(Don Frye doesn’t offer mustache rides. He merely takes applications and approves or denies them based on merit, need, and whether or not you are a gross fat chick.)

As much as we’ve been enjoying all the back and forth about who will and who won’t fight Fedor next weekend, it just seemed as though it hadn’t gotten quite absurd enough yet.  And then Don Frye chimed in:

"If Tom (Atencio) was smart, he’d have me fighting Fedor instead of whoever he’s hiring on a one week notice.  My phone works if he wants a real fight with someone who sell a fight in four days, somebody who will beat that bald-headed commie too. …He ain’t seen anything I have to offer.  He built his whole reputation (as a) waffle house chef. They’ve been serving him up ham and eggs with a side of canned tomatoes. I’ll bring it. And if he can bring it, you’ll have the best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet."

I’m sorry, bald-headed commie?  Waffle house chef?  Best fight you’ve ever seen on the planet?  And that’s just off the top of his head, people.  Imagine what he could do with a week to prepare some material and really build momentum.

So is there any chance at all that Frye will get this fight?  None, but it doesn’t matter, just like it doesn’t matter that nothing he says has any basis in reality (though he does essentially make the same case against Fedor that Dana White did). 

Don Frye is like your racist, sexist, xenophobic grandfather.  You know he’s going to say something during Thanksgiving dinner that will make everyone, especially your cousin who brought the foreign exchange student he’s dating, extremely uncomfortable.  But damned if he doesn’t liven up the otherwise dull affair.  For instance, here’s Don making the case against denying Josh Barnett a license to fight simply because he tested positive for some silly old steroids:

"Look at what the hell is going on in California with their athletic commission. What a bunch of amateurs. You know, I mean, they’re suspending Josh Barnett for taking a drug, you know, and he can be making the state a million dollars by fighting. But they’re going to suspend his ass when they’re five billion dollars in debt. Where’s the sense in that? You know, that’s insane. That’s how goofy we’ve gotten.

“I mean, did they give everyone a drug test at the Michael Jackson memorial show? That was paid by the city of LA. This guy’s making the state a million dollars minimum, and they’re suspending him, yet you have all these illegal aliens coming across sucking money out of the country. We cow tow to them."

Did Don just attempt to connect the issues of drug-testing for professional athletes to the public cost of the Michael Jackson memorial and also to illegal immigration?  You bet he did.  Does it make any sense at all?  Absolutely not.  Do we care?  Nope, because that’s how insane it is.  If you even begin to point out the logical problems and internal inconsistencies with his line of reasoning, you’ve already wasted your time.  All you can do is enjoy it.

Thank you, Don Frye.  You’re a true hero for our troubled times.