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Nick Diaz Explains Exactly How He Plans to Cheat the CSAC

(You can thank The Garv for this absolutely necessary photoshop.)

Thanks to reader Kadumel for pointing us to this article in the L.A. Times, in which Nick Diaz reaches new levels of stupidity by telling a reporter exactly how he will beat the California State Athletic Commission’s drug screening process when he fights Frank Shamrock this weekend:

"I’m happy to get loaded, hear some good music . . . I remain consistent. And I have an easy way to deal with [the drug tests].  I can pass a drug test in eight days with herbal cleansers. I drink 10 pounds of water and sweat out 10 pounds of water every day. I’ll be fine."

Goddammit, Nick.  You are fighting in the main event of a card on Showtime.  You are not applying for a job at Hot Topic.  You’re relying on herbal cleansers to keep you from getting fined, suspended, and possibly having the result of your bout changed to a no contest…again!?  Have you learned nothing?

It’s not that I care that Diaz smokes weed.  I just care that he’s dumb enough to tell a reporter exactly how he’s going to cheat the system.  Does he think the guys from the CSAC don’t read the L.A. Times sports section? 

If somehow they didn’t already have Diaz in their drug-testing sights, they sure as hell do now that he’s put them on the spot.  He has basically dared them to catch him.  If his drug test comes back clean, it will be as if the CSAC has admitted that their drug screening process can be defrauded.

Frank Shamrock is quoted in the article saying that he doesn’t care for what Diaz’s blatant drug use does for the image of the sport, but calls his honesty about it “refreshing.” 

That’s one way of putting it.  Utterly stupid is another way.  It’s like explaining to the IRS how you plan to cheat on your taxes.  It doesn’t matter that you’re doing it because you feel income tax is unconstitutional.  It only matters that you have, for no good reason, increased your chances of getting caught.  But what should we expect at this point?  As we already know, Nick Diaz is not a fucking scientist.  To the list of things he’s not, we can go ahead and add "smart."

Cagepotato Comments

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UFC fan- April 11, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Nick Diaz DESTROYED Shamrock.

he SMOKED him! ha!
Anonymous- April 10, 2009 at 11:18 am
nick diaz is my hero !!!!! an yes weed an totally worth it
UFC fan- April 10, 2009 at 10:53 am
Fuck fighting.....I am gonna go help Nick smoke all that lovely weed.
Fuckanosama- April 10, 2009 at 6:01 am
Nick is a fucking freedom fighter.
Anonymous- April 10, 2009 at 4:25 am
The thing is he needs to use cleansers because of the fact that weed can be seen weeks after in your urine (months after in your hair) and I doubt he'll go weeks without weed prefight nor after. But noway he even smokes the same day he's fighting. A lot and I mean a lot of MMA practitioners use weed as a way of relaxing the muscles after hard practice sessions and it is not uncommon at all.
Anonymous- April 10, 2009 at 4:20 am
You retarded people really think he fights high? Who the fuck would be stupid enough to step into the octagon high. Your reflexes turn into shit and you wont be able to go as long either. He probably smokes postfight and stops smoking a couple of days before because you're always a little bit jammed the day after smoking.
Long Nuts Himself- April 9, 2009 at 9:33 pm
CP: you win for your article. This is Ben at his finest.
Anonymous- April 9, 2009 at 8:21 pm
im gonna smoke a blunt of purp with the diaz brothers one day
MethLabTechnician- April 9, 2009 at 8:01 pm
To all the guys talking about hair testing. True it is not cost effective. But the real problem lies in the the fact they a rather open window of when the banned substance was taken. It is not some sort of exact science that can detect when the substance was taken, just that the substance was taken. Whereas with the traditional UA testing they have a definitive time line to work with for how long every schedule 4 or higher ranked drug has been in your system. Hair testing would have been a easy way for lets say Josh Barnett to have his legal team argue " Josh has a overgrown step cut CSAC guys. Sure he took the steroids. But that was a good 6 months before he put the spank on couture."

So basically, the concern of the CSAC is to make sure the athlete is not under the influence of performance enhancing drugs during the fight. As far as what the guys are doing weeks after or months before is not their concern.
Chaplin- April 9, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I'm with Bas. Diaz should have gotten "extra credit" for beating Gomi high. that is NOT performance enhancing. punches hurt more. your body just wants to relax. if you're really high, your heart's already beating faster. shooting hoops high is ok, but not running, and damn sure not fighting. Nick should be studied by scientists. If he knows for sure he can beat the tests i back him, but telling this to a reporter was just not very smart
Sneaky Pete- April 9, 2009 at 6:35 pm
If he passed the drug test, then can you say that he's cheated the system? I don't think so. The test itself will be evidence enough that the weed didn't have an effect on his performance.

