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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

No Charges Laid in Ortiz-Jameson Domestic Assault Case


(Oh, Jenna. When will you learn?)

You’ll all be happy to know that Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson are now officially free to go on with their trainwreck life together now that the Orange County District Attorney’s office has decided to close their case without laying charges against the former UFC light heavyweight champion for the highly publicized April 26 fight between the pair at their Huntington Beach home.


According to a report by Sherdog.com, Farrah Emami, a spokesperson for the Orange County District Attorney’s Office said on Thursday that the reason for the decision not to move forward with the case was a lack of tangible evidence.

“We declined to file charges based on insufficient corroboration to prove a case beyond a reasonable doubt,” Emami told Sherdog’s Loretta Hunt.

Ortiz was arrested for allegedly pushing Jameson, his longtime girlfriend and mother of their 13-month-old twin boys, and was booked on suspicion of  domestic violence, and spent the day in jail before posting bail later that evening. 

In a dramatic turn of events, "The Huntington Beach Bad Boy" ran out of a televised press conference in tears that evening after his lawyer dropped a bombshell that Jameson was addicted to prescription pain killers — a claim she refuted by taking and passing a drug test the following day.

The couple has since reconciled, but not before Jameson got a teary-eyed TV appearance of her own. During a tell-all with US Magazine, Jameson said that the incident wasn’t the first time Ortiz became violent with her, but explained that the first time didn’t count because he was "obviously drugged" while on a night out at a club.

Well, I for one am glad all of this is over. It’s going to be weird when Tito finally fights again and we can all start reporting on REAL MMA news with his name attached to it. Don’t get me wrong, I’d totally watch a reality show if they made one starring the pair of them, if only for the comedic value of the monologue segments.

I just hope that dodging this legal bullet doesn’t give him a big head.

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Viva Hate- May 14, 2010 at 7:32 am
Jenna and Nick both have no problems taking huge shits, mainly due to the massive amounts of anal. There someone had to say it.
GUI-uh-TEEN- May 14, 2010 at 6:24 am
Jenna needs to share her secret to tightening ligaments with nick ring...
Tai-Pan- May 14, 2010 at 6:00 am
I have absolutly nothing to say except its six am, I'm drunk and unemployed. Yay for Cp in a few hours.....
justscrappin- May 14, 2010 at 5:21 am
So....where is Rex13's (dougie fresh) write up on Bellator?
David_Banner- May 14, 2010 at 2:31 am
Maybe Bonners run into porn would lead to a War Machine beatdown in da club? You cant trust those cage fighters, very dodgy and unpredictable.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 14, 2010 at 12:47 am
@ geistbonner

I'm not sure if that was me (I've been working hard my whole life to ruin my short term memory), but thanks.

Incidentally, and on a completely unrelated topic, I've always thought that with his name Stephen Bonner would make a quick transition to porno. You'd just have to say it with a french accent: Ste-fan Bone-air, knowwhatImean?
ghostboner- May 14, 2010 at 12:33 am
That time when you referred to Nate Marquardt as "Mark Wart" had me laughing. I loves me some silly phonetics.
ghostboner- May 14, 2010 at 12:30 am
@ Rex I'd love to if I had that effing channel!!!!! But thanks for opening up that painful would, asshole...

@Mr Misanthropeaux - I like your style.
Dickface- May 13, 2010 at 11:51 pm
I'd pay $5 for that pic as long as it was autographed
Mr_Misanthropy- May 13, 2010 at 11:32 pm
@ GrossAteWipePipe

Wow, $5 is really cheap, is that for a correspondence course or something? I can almost afford that if I sit downtown and pan-handle some more. Does this course come with some form of official certification? I would hate to spend a whole $5 and not have anything to show for it.

Oh yeah, will my certificate come with an autographed polaroid of you sucking Ben Fowlkes dick? (I admit, a little mean, but funny.)
cecils_pupils- May 13, 2010 at 10:32 pm
doesn't surprise me that Jenna's into poop. i heard she plays the rusty trombone... yep, i went there.
Griz8WhiteHYPE- May 13, 2010 at 9:08 pm
introduction -----witty crossed out comment-------- actual story cotinues.


see my friends, for the low low price of $5, you too can learn to write in cagepotato style. donde esta the f*ck is fowlkes?!
PurplePickle- May 13, 2010 at 8:41 pm
I dropped the DirectTV package that Bellator is broadcast on. I'll have to make do with beer, UFC 113 on TiVo, and CP until bedtime.

Besides, like others here, I prefer ReX13's re-telling of the Bellator fights. Mostly because of the homoerotic and virulently racist nature of his writing style that is unique among the milquetoast hacks that dominate MMA journalism.

Mr_Misanthropy- May 13, 2010 at 8:19 pm
@ Almost (chris) Noth

Yeah, I concur. I don't even have cable right now. I think it works better as a serialized internet drama anyways. I just fill in the sound effects with my over-active imagination. BIFF! POW! SLAM!
rlh61- May 13, 2010 at 8:00 pm
ReX13...thanks for the heads-up brah! It comes on here in an hour...just enough time to get the kids to bed, crack open a beer and enjoy.
Almost North- May 13, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Not all of us have the imaginary channel bellator is on, and we have to get it um.....later.
Seoul Brother- May 13, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Upon seeing Frito, Crime Lord Han (from "Enter the Dragon") said to him, "Yours is a head of truly epic proportions!"
Mr_Misanthropy- May 13, 2010 at 7:48 pm
That's an old text from when Jenna was at the hospital right after she gave birth. Surprisingly enough passing both of those gigantic headed twins was not even close to the widest her shit's been stretched.
Ratel- May 13, 2010 at 7:44 pm
Why hasn't DW enacted the I-can-do-whatever-I-want-because-I-own-your-soul clause that we all know he puts into fighters' contracts and dropped Frito into the yawning pit of molten lava yet? What's he waiting for?

We already know Franklin will be fighting Chuck in Vancouver, so let's face facts: Tito is irrelevant. Doesn't matter what he does, where he does it or who he does it to - he's OUT. So let's move on and reinstate the lifetime Frito Ortiz ban.

And then smash the tablet that it was etched on so it can never be undone.
ReX13- May 13, 2010 at 7:36 pm
"The last one of those events killed off the dinosaurs."

+1


***

Are you fools watching Bellator? Why not?

It's cool, i'm watching it for you. Love you guys, sleep well.

See you in the morning.
rlh61- May 13, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Well, if he came home from a club all drugged up, that explains everything. Just imagine stumbling through the front door sauced as all hell...trying to carry that massive cranium around. He obviously lost his balance and the basic physical property of inertia took over...an object in motion will remain in motion until another force acts upon it. In this case it was several tons of force hurling through the living room and when Jenna tried to help him...WHAM a collision of meteoric proportions. No wonder she got hurt...she's lucky she's alive. The last one of those events killed off the dinosaurs.
s.p.e.c.t.r.e.- May 13, 2010 at 7:26 pm
she just took a big dump huh... well i just released the kraken in my toilet
k-onda- May 13, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Damn, ban him, just ban him. So over it
KimboSlice- May 13, 2010 at 7:21 pm
wtf, is that a real tweet that she made? lol
MyDadCanBeatUpYourDad- May 13, 2010 at 7:08 pm
That's not what they mean when they say, "You're hittin' that Tito?!?" It's not literal man.
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