's just part of the sport, it happens to everyone.
J3t- November 14, 2011 at 11:15 pm
As far as the debate goes... Nobody here can say who is right or wrong really. So what I do want to know though is this: How many times does a fighter have to get hit in the head and dropped for him to be considered as someone with a weak chin? Do you want knock outs (more than JDS' of course, not trying it imply anything)?


I see it like this, Cain's chin got tested by JDS & Kongo and it failed. Kinda like Roy Nelson's chin was tested by JDS and it passed. Same principal
J3t- November 14, 2011 at 11:01 pm
@Handsofgun: okay so you disagree with me because you don't like me but you agree with the person that agreed with me stating that you're wrong. You're response to being shut down "I dominatedz u!! goz to de wwfz!!"

Just double checking. Didn't know if you're really that big of an idiot!!! ROFL. Please do reply again! :)
ccman- November 14, 2011 at 10:45 pm
@arm. Let's see, Brock returns from surgery and gets owned, dumps JDS fight for surgery. JDS beats a fat and slow Carwin in his place on short notice coming off an injury who promptly has back surgery, Cain comes back from surgery the heaviest he has ever fought mma, does a half hearted un-set up take down attempt and then boxes a boxer til he gets clipped. All while JDS admits he needed surgery. Your right, my premise that mma on big bodies might be to rough is crazy and the division rotates champs more based on health than skill is crazy. FYI I bet JDS, but admit he fought a 60% Cain.
HandsofGold- November 14, 2011 at 10:36 pm

He is one of those "Sideshow fans" who thinks because he watched Ultimate Warrior VS Hogan back in the day that he has some wisdom on the UFC or MMA for that matter. Everything he says makes no fuckin sense. What can you do but try to teach the kiddos on here
HandsofGold- November 14, 2011 at 10:33 pm

I have dominated you on everything you say clown. Go back to WWF.


I agree with you. You are right. But for someone like this dumbass above me to say he has a weak chin. Let anyone in the heavy weight division take one like that from Santos and see if they stay standing.
Todd M- November 14, 2011 at 7:27 pm
As far as the heavy weights go this is the most stacked time for them in history and may I mention Daniel Cormier as a future UFC contendor, people will be buzzing when he knocks out Baby Fat.
StinkFacer- November 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Does anybody, or has anybody, ever taken J3t seriously? Anyone care what he says?

Didnt think so.
Lex Talionis- November 14, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Since when does saying someone has a weak or strong chin apply only to their chin? When Brock sent Herring rolling backwards across the ring no one said "Damn, Herring's got a granite eye". So why is everyone splitting hairs over its meaning now? Is it just that hard to believe that Cain got knocked out? For the record I don't think he has a weak chin, I agree with most that that punch in that spot would have dropped anyone. But this argument over chin vs behind the ear is retarded.
AussieJosh- November 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Australia also got...

The Guida/Henderson fight followed by Dos Santos/Velasquez then the Demarcus Johnson fight afterwards.

Dos Santos/Velasquez was live. the other two fights where pulled from the facebook broadcast. In total it went for 1hr. Thank fuck we did not have to listen to some FOX knob talk shit for most of that time!

Why did you guys in the states get screwd over?
Iskander Neptu- November 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm
I want to see Bigfoot battle Overroid. Just 'cause I love cartoons.
Anhonestmoose- November 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm
No nerves, just muscles, primarily in the neck, affect a fighter's ability to take a punch.

I did not state that Cain has a glass jaw, nor am I jumping to any conclusions about JDS or Cain. It is nearly impossible to draw conclusions from such a short fight.

For the record, I agree about the HW division being fairly even, at least among the top 5-6 guys. I also think this HW division is the strongest we've ever had in MMA (I know, PRIDE, yadda yadda...that may be valid, but it's all opinion at this point).
ArmFarmer- November 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I'm pretty sure if you get hit on the chin, your jaw can pop back and pinch a nerve, which turns the lights off.

