By Jason Moles
When we next see Brock Lesnar, will it be in the Octagon or the squared circle? What did “Cowboy” Cerrone do with the beanie Nate Diaz handed him? Where in the world did this Jimy Hettes guy come from? None of these questions will be answered in this forum. Instead, you’ll learn which UFC 141 fighters’ stock to buy more of, sell off, or hold. Even if you’re still too hung over to remember what happened Friday night, you’ll still need to make a few fiscal moves to stay ahead of the curve. Remember, money never sleeps, kid. Now go make yourself a Bloody Mary then keep reading to kick off the New Year with sage advice about the MMA stock market.
Alistair Overeem – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free
It makes no difference whether you think “The Reem” is completely unstoppable or flat out overrated — when he fights, people watch. Casual fans will be enamored with Alistair Overeem because he looks good with his shirt off (at least that’s why I think Arianny make that face) and the hype that can be drummed up by Zuffa thanks to his Strikeforce, DREAM, and K1 titles. For the next few years, as long as he doesn’t piss hot for some tainted horsemeat, the “Demolition Man” will be a main event attraction that will only make him more valuable with time.
Brock Lesnar – Hold
Maybe it’s because of his pro wrestling background or because he wouldn’t be the first fighter to say one thing and do another, but I’m not sold that Brock Lesnar is retiring from competition. Some have suggested that once the larger-than-life beef jerky spokesman’s body and ego heal, he may decide otherwise and squeeze into his 4XL gloves one last time. Others, like UFC president Dana White, have pointed out that with the money he’s made over the years and what he has accomplished in such a short amount of time, Brock has nothing left to prove. Whatever side of the fence you sit on, don’t make any moves. If he comes back, you’ll be happy you didn’t bail, and if he shows up on RAW some Monday night in the not too distant future, I’m sure some booger-eating wrestling fan would be more than happy to take that stock off your hands.
Nate Diaz – Buy
What did I tell you? After dominating Donald Cerrone for three full rounds, people might start taking the Stockton native a bit more seriously. Nate Diaz played New York Giants to “Cowboy” Cerrone’s New England Patriots by spoiling a 5-0 run in 2011, and he enjoyed every minute of it. To borrow a line from his UFC 141 opponent, “The dude’s a warrior.” Look for Diaz to appear on a few broadcast TV events in 2012, as the UFC needs to showcase exciting fighters, which is the only kind Nate knows how to be. Winner of five FOTN and three SOTN bonuses, the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu brown belt is the type of guy who’s always in high demand, driving the price up. Get in now before he throws his beanie “in the mix” (or, you know, just hands it to someone after destroying them).
Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone – Buy
Since Donald Cerrone first stepped foot into the cage, only one guy has had his number, which is hardly a fault considering Ben Henderson is now heading to Japan where he’ll face UFC Lightweight champion Frankie Edgar. In 2011 alone, the Jackson’s MMA product fought four times more than GSP, winning all but one of his matches. So when he says he’s down to fight whenever, you know he honestly means it. You shouldn’t let a bad night in the Octagon shake your confidence in the future professional bull rider.
Jon Fitch – Zzzzzzzzz (Now he’s the one sleeping!)
It’s about time Jon Fitch was in an exciting match. According to the latest UFC Magazine, Fitch has landed 1,973 strikes in UFC competition — more than anyone in the promotion’s history. After his fight Saturday night in Vegas, he’s still landed 1,973 punches. Pay no attention to those who tell you, “He got caught, that’s all.” A loss is a loss here. He’ll never be a UFC champion, although he’s a superb talent. He won’t fight his teammates nor will he and Dana White ever go catch a movie together. Dump everything you have.
Johny Hendricks – Buy
With an impressive 12-1 record, Hendricks is headed in the right direction at the right pace. Buy a few hundred shares of Hendricks Fight Sports at a modest price and watch for the dividends to mount. KO’ing John Fitch is a win he can hang his hat on, something that adds a welcome pop to his highlight reel for PPV trailers. 2012 will bring a wild range of match ups in the Welterweight division with GSP nursing his wounds. It’s not incredibly out of the realm of possibility for the two-time NCAA National champion to get a title shot.
Vladimir Matyushenko – Sell it like a dog with fleas
Some things get better with age: denim, fine wine, Halle Berry. Some things however do not — and “The Janitor” is one of them.
Jimy Hettes – Buy, Buy, Buy
The most notable thing about “The Kid” is that he looks a helluva lot like that guy from ‘The Social Network’. The second thing that stands out about Jimy Hettes he possesses superior judo skills for a brown belt. Rogan commented that he is probably “sandbagging at purple belt” referring to his BJJ. Holding a perfect 10-0 record, Hettes completely annihilated Nam Phan, bashing him time and again on the ground. This may be your first chance to truly buy into a commodity while the groundwork is still being laid. UFC Champion, 2012?
Nam Phan – Dump it like your autographed picture of Carrot Top
Sorry, I guess an Asian brother can’t get no love, Nam. You may have beat Leonard Garcia twice, but you fail to execute a logical gameplan against almost everyone and just can’t seem how to get a win against an opponent worthy of mentioning. It was fun while it lasted, but we can’t keep our money tied up in your services any longer.