(Train hard and be ready, because you never know when you might have to choke out a dragon.)
A while back Cage Potato reader Eric Stone sent us an email to alert us to a Fedor Emelianenko t-shirt that was so crazy and so unbelievably cool, we at first assumed that we were the victims of an elaborate ruse. It just didn’t seem possible that this t-shirt, ostensibly promoting Fedor’s training camp in Stary Oskol, Russia, was a real thing in the world. I mean, just look at it. It features a drawing of someone (we think it’s supposed to be Fedor, but who knows for sure?) putting a very fearsome dragon to sleep with a rear naked choke. The drawing looks like something you might find sketched on a talented seventh-grader’s math notebook, and it includes an exhortation to "Train Hard, Be Ready!"
When we confirmed that this t-shirt really is for sale at the Red Devil Fight Team’s official online store, we were all set to pony up the $44.15 to buy one. Then we read the one and only review of the shirt, which reads: "When will i get my t-shirt? You stole my money!!!!!"
That’s when it all started to make sense.
It’s pretty obvious that this is the greatest MMA t-shirt ever made. That’s a given. But because it’s so undeniably excellent, they can’t just give it out to anyone. For all they know, the guy ordering may have no intention of training hard and/or being ready. He may not even know how to find a dragon, let alone choke one out.
Recently a friend of mine walked into a Bentley dealership with no intention of buying. He just wanted to test drive one. He had some time on his hands, perhaps a little too much, but it turns out you can’t just test drive a Bentley. The people who work at Bentley dealerships make damn sure of that. They sent him packing before he could even smell the rich interior of one, and they did it with little regard for his feelings.
Clearly, we’re looking at the Bentley of t-shirts here. They don’t just give it out to any punk off the street, even if that punk has paid for it. You might think you have what it takes to wear this shirt, but the guys at the Red Devil Fight Team online store will be the judge of that, and their decision is final.
Maybe someone like you would be more comfortable in a Tapout shirt. Those are like the Hyundai of the MMA clothing world. Anyone can get one, and nobody looks particularly good in one.