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Must See Video: Kim Jong-il’s Bodyguards Had One F*cked Up Training Regimen

You’ve probably heard by now that Kim Jong-il is dead. No, he was not killed by the hands of Hans Blix and no, the above video is not a collection of clips from the 2002 fake karate film Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. The sad reality is that what you are watching is simply what the former North Korean dictator’s bodyguards went through on a daily basis. Unreleased until a few hours ago (shocking), the footage is…uh…impressive to say the least, but not without that extra bit of crazy thrown in to let you know this is a KJi joint.

According to the narrator, il’s bodyguards are forced to “hit something” from the moment they wake up, whether that be a giant, cement block attached to another guard’s face, or a two-by-four placed on another’s neck. The rest of their day, however, is not that different from what many of us do to make a living here in America:

6 a.m. – Dodge knives thrown at you like some kind of circus act

8 a.m. – Break bricks over stomach

10 a.m. – Brunch

10:05 a.m. – 8 hours of various shooting exercises

6 p.m. – PULL A TRUCK FULL OF PEOPLE ACROSS AN EMPTY LOT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS

6:30 p.m. – Purchase oversized sunglasses and khaki pants from passing gypsy woman

7 p.m. – Kill gypsy woman

8 p.m. – 5:55 a.m. – Just beat the ever-loving shit out of one another

5:55 – 6:00 a.m. – Sleep

It may sound bad, but I hear that once a year, il allowed his bodyguards to visit their families, whom had all mysteriously been locked away in dog kennels and sent to opposite corners of the country. So, it’s not like he was a monster or anything.

-Danga 

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Deal_the_Seal- December 22, 2011 at 11:03 pm
This is a pretty old Japanese documentary on Korea. I would think as martial arts guys you'd be able to distinguish the two.
bigblockcrx- December 22, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Way to just copy paste from other sites and say its new.... The CP trolls are more informed than the writers lol.
TeilaTuliTooth- December 22, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Xeno Xeno, you had that one coming and many more, which didnt materialize because people are resisting making C-Spud all about you.
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Also, Carmen's Eddie Bravo comment was quite clearly ironic, and NomadRip's retort wins many many internets!!!
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Your motivations are strange xenomorph. You provoke and insult, but when called on it you get offended. That's not consistent.
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It's fun to observe though. (Grin)
XENOPHON- December 21, 2011 at 6:53 pm
@MonkeyBoner
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^Good, that is the idea, when mad, even shy people speak up. Just glad to know you didn't get another boner!
macreadysshack- December 21, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Congratulations, MonkeyBoner, you have just passed the CP Gom Jabbar.
MonkeyBoner- December 21, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Anytime I read anything that Xenophon writes it makes me mad
NomadRip- December 21, 2011 at 3:51 pm
@Carmen, I don't see these guys lasting more than a few seconds in yours, but you're probably right about Eddie too.
NomadRip- December 21, 2011 at 3:50 pm
I'm an alias? Sweet! Who do I get to be?
Fried Taco- December 21, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I like when the guys jump out of the plane with bombs strapped to their chests. Who needs expensive guidance systems?
RearNakedSpoon- December 21, 2011 at 12:51 pm
"You’ve probably heard by now that Kim Jong-il is dead." Honestly this is the first I heard about it hahaha! Thanks :)
macreadysshack- December 21, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I also hate to say it AGAIN but Xeno is correct about this video being around forever. I can't remember when/where I saw it last but it's been a looooong time.
XENOPHON- December 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm
@NomadRip
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Why don't you just use one alias? Poseurs. Nomad Rip...how obvious.
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If you think anyone 44 years old goes through that training, you've been watching too many reruns with Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypses Now.
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Its an old propaganda film thats been around for decade plus...when compared it shows that when MMA guys are running circles in a parking lot, dragging a tire behind them, they are not that impressive.
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Karma - why don't you do something with your life. Go into any of the military services (reserves even), they would pay you to fight and competet with other intra-service and other foreign paramilitaries. You'd actually make much more money for the next 4 years. Also, you could still write for CP on the side. Kennedy and Stann did it, and look. They actually fight for the UFC, and your jitz is better than theirs is.
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@CarmenValentina - please stop, those guys would tear Edgar Cano's head off his shoulders, if not leave a shank in the side of his neck. Not one would lay down next to him and place all four paws on the deck to first count aloud - 1,2,3 now lets practice Bravo.
monkeyknuckler- December 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm
I hope they don't use bricks like that in their construction industry.
edhedicus- December 21, 2011 at 11:31 am
@dumbasses- you dont have to pretend to 'take' korean school girls anymore, you can take military men now, gays are allowed now! And get it straight, the SEALS are part of the navy...dipshit...
macreadysshack- December 21, 2011 at 11:17 am
@dumbasses . . . nice try on the to/two grammatical attempt. Just replace one for the other and jump off a bridge and you'll be just fine ;)
RwilsonR- December 21, 2011 at 11:02 am
The Five D's of Dodgeknife:
Dodge
Duck
Dip
Dive
Die
dumbasses- December 21, 2011 at 10:48 am
@edhedicus it took how long for you dumb fucks two find to brown guys in a hole?!? I'll take korean school girls over any form of the US army any day.
Ani703- December 21, 2011 at 10:45 am
The dude throwing knives at their heads has really, really bad aim.
CarmenValentina- December 21, 2011 at 10:37 am
Still don't see any of these guys lasting more than a few seconds in Eddie Bravo's rubber guard
BryanF- December 21, 2011 at 10:33 am
You got the scoop first here folks. Next featherweight prospect is coming from North Korea.

"North Korean Zombie for Champ, 2012!!!"
macreadysshack- December 21, 2011 at 10:33 am
Haha, Lesnarischamp! The shovel is because his own farmer people are always trying to kill him with farm implements.
macreadysshack- December 21, 2011 at 10:32 am
Holy crap - a 2.5 ton truck with bias ply tires in cold weather. That is truly a feat.
Lesnarischamp- December 21, 2011 at 10:31 am
@sloppy
yeah, the shovel throwing was at the point that I was like WTF? too.
"was that a shovel?!"
parchy mcthirst- December 21, 2011 at 10:19 am
I wonder if Il's in a pitch black void being endlessly torn apart by the mouths of a thousand german shepherds
Sloppyspray- December 21, 2011 at 10:06 am
I thought this was some standard stuff I've seen before until one guy launched the shovel at the other guys stomach... it got progressively more crazy from there on.
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