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Not This Sh*t Again: XARM Resurfaces After Three Year Absence

Have you ever been watching an MMA fight and found yourself thinking, “Yeah, this is cool and all, but I wonder what it would be like if these dudes were strapped to a cocktail table and had zero training”? Well, today is your lucky day. Freshly resurrected from the MMA graveyard is “XARM”.

XARM is the brainchild of Art Davie, one of the the UFC’s original co-founders. In its first incarnation, XARM nearly usurped MMA as the next “evolution of combat sports” before abruptly calling it quits, but now the ‘extreme arm wrestling’ league has returned and is poised to take over once again.

Amazingly, they’ve found backing by experienced television producers. reports that Endomol USA—responsible for such high brow projects as “Big Brother,” “Deal or No Deal,” “Fear Factor,”, and “Wipeout”–will hope to parlay their international influence to make XARM a household name in countless languages.

The promotion is planning to launch an online game and is boasting to have injected an incredible amount of new technology into the sport (spoiler: the cocktail tables are made of pure tungsten). They can add whatever in-table cameras and carbon fiber tethers they want, at the end of the day calling this a sport is a ridiculously liberal use of the word. Two guys tied down just feet from one another with restricted movement and no choice but to swing for the fences? Who would want that?

While I am looking forward to XARM dying a very public second death, I must admit that there is one MMA rematch I’d pay to see under their banner before it falls. Are there any others?

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ArmFarmer- October 3, 2011 at 6:01 am
Guy just looks like a complete fucktard, sitting there with his stupid ass hat. Thanks for clarifying what duct tape is by the way asshole. I hope this leaves him in financial ruin and we never hear from him again.
ArmFarmer- October 3, 2011 at 5:57 am
Wait, it's not pronounced zarm? At work, gotta mute the vids...
I wish this "sport" wasn't associated to ufc.
Goog- October 3, 2011 at 4:35 am
Has anybody else been pronouncing it "Zarm" in their head for three years until watching that video?

Oh. Just me?
MediumRare- October 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Stupid as shit, but I'd watch it.
Violence doesn't need to make sense.
That reminds me, I haven't watched my Felony Fights vids in a while...
Zescape- October 2, 2011 at 1:15 pm
RwilsonR: That was funny as shit.

XARM seems like it should have been in the movie Idiocracy.
Kimbos Bread- October 2, 2011 at 10:46 am
I was hoping to see someone eat a lighted cigar or chug a pint of engine oil.
RwilsonR- October 1, 2011 at 11:41 pm
This is just crying out for a modern day remake of "Over The Top". Sylvester Stallone could be the old master who trains one of Will Smith's children in XARM.
RwilsonR- October 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm
Stupid Art Davie. Everyone knows ambojitsu is the ultimate evolution in the martial arts.
LivingDedMan- October 1, 2011 at 9:02 pm
I watched this shit. It's so stupid, and I don't say that about too much. I'm pretty tolerant when it comes to what entertains people, but this garbage is unbelievable.
Todd M- October 1, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Hardcore matches please, give them both a hatchet
djp1988- October 1, 2011 at 6:22 pm
Art fucking Davie. God damnit.
dolo1313- October 1, 2011 at 6:08 pm
I actually enjoyed slamball. I thought it was decent. Im just waiting for one of these guys to have his arm snapped and ripped apart because its taped to some other moron. Sadly, i will be watching for this alone whilst doing a shot everytime someone says its a sport. Xarm, please take gus johnson and segal with you. Speaking of segal, can the mma community please ban him.
Motivated Penn- October 1, 2011 at 5:49 pm
XARM, apparently, is slated for Olympic sport inclusion in 2016, Rio de Janeiro. Shit will be off the hook, son.
TheCanadian- October 1, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Tungsten. Pure class.
GistoftheFist- October 1, 2011 at 2:54 pm
They should have them down a shot of booze between each punch.
Bighouse- October 1, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Holy shit I think I'm now hooked on the dumbest sport ever. This reminds me, whatever happened to Slamball??
Tai-Pan- October 1, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Fuck, I can't believe I've been reading CP for over three years. On that note I can't wait to see how Xarm ups their game this time, maybe chain them down and have them fight to the death, that would be nice.
FaH Q NL15- October 1, 2011 at 2:37 pm
evolotion= evolutionary hand lotion. Its fuckin nice