(We’ll see if Dana’s still laughing when STOCKTON FC swallows up the entire industry. / Photo via CombatLifestyle.com)
According to a commonly misused F. Scott Fitzgerald quote, there are no second-acts in American lives. But for years, MMA fighters have proven that adage wrong. Tito Ortiz transitioned from a Hall of Fame-worthy career in the Octagon to his current standing as the most effective and eloquent fighter-manager in MMA. Rampage Jackson went into the rap game after leaving the UFC, and now his latest album — Hump Musik — has gone quintuple-platinum. And legendary two-division UFC champ Randy Couture devoted himself to acting following his MMA career, making history as the first man to win Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor (for his cauliflower ear) in the same film.
I kid, because I love. The truth is, finding a new path after a successful career as a fighter can be very difficult. Not everybody can put their name on a goddamned grill and sit on Easy Street for the rest of their life. So when we tell you that Nick Diaz might be launching his own MMA promotion in the wake of his latest “retirement“…well, just keep your expectations realistic, okay?
We first heard about this in yesterday’s installment of MiddleEasy.com’s “Rumor Mill column, which was followed by longtime Diaz-documentarian LayzieTheSavage posting a link to RedditMMA: nickdiazpromotions.com, which contains a logo for something called WAR Mixed Martial Arts, and a “Coming Soon” message. No other details are available at this time, but my God, imagine the possibilities.
It makes sense that Diaz would want to start his own fight club, considering how dissatisfied he’s always been with the Unified Rules, and the ways that the current rule-set can be exploited by weak-ass point-fighters and wrestlers. So what would Diaz’s brand-new MMA promotion actually look like? (Warning: Here come the jokes…)
- Each match will consist of a 10-minute opening round, a five-minute second round, then a 25-mile bike ride.
- No judges will be used, because it’s like, after a fight ends, everybody knows who won the damn fight.
- Since marijuana is not a performance-enhancing drug, it won’t be tested for during drug-screenings. All other drug-tests will be conducted by Nick Diaz just looking at you and deciding if you’re on steroids.
- Non-title fights will be held in a PRIDE-style ring. Title fights will be held later that night at the hospital.
- Even if they’re thrown unintentionally, there will be an automatic one-point deduction for superman punches.
Feel free to add your own WAR MMA rules in the comments section. In fact, screw it…best one by the end of the day gets a CagePotato t-shirt.