sloths funny photos album covers
Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

The Ohio Athletic Commission Rescues Us From the Tyranny of Sylvia/Sims II


(This matchup was briefly considered as a replacement bout until Sims was deemed ‘non-competitive’ after it was revealed that the guy in the sweatshirt had taken six weeks of jiu-jitsu classes a few years back.)

As much as we hate government intrusion into the private lives of citizens – particularly those citizens among us who just want to date that cute sixteen year-old chick with the glasses who works at the movie theater without those arbitrary ‘age of consent’ laws getting in the way – but there are times when it’s obviously necessary, such as in the case of the completely unnecessary Tim Sylvia vs. Wes Sims rematch. The Ohio Athletic Commission, in its infinite wisdom, has decided not to sanction the bout for the March 20 Adrenaline event in Youngstown, on the grounds that “the fight was not going to be competitive at this time.”

That’s right. Tim Sylvia, who got knocked out by Ray Mercer last year, can’t fight Sims, who “sucks” too much to even get in the same cage with "The Maine-iac." Forget the one-sided loss to Bobby Lashley and his attempts to sell Kimbo Slice‘s skull cap from TUF 10, now Sims has officially hit bottom.

Not that we’re complaining, mind you. Whatever prevents this fight from bringing the overall integrity of the sport down with it, whether it’s an act of God or a heavy-handed athletic commission, we’re all for it. Now let’s see what the Ohio commission can do about those age of consent laws.

Cagepotato Comments

Showing 1-25 of comments

comments
Sort by : Show hidden comments
rlh61- February 18, 2010 at 5:19 am
My mistake...I thought the translation was: "No, your other left".
onemorepunchfujita- February 17, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Tattoo translation: Close to punch.
rpn452- February 17, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Jeeves,
The world is far too complicated to align yourself with either of only two sets of ideologies. I've never met another person with whom I share an identical set of political, philosophical, and sociological beliefs. I don't believe that such a person exists.

I'm glad this fight isn't happening. There was no reason for it.
mma samurai- February 17, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Yes Virginia there is a God!!!!
ghostboner- February 17, 2010 at 2:53 pm
@FightZen - Ha ha ha nice! Tranny+vomit+Sylvia is always funny. Always.
ghostboner- February 17, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Isn't the age of consent in Oregon 16? I could swear someone told me that it was.
AussieJosh- February 17, 2010 at 1:44 pm
I hate those age of consent laws!
Bloodlust- February 17, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Someone from tna rasslin needs to sign this fool to a contract. He'd fit right in with the greasiness of scott hall and six pac. Plus once Lashley returns, he'd be a great feud for him.
fleming16- February 17, 2010 at 1:26 pm
It's close Ben,

Ohio

As per Wikipedia:

The age of consent in Ohio is 16 as specified by Section 2907.04 of Ohio legislation. However there exists a close in age exception where an offender can be charged only if 18 years of age or older. However in that case, it is possible for both minors to be charged as "unruly" if brought to court {§ 2151.022}.

2907.04 Unlawful sexual conduct with minor.

(A) No person who is eighteen years of age or older shall engage in sexual conduct with another, who is not the spouse of the offender, when the offender knows the other person is thirteen years of age or older but less than sixteen years of age, or the offender is reckless in that regard. {§ 2907.04}.

Viva Hate- February 17, 2010 at 1:07 pm
All the talk of politics and government intrusion has me asking one question: Where is Jeff Monson right now?
PurplePickle- February 17, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Good thing Couture/Coleman wasn't in Ohio. The OAC being all prescient and shit. Seriously, how the fuck can you compare embarrassing losses to Lashley and Mercer and not determine that these two are evenly matched? Is one of them an amputee now and I completly missed it?

And nothing that I have seen posted On CP would lead me to believe that there is a revulsion by the authors to goverment intrusion , so I will take that line to be sarcasm.
manutdfan- February 17, 2010 at 12:18 pm
You ever think maybe it was Timmah who was the sucky fighter deemed to shitty to fight Wes?
rlh61- February 17, 2010 at 11:29 am
Well, all I can say is the nurses in the maternity ward are going to have hell keeping these two from going at it...

Someone needs to photoshop what Tim Sylvia's and Wes Sims' babies would look like.
Viva Hate- February 17, 2010 at 11:24 am
While I agree with the decision, the reasoning doesn’t make sense to me. The fight seems like it would be completely competitive to me, two guys on the same skill level.
Suck VS. Suck is competitive to me, boring but competitive.
FightZen- February 17, 2010 at 11:22 am
At first I thought it said, "...rescues us from the tranny of Sylvia/Sims 2."

Then I started thinking about who would make an uglier tranny.

Then I threw up.
parchy mcthirst- February 17, 2010 at 11:17 am
Perhaps there is a way to salvage this disaster to have both Sylvia and Sims perform and make a few measly dollars. Adrenaline should have them come out and dance to "I'm Fat" by Weird Al Yankovic. It's a win-win for everybody
agentsmith- February 17, 2010 at 11:16 am
Maybe I have too much faith in Wes Sims, but I fail to see how he's not considered a legit opponent but Branden Lee Hinkle is.
T-Spark- February 17, 2010 at 11:05 am
sucks for Sylvia, not surprisingly tho; he´s had a lot of issues with getting his fights sanctioned, and Monte Cox ain´t exactly helping lol
The train wreck that is Tim "Beaverbeard" Sylvia just doesn´t want to clean up, in fact
it´s like watching a derailed train roll down an embankment towards the edge of a cliff.
BrandonTheTruth- February 17, 2010 at 11:04 am
poor writing
skeletor- February 17, 2010 at 10:51 am
If he's so much better then Sims, SF needs to sign him to fight Lashley. That should accurately gauge the difference in there skill levels.
Jeeves- February 17, 2010 at 10:49 am
That’s right. Tim Sylvia, who got knocked out by Ray Mercer last year, can’t fight Sims because he “sucks” too much to even get in the same cage with "The Maine-iac."



....wait. So, Tim Sylvia can't fight "The Maine-iac?"
El Famous Burrito- February 17, 2010 at 10:47 am
Read The Potato Manifesto.

Then all things will make sense.
steampunk22- February 17, 2010 at 10:45 am
Fat and fatter.
Jeeves- February 17, 2010 at 10:43 am
CagePotato's political stance continues to confuse me. One minute ripping on conservatives, the next denouncing government intrusion into the private lives of citizens.
skeletor- February 17, 2010 at 10:41 am
I'm surprised Sylvia didn't injury himself running to the computer, trying to show the world (or the few people who follow his twitter account) that he is legitimate. Fuck both these guys, Brandon Lee Hinkle is going to fuck Sylvia up!
CagePotatoMMA