Your eyes do not deceive you — what you’re looking at is an an action figure crafted in the likeness of Chuck Liddell. If you’re not already convinced that this is something you need to have, allow Chuck himself to sell the hell out of it, via a bulletin sent from his Myspace page:
This is a prototype and these are price fixed because there was only 3000 made. This means the price will never change but will go up. Don’t buy those little six inch action figures, these are a full 12 inch haha. Seriously, these were made really well even if they exaggerated my body a little. Go to mmajacked.com to order yours and remember it helps a good cause as many of these go to charity.
I read those first two sentences four times before I quit and poured myself a glass of Scotch. Apparently, Chuck uses the word “never” to mean “sometimes.” (To say nothing about his shaky verb conjugation.) Also, I’m not sure what to take away from “it helps a good cause as many of these go to charity.” I wouldn’t assume that the profits go to charity — maybe the dolls that Chuck can’t move get dropped off at the Salvation Army? Better than nothing, I suppose.
In a follow-up bulletin to remind his e-pals to buy his doll, he tries to clarify the “price fixed” thing: “This means the price will never be below $49.99, ever unless someone want to lose money.”
You’d think I was screwing up the subject/verb agreements and misplacing the commas myself to make Chuck look stupid. Let me just say for the record — there’s a little something called “journalistic integrity,” and I have too much of it to stoop to such depths. I will, however, advise you against purchasing a Chuck Liddell action figure on mmajacked.com when “price fixed” is defined as it is above. I wouldn’t want to enter my credit card information and hit “complete order,” only to find that I’ve been charged $649.99 because I’ve caught the dolls on a day when the prices are up. You see, Chuck’s established a minimum price ($49.99, unless someone want to lose money), but says nothing about a maximum price. Buyer beware, that’s all I’m saying.