(I have no joke prepared. I simply wanted another opportunity to remind you that this was a thing that happened.)
Desperate times call for desperate measures, Nation. And since the ratings for The Ultimate Fighter are nose-diving faster than Charlie Sheen into a silica sandbox, old Dana White has had to step up his obligatory pre-TUF hype a notch. You might recall this from last season’s TUF: Smashes, which Dana declared to be the “CRAZIEST SEASON OF TUF EVER!!!!” in the weeks leading up to it; a claim that — although we cannot refute — we are going to go right ahead and call bullshit on.
So perhaps you should take his recent bit of insider info regarding The Ultimate Fighter 17 with a grain (or a 10-pound bag) of salt. The Baldfather recently told MMAFighting that there is apparently one contestant on the upcoming season so dangerous, so terrifying, that he is “scaring the shit out of” his fellow contestants:
I know you guys are going to call bulls— on me and all that (Ed note: Well, at least he’s honest.). I told you guys, last season of The Ultimate Fighter was the worst season in the history of TUF (Again, props DW). This next season is so awesome and so badass. We have a guy on this season of The Ultimate Fighter, every fight he’s in, someone goes to the hospital.
The whole house is terrified of this guy. F– terrified. Everybody. I picked this fight, and this guy is lined up with the guy I’m telling you about, and the guy has a nervous breakdown in the house over the weekend. Has a f– nervous breakdown. Freaks out and has a nervous breakdown. This guy scared the living s— out of everyone. It’s awesome.
That’s right, TUF has officially fallen so far that Dana is hyping the episodes where the fights don’t even happen because one of the fighters is too scared. Next week, Pacey and Jen share a kiss at the barnyard dance and Jesse hilariously struggles with a pill addiction.
Now, we’re not going to get into whether or not Dana should find it “awesome” that these fighters are being sent to the hospital on a regular basis. We’re not even going to discuss how sad it is that the president of the UFC would rather trot out this same dog and pony show each year instead of putting Old Yeller down once and for all. Instead, we’d rather like to speculate about the supposed injuries these fighters are being hospitalized with. Based on recent events, we’re going to go with the following: wet locker room floor, salmonella, and of course, air hockey table accident. We swear to God, that last one has a mind of its own and it hates British people.
The list of TUF 17 contestants has yet to be released, but we’ll make sure to keep you updated as details are made available. Until then, we’ll continue to slap a pair of ballroom shoes on this turd and call it a princess.