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Oh for F*ck’s Sake: Jacob Volkmann Gave Himself a New Nickname, and It’s Terrible.


This image is a rare example of both foreshadowing the news and your reaction to it.

Giving yourself a nickname is one of the lamest things you can do, and MMA fighters are some of the most notable offenders. Perhaps I’m just a tad bit jaded from constantly seeing guys calling themselves “The Iceman” or “Hollywood” making their amateur MMA debuts, but I firmly believe that a nickname is something you have to earn. Face it, not everyone deserves the honor of being The White Mamba.

Which is all to say that I was already rolling my eyes at Jacob Volkmann when he announced during yesterday’s WSOF 3: pre-fight media call that he had changed his nickname. Even if he came up with something decent, I wouldn’t have liked his nickname – which is good because what he came up with is terrible.

The man you once knew as Jacob “Christmas” Volkmann would now like you to call him…

Jacob “Dr. Feelgood” Volkmann.

In fairness to Volkmann, I thought of a few reasons why this nickname actually makes sense:

- I actually look forward to Christmas, so he couldn’t keep calling himself that.

- Despite their reputation off-stage, Motley Crue’s music was pretty weak. Volkmann’s zero wins by knockout and eight decision victories stay true to this.

- The only people who still consider Motley Crue edgy are ultra-conservative Republicans.

I was about to make a similar list to argue why it’s an incredibly lame nickname, but come on, do I really need to explain that?

@SethFalvo

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slugsvomit- June 10, 2013 at 7:32 am
Hey Alycia, tell them how your mom made 10 dollars on the street corner blowing homeless men.
Alycia- June 10, 2013 at 3:39 am
my roomate's step-sister makes $85 an hour on the laptop. She has been fired for eight months but last month her pay was $19793 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Read more on this web site ======Grand4.com=====
masterbaitntackle- June 8, 2013 at 7:05 am
Jacob "Obamacare" Volkmann....
The12ozCurls- June 8, 2013 at 12:24 am
Lots 0' drunkenness going on tonight. My kind 0' folks!
NinjaVanish- June 7, 2013 at 10:19 pm
Volkmann is actually a pretty cool guy. He's changed his name, I'm assuming, because he is a chiropractor.
Mr_Misanthropy- June 7, 2013 at 10:14 pm
@ hey Zeus

Yeah, they're on the menu right by the Beef Curtain Triple Slam and Moons Over My Anus.
Jesus Frijoles- June 7, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Can you get twatwaffles at Denny's?
Mr_Misanthropy- June 7, 2013 at 7:58 pm
Jacob "I wear really stupid t-shirts with stupid unentertaining slogans on them in public places as a desperate cry for help" Volkman
algiersheadkick504- June 7, 2013 at 4:40 pm
Dr feelgood aka mwzc
Get Off Me- June 7, 2013 at 4:17 pm
Wasn't Dr.Feelgood about a drug dealer...should it not be Josh "Dr.Feelgood" Rosenthal instead.
algiersheadkick504- June 7, 2013 at 4:12 pm
Jacob "the politician" volkman
2DaDeath- June 7, 2013 at 4:10 pm
Jacob "The Big Snooze" Volkman
angry little feet- June 7, 2013 at 4:07 pm
Jacob "twatwaffle" Volkmann
dillsapldorf- June 7, 2013 at 5:15 pm
lmfao!!!!! got my vote
crappiefloper- June 7, 2013 at 3:38 pm
Jacob "sopping wet douchbag" volkmann
IronClad- June 7, 2013 at 3:38 pm
You're looking forward to a fight between wacky weird man shorts Beerbohm and Volkmann? You must be extremely bored...like really really really bored.
WampaStompa- June 7, 2013 at 3:31 pm
Volkmann is ridiculous, but I'm actually really looking forward to his fight with Beerbohm
The12ozCurls- June 7, 2013 at 3:28 pm
John Candy as Ox:
"They should've called him the dork!"
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