MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

NostradaMMAs: Four Future UFC Rematches and How They’ll Turn Out


(Ah, 2007 — when picking up a draw against Tito Ortiz could be the greatest accomplishment of a fighter’s career.)

By Jared ‘DangadaDang” Jones

In a sport where upsets come as easily as a lone, well placed punch, the rematch has become not only commonplace, but a huge commodity for the UFC as well. Fight fans worldwide have embraced the rematch because they offer a chance to witness a fighter’s redemption first-hand. Sometimes these matches provide us with instant classics, and set in place the even more lucrative Trilogy, while others serve only to confirm what we already knew.

Tito Ortiz, the man behind some of the UFC’s most profitable rematches and trilogies, is looking to continue his path to redemption and possibly contendership (!) when he takes on Rashad Evans at UFC 133. Though the odds are against him, his recent win over Ryan Bader proved to us that he can still choke someone out when it’s called for. (No Brett, you’re doing it wrong.) And since Ortiz stepped up to the plate, so shall I. Here are four upcoming UFC rematches and how I believe they will go down…

Tito Ortiz vs. Rashad Evans – UFC 133

(Click image to watch video.)

What happened the first time: Ortiz was able to secure a takedown within the opening minute of the fight, giving him the edge in a grappling-and-clinch-heavy first round, but after repeatedly grabbing the fence in the second frame, referee Big John McCarthy deducted one point from Ortiz, nullifying a round he would have won. Rashad was able to mount some offense in the third and secure a takedown of his own, resulting in a draw across the board.

What’s happened since then: Evans would go on to claim highlight-reel glory for his earth shattering KO of Chuck Liddell and UFC gold just three months later with a second-round blitzkrieg of Forrest Griffin (though he would lose the title on his first defense to Lyoto Machida). Ortiz, on the other hand, would spend the next three years without a victory, have twins with a former porn star before ending their relationship, and provide the single worst night of post-fight commentary this world has ever seen. So you tell me who is worse for the wear.

Things to consider: Ever since his vicious KO defeat to Machida, Evans has appeared to lose a little confidence in his striking ability, reverting to his wrestling background in his subsequent decision wins over Thiago Silva and Rampage Jackson. Both matches were a Catch 22 in terms of showcasing his skills; they illustrated his ability to recover from damage and execute a gameplan while at the same time showing that he tends to get rocked at least once a fight. And if we know anything based on Tito’s most recent win, it’s that he can exploit an opening when he sees one.

How it will go down: The thrill of victory will be sweet but short for Ortiz. Evans will utilize his superior striking and speed to outbox “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” en route to a unanimous decision victory that will leave fans questioning Rashad’s recent lack of finishing ability even quicker than they’ll be writing off Ortiz’s win over Bader altogether. Tito will later claim that he had a lethal combination of typhoid fever and spina bifida heading into the fight.

Anderson Silva vs. Yushin Okami – UFC 134

What happened the first time: Though there are some detractors out there who will tell you the fight wasn’t going Anderson’s way…it was basically going Anderson’s way. Silva was easily outclassing Okami on the feet, landing quick combinations and leg kicks, but Okami weathered the early storm and managed to secure a takedown. After a failed triangle attempt, Anderson decided that he had spent enough time on his back and threw a vicious (and totally illegal) upkick, rendering Okami unable to continue and earning him the victory via DQ. It would be the last time to date that Silva would lose a match.

What’s happened since then: Did you hear what I just said? In the five years since the DQ loss, Silva has racked up 15 straight victories including a UFC record eight straight title defenses. He has become so powerful in fact, that he was even able to convince the world that this guy is still a force to be reckoned with. Okami has enjoyed a good bit of success as well, going 12-3 since the victory and picking up wins over top contenders Mark Munoz and Nate Marquardt, the latter of which earned him the rematch with Silva.

Things to consider: Throughout his UFC career, fans have been questioning Okami’s lack of, well, thunder. Other than a KO of the late Evan Tanner and his TKOs over Octagon washouts Lucio Linhares and Kalib “Running Man” Starnes, Yushin has seemed to lack the killer instinct and therefore PPV draw of other title contenders, which has likely cost him a shot at Anderson in the past. And although Silva’s victories have ranged from downright brutal to downright disrespectful, there is no denying the Spider’s ability to simply win no matter what the circumstances.