@Anonymous who said that weed wouldn't help a fighter: I disagree. In a sport where training is intense and the performing at Nick's level is intimidating to say the least, anything that can help a fighter manage his or her nerves may well give them the edge in a fight.

But Diaz is just a knucklehead. What reason does he have to have a prescription for pot? Anyone?
viktor- April 9, 2009 at 6:18 pm
but in all seriousness, whats the big deal if the guy can smoke a bunch of weed and then fight? the guy has done pretty decent this far, why ridicule him? atleast he's not drinking his own piss. (no hard feelings machida, love ya bro)
viktor- April 9, 2009 at 6:14 pm
well nick thats a pretty "blunt" statement
Anonymous- April 9, 2009 at 6:12 pm
In regards to, "You’re relying on herbal cleansers to keep you from getting fined, suspended, and possibly having the result of your bout changed to a no contest…again!? Have you learned nothing?"

I don't think he really gives a shit. And I give him a golf clap for being honest and doing what he want's to do regardless.
bmd- April 9, 2009 at 6:00 pm
shamrock's going humiliate this diaz character. In front of the WORLD.
mike tyson- April 9, 2009 at 5:51 pm
let the man smoke
jdavis- April 9, 2009 at 5:45 pm
I hope some NORML guy can convince Nick to get a doctor's note for his weed.
"Its medecine man, fuck you and the man and his rules, man!!"

They don't care if you have a prescription or not if it's on the athletic commission banned substance list then it's on the banned substance list. Ryan Jensen had a perfectly legal prescription for Adderall and his fight still got pulled for using it before a fight. Nick can smoke all he wants in his free time and I doubt CSAC would care he just can't have it in his system come fight time. I don't know why people think a prescription matters in this?

Of course if Diaz can clear his system before the fight then he isn't cheating the system he is conforming to it, if he gets it totally out of his system then there is no way it's going to affect his peformance in the cage(positive or negative). If he's clean for the fight then he is clean for the fight and if he gets caught that's his own damn fault.
Anonymous- April 9, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Koko B Ware- April 9, 2009 at 4:20 pm
So what happens if he gets caught again? Are they gonna throw the book at him once for pissing hot, then again for being an idiot? I don't care what he does in his personal time, but for him to announce it is just careless. Can't wait to see him mugging it up at the frostee machine in Wendy's some time soon
fightfan- April 9, 2009 at 4:16 pm
I hope this moron gets caught. I hope the CSAC takes a hair sample and see all the THC in his body. What a fucking moron...a huge fight and Nick tells a newspaper in CA none the less that he can easily deceive the people testing him

That would be like telling the judge in a criminal trial that you will find flaws in his court and will find a way to beat the guilty rap by cheating.

Quasicholo- April 9, 2009 at 4:04 pm
nick can blow dank all day. i don't give a shit. but stop announcing it to the people that want to fuck you over. that makes all of us intelligent and rational pot smokers look like retards, and in turn will fuck up or chances to ever get it legalized, or at least ignored by the commissions.
WAR BONG- April 9, 2009 at 3:57 pm
IN bishes.

scotiagoodwin- April 9, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Keepin it real...Nick Diaz calls it like it is.
Ketamine 4Kids- April 9, 2009 at 2:59 pm
all this talk makes me want a bonghit myself
HillBilly- April 9, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I like how someone pointed out

that in a sport where people are getting knee'd to the head, it seems like the governing bodies of that sport are worried about the fighters ruining their health by smoking some weed.

That is pretty damn funny. Maybe its the example the fighters are setting for the kids that's the issue:

We need to put octagons in public parks so neighborhood kids can knee each other in the head all day instead of smoking pot. But damn, then Nick Diaz has to go and ruin it by showing kids they can do both!

Just a shining example of the thoughtless, knee-jerk, politically correct, zero tolerance, hypocritical thinking that this country excels at. I don't smoke weed but yeah, if I wanted to why should it be anyone's business? I think Employers ought to have to prove in court that weed smoking would be dangerous for a certain position before they are allowed to infringe on your privacy by asking if you smoke it or requiring you to take a drug test.

I think anyone who knows stoners knows that the decreased reaction time and slower thought process outweigh any pain suppression advantage that might be claimed. So tell me again other than being able to say you are 'tough on drugs' by catching fighters doing something you and your closest family members have probably done countless times, what is the point of this testing for weed in MMA? Oh what's that? You are just going to stammer something about how I just don't get it and walk away mad?

Of course you are. That's why people who make these type of rules can't stand to be argued with.