Regardless, I don't think that there's overwhelming evidence that Cain's chin is suspect. I don't think him dominating Kongo indicates a glass chin, and I don't think getting dropped by a hook that landed directly behind the ear while he was already off balance and leaning forward to begin with is either. When you factor in that he was fighting possibly the heaviest hitter and most dangerous striker in the sport to begin with, I don't see any reason to jump to conclusions. Had Junior cought him with a jab and knocked him out cold that would be one thing, but he didn't. He landed a haymaker to the worst possible spot on the head while cain was already leaned way forward, and then followed up with brutal ground and pound. Let's let him fight a couple more times before jumping to conclusions.
ArmFarmer- November 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm
meant reason, not reasy.. but anyway.. I'd love to here ccman, or anyone that agrees with him, take a stab at answering those questions. This should be funny. "Cain got knocked out, he had to have been injured or hurt.. cuz you know.. he lost... and stuff"
ArmFarmer- November 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

What, other than the fact that he lost, indicates to you that Cain was not ready or was not 100% for this fight?

What leads you to believe that the heavyweight division is more injury or illness prone than lighter weight classes?

Are you able to give any reasy why Josh Barnett should not be taken seriously as a HW contender?

What makes you think that couture, who has already been finished by the number 3 HW, and was just finished by a number 3ish lhw, could make an impact on the current hw division?

The HW division now has 5 legit contenders that are huge, highly skilled athletic freaks that couldn't be more evenly matched. On top of that, they are all incredibly marketable and exciting. How does this equate to a division that in your mind "plain sucks right now"?
Anhonestmoose- November 14, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Chin=shorthand for ability to take a punch to the head.
Glass jaw=shorthand for someone who gets knocked out easily, not someone whose jaw literally shatters like glass when hit.
A knockout is the result of a concussion, which has nothing to do with the chin. The most effective way to cause a concussion is to hit someone in the back of the head, not the chin.
Not trying to sound condescending or insult you, just thought I would weigh in on this issue.
fatbellyfrank- November 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Cuppla things, agree with armfarmer, just because the HW division doesnt have one guy smashing all comers doesn't mean its weak, I'd go the opposite and say a H/W division with a few different guys who can beat each other on any given day is a healthy situation.
ArmFarmer- November 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I'm pretty sure this sport is hard on all bodies dude. You have yet to provide anything but your own rediculous speculation. Back up your claims, or stfu. Nothing you have been saying makes sense, you are rambling incoherently.
Iskander Neptu- November 14, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Why is everyone counting old Cocksword out?
If he's healthy and grows a pair of balls he could out-wrestle both Overroid and JDS.
ccman- November 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Sorry you missed my point, I'm saying the sport might be to hard on big bodies. Thus far history supports me much more than disagrees. Saying there are more names does not make me wrong in comparison to the days of title exchange. Brock's illness is over explained, Carwin has fought once in how long? Cain was not ready to fight, and you need bungee correspond attached to JDS nuts to think otherwise. It is injury followed by forced early reentry, followed by a whole. New demographic getting all denialled up. Sorry if you panties are bunching but again, same as bones v rua, JDS didn't look as impressive as much as Cain looked like shit.
ArmFarmer- November 14, 2011 at 1:22 pm
j3t, it's not like your posts have been terribly intelligent... hello pot, I have someone for you to meet. I don't even know why I'm bothering, I feel like I'm in a room full of mentally disabled children arguing over the sum of 1+1.
J3t- November 14, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Lmao you're an idiot!! You clearly don't know what the hell you're talking about, if you don't know something as elementary as to what a fighter's chin is referring too then I think it's time for you to follow a new sport...maybe pillow fighting? Lolllll I love when people won't admit they've made a mistake and just keep sounding dumber...and dumber...and dumber. Please do respond and keep digging that hole for yourself! You've made my afternoon! =)
HandsofGold- November 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Are you still spitting your down syndrome? I still love the part about Cains chin. Since he never once got hit in the chin. And about Guida laying on Pettis how about Pettis learn how not to be taken down. Thats part of the game get used to it. If you don't want a man laying on you don't let him. If you ever want some advise on the fight game just ask me kiddo. You could learn a lot i mean a lot... Just don't talk ill donate to your down syndrome