How it will go down: Anderson has stated before that he has little interest in a rematch with Okami, and if history tells us anything, it’s that an uninspired Anderson Silva can turn an easy win into a smorgasbord of redonk in a hurry. Combine that with Okami’s general unwillingness to engage and we are looking at the makings of one terrible fight. Expect to see Okami sticking to his usual conservative striking routine to set up the takedown and some steady GnP. His recent training with Chael Sonnen only reinforces this theory, because you don’t go to Sonnen’s gym for the BJJ lessons. Sadly for Okami, this plan will come with much less success, as Silva will stop most if not all of Okami’s takedowns whilst picking him apart on the feet en route to a dominant, though plodding decision. As a result of Anderson’s excessive taunting during the fight, Dana White will first threaten to fire him before immediately setting up Silva v GSP: OMFG.

Hit that “next page” link for a do-over spawned by controversy, and the conclusion (we hope) of a generation-defining lightweight trilogy.

next page >

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RSparrow- July 20, 2011 at 4:42 am
Evans (Though I'm strangely the fuck going for Tito)
Silva (Easy, get real)
Wiman (Who cares, really)
Edgar (too quick and prepared)
intercept440- July 19, 2011 at 4:12 pm
much as i dislike toto, im hoping he gives the shad stankleg again, or just chokes him out.
Yazloz18- July 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Only one other person in the comments mentioned the upcoming Forrest/Shogun rematch. Insane
k-onda- July 19, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Come on judges! Fuckin retards!
Thanks Dang, this was cool - but do you think Anderson will feel pressure to put on a show, being that he'll be fighting back in Muther Brazil? And that if that's the case, does the possibility of him making a tactical error exist?
booyah219- July 19, 2011 at 9:39 am
What no love for Forrest vs. Shogun II?
WK- July 19, 2011 at 9:07 am
Am I the only one that thinks Yushin will win again?
DangadaDang- July 19, 2011 at 8:51 am
Nevermind, that was in the UFC. Christ.
DangadaDang- July 19, 2011 at 8:41 am
@naz
Charade you are. I guess I should've added "in the UFC" to that line.
ColinTimberlake- July 19, 2011 at 8:23 am
Another multi page article?

That's it. Never clicking a Dangadadang article again.
naz- July 19, 2011 at 8:08 am
Ortiz actually won his rematch against Guy Mezger after losing to him the first time. His celebrations after match escalated his feud with Shamrock...
DARKHORSE06- July 19, 2011 at 7:43 am
"Typhoid fever and spina bifida?" Fucking hilarious!
Get Off Me- July 19, 2011 at 7:30 am
Good read once again Dangadadang. I think Silva will finish Okami, the rest of the article makes perfect sense to me though.
@Sully
I made a late move on Tito against Bader based exactly on the fact that Tito has fought the best in the past. I think, unlike Bader, Rashad has fought a steady line of quality opponents himself and so it really is a toss up who wins, advantage Rashad as Tito's job ain't on the line this time.
Fried Taco- July 19, 2011 at 7:27 am
Chants of Tito will fill the arena!! And the Danzig Mother link is perfection!
Viva Hate- July 19, 2011 at 6:30 am
I told you all yesterday Tito will win by KO on his way to becoming champion yet again.
Dirt- July 19, 2011 at 6:21 am
Quit the multi-page articles...
Sully- July 19, 2011 at 6:20 am
I honestly think Tito Ortiz is going to win. Even though he lost to Machida, he still lasted and almost got the sub in the end. Evans fights like that kid with down syndrome that lives down the street from me. Even when he " beat " Rampage in that retarded fake the jab take down fest, he managed to look like a steaming pile of dicks.I felt like I was watching someone play UFC Undisputed, but didn't know the controls for stand up, just the button for take downs. That being said, I think Tito will be taking a lot of confidence and motivation into the octagon. Meanwhile, Evans will be trying on new suits, so that he can try to fool himself into believing he's worth something. But other than that, Tito and Evans are both fucking tools that can't help but spoon feed themselves shit to fight to maintain their illusions of being top fighters and will never be champions again in the UFC. Sully out.
Giblets- July 19, 2011 at 6:15 am
Agreed with all, except Maynard to win, Edgar to drop down in weight and pettis to claim that if Maynard and Edgar had a baby he'd make him cry twice by wiping his dick on his Teddy bear on his fifth b'day
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