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Not That It Really Matters, But Kimbo Slice Will Be Boxing Brian Green on Saturday

(Props: crazycnote13)

After Kimbo Slice‘s scheduled boxing match against Mike Glenn fell through when Glenn didn’t send him the fight-footage he required — a rather unique thing for a fighter to have in his contract, but whatever — promoter Wes Slay has found a replacement opponent to throw them bungalows against the Miami Pound Machine tomorrow night. Slice will now be facing off against Brian Green, a middleweight MMA fighter with a record of 27-17. All of Green’s 27 victories have come by stoppage, with 22 by submission, which is completely irrelevant since this will be a boxing match. From what I can tell, Green doesn’t have any pro boxing experience, certainly not against guys who outweigh him by 40-50 pounds.

The match will go down Saturday evening at the “Fight Night Returns” MMA/boxing card at the O’Reilly Family Event Center in Springfield, Missouri. Assuming you have better things to do than watch the press-conference video above, we’ll break down the highlights for you:

0:08-0:12: I guarantee you that the white-haired old lady was only there for the free coffee at Reliable Chevrolet, and probably jumped out of her seat when Kimbo emerged from the back.

1:57-2:28: According to Slay, Brian Green is “one of the top, elite MMA fighters in all the world,” with a “winning record against fighters currently in the UFC.” Okay, this is kind of funny. Slay is technically correct, in that Green is 1-0 against active UFC fighters, with a 2006 armbar win over Nik Lentz. Against fighters who used to be in the UFC, he’s a somewhat-less-impressive 0-8, with losses to Brock Larson, Chad Reiner, Joe Vedepo, Paul Georgieff, Crafton Wallace, Rob Kimmons, Rory Markham, and Nick Thompson.

3:05-3:24: Kimbo sends out a tweet — “stuck n missuri surrounded by white ppl FML”

4:14-4:35: Brian Green compares himself to David (of David & Goliath fame). Does that mean he gets to bring a slingshot to the ring? Because otherwise, he’s fucked.

4:52-5:29: The Half Pint Brawlers are introduced to the crowd. An excited lady near the camera yells “Heck yeah! Yeah! Oh God, YEAH!” Nobody loves midgets more than that lady.

6:12-6:29: Kimbo Slice addresses the crowd with “Sup, Springfield.” And that’s it — that’s the extent of his verbal commitment for this press conference. “A man of few words,” deadpans Wes Slay.

After a 20-minute autograph signing, Kimbo left to go eat lunch, breaking the hearts of dozens of children. Don’t turn your back on Springfield, Ferg. That town will make you, and it can break you.

Cagepotato Comments

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MMA fan since 99- March 23, 2012 at 4:56 pm
LoL, today I posted on a picture, turned out to be Kimbo's trainer, didn't know it, and posted my thoughts about Kimbo and his career. His trainer then said him and Kimbo want to kick my ass and I would have no chance. I agree, I'm not a pro-fighter, let alone an amateur fighter, and have no interest in fighting anyone. Can't a person have an opinion...hey CagePotato...wanna stick up for the little guy here???
MuayThai316- May 10, 2012 at 6:23 am
Depends on your comment. If your opinion included being a typical arm chair warrior sitting behind his keyboard disrespecting someone when you yourself have never had the balls to do what they do than yeah you dont need stuck up for. Does anyone go to your office who you do not know and talk shit hating on your career.
Alan K- March 24, 2012 at 12:42 pm
Dude, if you can survive the first two minutes, Kimbo will completely gas and fall over you should be good to go. You gots this.
MMA fan since 99- March 26, 2012 at 10:49 pm
I agree, I thought it was awesome this article got posted the afternoon that this all happened, I actually sent the article to the trainer, he then blocked me, haha! Stupid dumb fucks, maybe I should put his profile on blast, lol...
spicy- March 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm
What Slay doesnt mention is that Glenn DID give him video of his MMA fights, but Kimbo wanted boxing footage. This is Glenns first boxing match, so there is no footage. Kimbo called off the fight, till Wed, then said hed take it. Glenn told him to shove it.
J. Spaceman- March 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Not gonna lie. I'm a little disappointed you used a phrase like "Miami Pound Machine" without following it up with a Dakota Cochrane joke.
Adolf_Hitler- March 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm
fuckin stupid bitch ass motherfuckin bitch ass bitchez
Goog- March 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm
The midgets were pumped up until they added Kimbo and turned the card into a total joke. And Wes didn't know his microphone was on when he seriously asked the guy beside him "What can we say about Kimbo Slice?"
The12ozCurls- March 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Holy Shit! This clip is one bearded lady away from a full blown freak show.