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‘Nemesis MMA: Global Invasion’ was an Epic Clusterf*ck, You Guys

(“Nemesis MMA” was the worst thing to happen to Keith Jardine since … well, whatever the last thing that happened to Keith Jardine was. PicProps: EstherLin/SharkFights)

If you were paying attention to our report on Tuesday – or following Ben Askren on Twitter, which we can only assume you absolutely are – then you had an inkling that last weekend’s independent “Nemesis MMA” show in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic was something of a disaster. Truth is, “disaster” doesn’t even begin to cover it. From accusations that Keith Jardine was greased-up in the main event to reports that paychecks started bouncing as soon as the athletes returned to the First World, it was clear from the get-go this thing was gonna be a mess. Brother, we had no idea.

MMA Weekly gets the scoop straight from Paul Buentello and Eliot Marshall, who were both “winners” at the event. Now, we know what you’re thinking: Shady independent MMA promoters stocking a show in the DR with semi-recognizable talent and promising a “four-day, all-inclusive, world-class experience in paradise?”  What could possibly go wrong, right? Well, tons of shit actually, when you don’t have an athletic commission (or anyone at all) looking after health and safety issues. Get a good look Libertarians, this is the world you want to live in …

Buentello and Marshall say they showed up at the event to discover no medical officials, no time keeper and just one referee (Mario Yamasaki, God bless him), trying to supervise a locker room full of Dominicans who were rubbing themselves down with Icy Hot before the fights even started. So that was a good sign. Buentello says the closest thing resembling a doctor at the show was some dude walking around with “a toolbox full of band-aids,” and Marshall reports that after seeing what happened when some poor sucker got knocked out in one of the early fights, he decided to switch up his game plan a little bit.

“There was just some dude standing over him putting water on his head till he woke up,” Marshall says. “My plan was not to stand up too much after I saw that there was no doctor. I was like, you know what, let’s go to the ground.”

Good move for Marshall, who submitted opponent Chris McNally – a middleweight he had never seen before, because the weigh ins were as poorly organized as the actual fight show – in the first round.  That was especially lucky because, after Nemesis promoters had to basically pull a guy out of the audience to serve as the timekeeper, the “five minute rounds” weren’t exactly conforming to the unified rules.

“The timekeeper used his cell phone … ,” Buentello says. “I don’t know if he was a security guard or what, he could have been the janitor. He had a cell phone with a timer on it and he was texting too, while he was watching the time for the fights because the (rounds) were averaging about 5:15, 4:30, 4-minute rounds … (in) my fight (one round was) was like 10 seconds short and then (one round was) 10 seconds over.”

See, that’s just good fun. For some reason, according to Marshall fighters were still expecting to get paid “nearly what the UFC did for fights” the next morning, even after witnessing the insane dry-humping that was the show itself. Stop us if this starts to sound fishy to you: Nemesis promoters told fighters to meet them in a local coffee shop at 8 a.m. the following morning to receive their paychecks … then the promtoers didn’t show up. Hmmm, curious.

Buentello and a few others tracked the money man down in his hotel room – imagine him hastily stuffing clothes into a suitcase – and made the guy sit down and write the checks out right then and there. Because, you know, with mounting suspicion that you’re not going to get paid at all, why ask for cash?

“I was like ‘Are you sure this (check) is going to clear?’ and he was like ‘We’re all good, the money’s in there, you’re great.’ I was like ‘I hope to God you’re right,’ ” Buentello says. “I’m like towering over him, looking down on him, kind of putting some pressure on him … you know, giving him that crazy Mexican look. So, I leave and try to enjoy the day.”

Yeah, fat chance. Soon after, Buentello got a call from one of his corner men: “You want the bad news or the really bad news?” the guy asks. “The bad news is, y’all ain’t getting paid. The really bad news is there’s only $4,000 in that account.”

No, we don’t know how Paul Buentello’s corner man knew how much money Nemesis promoters had in their bank account and at this point in the story, we’re not really interested in the details. Buentello stormed back up to the promoter’s hotel room – crazy Mexican look in full effect, we’re guessing – but instead of ripping the dude a new one, he actually ended up defending the guy from a gang of Puerto Ricans who looked like they were preparing to literally kill him.

