When I was a kid it was considered something of an accomplishment to have beaten “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!” on Nintendo. Then one day the kid who probably should have been in special classes beat it and brought in a Polaroid of the final screen as proof. Years later he would start a wildfire that destroyed several homes and we never saw him again, but that’s not the point. The point is, the pool jump is now to the sporting world what beating “Punch Out!” was to my elementary school. Not that Jake Rosholt isn’t a fantastic athlete – he obviously is – but he’s also a kind of goofy-looking white guy who manages to make even the backwards pool jump look somehow unimpressive. I don’t know how he does it.
Like the first time your dad referred to something as “the bomb,” the Jake Rosholt Pool Jump is the undeniable sign that pool jumps are no longer cool. Time to move on to some other essentially pointless display of athleticism. How about jumping out of a pool, through a hoop of fire, and into a different pool, all without spilling your drink. You can’t tell me that there’s not some NBA player out there who’s bored with the off-season and looking for a way to kill an afternoon.