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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

MySpace Update: Chuck Liddell’s Footlong Doll

Your eyes do not deceive you — what you’re looking at is an an action figure crafted in the likeness of Chuck Liddell. If you’re not already convinced that this is something you need to have, allow Chuck himself to sell the hell out of it, via a bulletin sent from his Myspace page:

This is a prototype and these are price fixed because there was only 3000 made. This means the price will never change but will go up. Don’t buy those little six inch action figures, these are a full 12 inch haha. Seriously, these were made really well even if they exaggerated my body a little. Go to mmajacked.com to order yours and remember it helps a good cause as many of these go to charity.

I read those first two sentences four times before I quit and poured myself a glass of Scotch. Apparently, Chuck uses the word “never” to mean “sometimes.” (To say nothing about his shaky verb conjugation.) Also, I’m not sure what to take away from “it helps a good cause as many of these go to charity.” I wouldn’t assume that the profits go to charity — maybe the dolls that Chuck can’t move get dropped off at the Salvation Army? Better than nothing, I suppose.

In a follow-up bulletin to remind his e-pals to buy his doll, he tries to clarify the “price fixed” thing: “This means the price will never be below $49.99, ever unless someone want to lose money.”

You’d think I was screwing up the subject/verb agreements and misplacing the commas myself to make Chuck look stupid. Let me just say for the record — there’s a little something called “journalistic integrity,” and I have too much of it to stoop to such depths. I will, however, advise you against purchasing a Chuck Liddell action figure on mmajacked.com when “price fixed” is defined as it is above. I wouldn’t want to enter my credit card information and hit “complete order,” only to find that I’ve been charged $649.99 because I’ve caught the dolls on a day when the prices are up. You see, Chuck’s established a minimum price ($49.99, unless someone want to lose money), but says nothing about a maximum price. Buyer beware, that’s all I’m saying.

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Squishy Dolphin- December 20, 2007 at 11:17 am
You think the grammar is bad on Chuck's end, read the description on the page its being sold.

"Master Sculpture artist did a phenomenal job on these one of kind action figures."

Master Sculpture Artist? Did they mean to replace the "artist" part with the name of the actual artist?

Next:
"All action figures will arrive in an unopened box which has never been opened since production."

Yeh, uh, thats usually how that "unopened" thing works. See, the box is sealed really, and workers probably are aware they shouldn't be playing with the dolls while its time to work. Even though they are like 9 yrs old, they still need to work.

I love the part Chuck wrote "they exaggerated my body a little." A little? You think? Hulk Hogan doesn't have guns like that, and whats up with the 6 pack? The only 6 pack Chuck knows of is a 6'er of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Alexa Brazil- December 17, 2007 at 5:43 pm
I bumped into Chuck at airport in LA and he was more like 6 inch xoxo
BIG CHRIS- December 17, 2007 at 12:42 am
Thanks for the heads up on this buddy....beleive me, without that advice i would have bought three of them....I never thought a website called cage potato would be so informative....
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