“It was like a scene from ‘Scarface,’” Buentello says.  “I was ready to grab (the promoter) by the throat and just start dropping elbows, but, these (Puerto Rican) guys were like 4-foot-5, they come pushing me out of the way (saying)  ‘We’re going to kill you right now!’ and before you know it, we had to protect the promoter cause these little guys wanted to kill him. Drag him out to the beach and slice him up. The thing is it was only over a couple thousand dollars, but these guys were pissed.”

Turns out, the Puerto Ricans were mad because the promoter paid them to haul a cage from their gym to the DR for the show and the day after it was over the owners of the venue were holding the cage for ransom, because the promoter hadn’t paid them, either. I mean, Jeez-us Fucking Christ. Would now be a good time to point out that this show only drew a few hundred fans?

Long story made just a touch shorter: Everybody flew home, nobody got paid. Buentello broke his hand beating up Kerry Schall and might need surgery. He’ll be paying for that out of his own pocket, naturally. Maybe the saddest part of all is that poor Marshall just wants the win to count on his official record so he has a chance to get back into the UFC …

“I need for this fight to officially go on my record,” Marshall says. “It would be nice to at least make these fights official for us. Even though we didn’t get paid, and there was all this debacle, 24 guys got in there and they fought their hearts out.”

Cagepotato Comments

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gila- January 31, 2011 at 11:08 am
It's not communism to call out libertarians for ignoring what their ideology would actually create.

It's common sense.

Though libertarians do tend to get rather bitchy about anyone injecting reality into their john galt delusions.
Red Baron- December 19, 2010 at 7:57 am
Dearest Sinky,

The term wetback is a legitimate term/word. See Merriam Websters definition below.

I find it amusing when people use all manner of derogatory terms, i.e., faggot, homo, N-word, gook, but when a term is used that hits close to their own toes, they scream foul.

Homie don't do the PC thing.

Definition of WETBACK
usually offensive
: a Mexican who enters the United States illegally
See wetback defined for English-language learners »
Origin of WETBACK
from the practice of wading or swimming the Rio Grande where it forms the U.S.-Mexico border
First Known Use: 1929
FaH Q NL15- December 19, 2010 at 7:35 am
Hey guapo, love the rice with chicken referance. my buddies costa rican mom makes the best!
gator roll- December 18, 2010 at 1:56 pm
The Huffington Potato. Ha
But seriously... does anyone actually think we shouldn't be taking shots at Chael Sonnen for being a crazy Republican real estate agent? I for one enjoy those comments
cecils_pupils- December 18, 2010 at 7:51 am
Gary Goodridge is not impressed with your performance.
rockhuddy- December 17, 2010 at 10:18 pm
Showcasing your political ignorance, this actually seems to be a good example of the market at work- these yahoos put on a clusterfuck of a show, and I doubt they'll ever do another one. Also, what kind of fighter/manager would sign up for this bullshit? They apparently walked in like trusting little lambs when they should have known better.
Killa-K- December 17, 2010 at 8:13 pm
This thing was more poorly organized then Keith Jardine's gene pool
ZiggysDick- December 17, 2010 at 7:27 pm
I don't think banning political comments on the CP makes sense. The sport is still in the process of being legalized, so at the very least, a complete discussion of MMA does legitimately involve discussing politics now and then.

I think this goes beyond the scope of the original comment about banning political comments on CP, which seemed to mostly focus on tangential political jabs appearing in articles or the comments section, but I think there are many interesting things about MMA that are worth discussing that are not strictly related to fighting.

-Religious fighters (balancing a belief system that frowns upon violence with a career centered around violence)
-The construction of gender in MMA (masculinity)
-Whether or not there is a relationship between MMA and professional wrestling
-Violence as entertainment.
Stuff like that.
StinkFacer- December 17, 2010 at 7:20 pm
lol @ red baron.
With one statement you go from blasting CP for sharing a political view....and in the next denigrate hispanic people by calling them wetbacks.

CP...keep throwing out political views every time some voting minority gets offended and throws out a racial slur. At least we can all be angry together.

-proud American citizen from Hispanic descent: StinkFacer.
RwilsonR- December 17, 2010 at 7:04 pm
I'm with the guys who would prefer to leave politics out of this site... especially the annoying drive-by comments in articles that make someone want to stand up and defend why they should not be mocked by people who get their news from the Daily Show, which then turns into an argument in the comments section. So I am with Darkside, Red Baron, et al, on that this shouldn't be The Huffington Potato.

