(UFC 9, "Motor City Madness," 5/17/96)

Just for the hell of it, join us as we jump in our MMA time machine and travel back to an era when gloves (and wrestling shoes) were optional in the UFC, and grabbing everything from the fence to the shorts and knee pads of your opponent was hardly even discouraged, much less outlawed. This was an exciting showdown between UFC 8 tournament winner Don Frye and Amaury Bitetti, the self-proclaimed “jiu-jitsu fighter of the world.”

Things that are awesome in this video, in chronological order:

1:45: A fresh-faced young Frye clearly reads off a script as he explains that he’s returning to defend his title, adding (after looking off-screen at a cue card), “There can be only one.”

2:35: Bitetti, who at 5’9” and 185 pounds would be a middleweight by today’s standards, is introduced as having a record of 150-1.

3:24: Don Frye’s shorts.

4:07: The first of many strikes to the back of Bitetti’s head by Frye.

5:10: One intrepid announcer declares, while Frye and Bitetti struggle in the clinch, “There’s not a lot of technique when they’re inside like this.”

5:44: The first of many downward elbow strikes to the spine by Frye.

7:45: The crowd finally gets a decent “USA!” chant going.

9:48: “Big” John McCarthy pauses the action to take a look at Bitetti’s face, which is beginning to resemble a nice piece of pounded veal.

11:03: A vicious downward elbow to the back of Bitetti’s head has one announcer a little troubled. “Oh, oh, back of the head,” he says. Note that he’s not complaining about the strike, but just pointing it out.

12:56: McCarthy stops it for the second time. The ringside doctor asks Bitetti how he feels and can’t quite understand the Brazilian’s answer. For the record, it was simply, “More.” Don’t even waste your time asking if that dude wants to be a fucking fighter.

14:30: Frye puts both feet on the fence for what we’re going to go ahead and dub the Superman position.

15:16: At last, the fight is stopped. McCarthy immediately drags both exhausted men to the center of the Octagon to declare Frye the winner.

17:24: This quote pretty much sums everything up: “Frye said that the wolf climbing the mountain is hungrier, but for the wolf at the top of the hill, the food is always there.” Then we find out that Frye has been getting free pizza at his local Pizza Hut.

19:28: Frye closes by thanking his "large brother Craig," who taught him to take a punch by beating him "like a red-headed stepchild" when they were kids. Good looking out, Craig.

19:58: Announcer Jeff Blatnick tells Frye, "You’re a class act, Dan."