But I do have to disagree that somehow MRuss or Dundas were responsible for changing the tone, and all was wonderful during the the Era of Two Bens. Fowlkes was just as leftist as anyone. That fucker has a degree in Creative Writing, or some namby pamby BS like that! He tossed out jabs all the time, and for those that remember, the comments section was just as pissed/supportive of it back then.

We should be fair about that to the new guys.
fatbellyfrank- December 17, 2010 at 5:48 pm
I thought a libertarian gave out books and told people to "shhhhhhhh"
mt59801- December 17, 2010 at 5:29 pm
When the show isn't even professional enough to book, mazagatti,
see-saw peep-holes, or gus and his stunning purple eye shadow it's a bad omen man
8MilesHigh- December 17, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Mike you're a douchefag for not writing that article. I like my MMA sprinkled with liberal politics.

Figher's are dumb.
Darkside- December 17, 2010 at 5:05 pm
It's wrong to involve your personal political views into an mma article that should have nothing to do with that stuff. That's my point here. If you want to debate politics, I can go to whatever other site and do that, if need be. This is supposed to be about purely mma, right? I feel that it is disrespectful to myself and everyone else who has ever stepped into the cage to have stories like this be buried just because "certain people" feel like they need to espouse their political views on a forum that's meant for people that bleed their hearts out in the cage. Sorry if I'm mistaken.
ghostboner- December 17, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Was that a political comment GusBuster???
Darkside- December 17, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Not talking shit about mruss, because i don't know if he wrote this. Not blaming people without knowledge. However, it is interesting that the CP lackeys Rex and Viva are the only ones coming out so strongly now. Hmm...
ReX13- December 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Mike >>  Actually, i think you mostly get shit for articles you don't write.
BEAM- December 17, 2010 at 4:52 pm
SandyVag Says:
Fri, 12/17/2010 - 15:04

CP - Communist Potato.

DKP - Daily Kos Potato

Mike Russell- December 17, 2010 at 4:22 pm
 Geez, I even get shit for articles I don't write. 
ReX13- December 17, 2010 at 4:19 pm
For the record, the "libertarian" jab was pretty funny, and i don't think we should ban political commentary.  Mostly because i'm using a sarah palin joke eventually, as soon as i see something retarded enough.  Incidentally, this Nemesis event  probably qualifies.Eliot Marshall:   "You guys, i can totally see the UFC from here!"
Red Baron- December 17, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Gee Dan, looks ro me like you just

What kind of a dumbass stiffs a bunch of MMA fighters? Only if they made enough to retire on a Carribean island away from civilization does that make sense.

Darkside- December 17, 2010 at 3:29 pm
@ Dan

I agree. But when subjects like this are brought out by CP, people are going to talk. Hence, what I've already said. I don't need to rehash it.

Props to you for doing your part, actually talking about the fighters. However, calling people idiots while you are hiding behind your computer? C'mon dude.
Dan The Viking- December 17, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Your all idiosos. The last thing I do when I want to stop talking about something is stand on a chair and spout my 2 cents.

Buentello deserves to get paid. Whats 4000 cuban pescos? Thats like $181. I piss that away on strangers kids birthday parties.

Elliot 'James Wilks' Marshall doesnt.
"Please let this count, please fuck. Dana said I needed a couple wins to come back. I won right? RIGHT?! I did! Look, point to something and Ill fuck it...."
Darkside- December 17, 2010 at 2:45 pm
I'm going against my word now, but listen... This whole topic about, basically, fighter's rights, is being sidetracked by yet another snarcky comment by the editors on here that never happened when it was "Ben and Ben". It's a travesty that even serious issues like this get thrown to the wayside because certain people on this site want to make things political, in an arena that has nothing to do with politics. I don't care if there are nothing but libs or conservatives on here. Take that shit to another forum, and I might join you. But here, it's supposed to be about issues related to our great sport. If I want to hear liberal commentary, I'll check out what Snowden has to say on Bloody Vag.
Red Baron- December 17, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Lysol I agree 100%. And they are chickenshit drive-by comments by CP, usually. They have absolutely no bearing on the topic at all, it's just like the guy wants to periodically remind everyone that he's a leftist. Fine, you're a leftist, we get it already.