Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Old Spice, Chevy, and Six More Corporate Sponsors That Should Tap Into MMA

Company: Jimmy John’s
Ideal Involvement: Submission of the Night

Why it makes sense: Since Brock Lesnar‘s departure, Jimmy John’s has been absent in the MMA world. This is a shame for all gourmet sammich lovers. The ‘Submission of the Night’ will no longer be presented by TapouT; instead it’ll replaced by Jimmy John’s with the “Subs so fast you’ll freak” tagline. It may seem a little cheesy, but who doesn’t like cheese on their sub?

Company: Listerine
Ideal fighter to sponsor: Lyoto Machida

Why it makes sense: Remember that thing I said about brand association? The same is true of word association. When you see a picture of “The Dragon,” you immediately think, “That guy drinks his own urine!” At the suggestion of Chael Sonnen on UFC Today, Lyoto buys himself a bottle of Listerine to freshen his breath after his morning constitutional. Listerine, not being one to walk away from cash on the table, inks a deal with Machida. The deal consists of a new commercial, a sticker on his shorts and banner, and a vlog leading up to his fight showing him using the product. Next thing you know, thousands of kids from strip mall dojos are out tossing Listerine in their parents shopping cart.

Seriously though, Listerine has sponsored garlic festivals in years gone by and it’s time they launch a major campaign promoting the mouth rinse’s effectiveness at eliminating bad breath. In such a bleak economy, people are cutting corners at every turn. Sadly, parent company Johnson & Johnson’s consumer products sales fell by 2.4% in the first quarter of the year. To keep the stockholders happy, they should consider helping Machida cleanse his mouth if they want to revitalize their earnings.

Company: UPS
Ideal fighter to sponsor: Travis Browne

Why it makes sense: The Heavyweight division is top-heavy and it’s only getting stronger as undefeated contender Travis Browne continues to deliver right on time. UPS is the gold standard for parcel delivery around the world, but they could use help of the MMA community to keep them there. I’ve been told FedEx has gained market share for 54 straight quarters. UPS would be wise to associate itself with a rising star, one that can make a statement in the division. At this stage in the game, “Hapa” is only another win or two before he gets a shot at the gold. Of his 13 professional bouts, 9 have come by way of knockout and two by submission. Exciting fighters tend to have a greater following on social media, which lends itself to contests and giveaways that could endear his followers with the gigantic shipping corporation. Lastly, the play on words at the end of every interview and post-fight speech is perfect: What can Browne do for you?

Company: Dos Equis
Ideal fighter to sponsor: Chael P. Sonnen

Why it makes sense: The gangster from West Linn, Oregon already is The Most Interesting Man in the World. Is there really anything left to say?

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Cagepotato Comments

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fhfdhfd- August 18, 2012 at 6:55 am
Share a website with you ,
( )
Believe you will love it.
credit card and f ree s hipping.
I bought two pairs. Cheap, good quality, you can go and ship with there
ctastrophe- August 17, 2012 at 7:49 pm
I guess it's not enough for CP to have a ton of ads on the sides of their articles; They now have to have a ton of ads IN their articles. =/
RwilsonR- August 17, 2012 at 9:00 am
Fucking 'no spacing allowed'! Just blends everything you write together.
RwilsonR- August 16, 2012 at 9:13 pm
Josh Koscheck - Frosted Flakes
Rampage - Listerine
Matt Hamill - Beats by Dre
Cris Cyborg - Viagra
Randy Couture - Flomax
Anthony Johnson - Crisco
Matt Hughes - Chick Fil-A
Michael Bisping - Massengill
Kobi123- August 20, 2012 at 8:53 am
the only thing i would have Rampage advertise is Cold Showers, with the way he's been humping reporters
blakebork- August 16, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Mayhem's gonna have a corporate deal with Prozac
algiersheadkick504- August 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm
how about roy nelson sponsored by little debbie snack cakes or rampage sponsored by a rape crsis center
Mr_Misanthropy- August 16, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Hilarious article! It appears like you pirated about 85% of it from a comments section on a different article that was posted about two weeks ago! Good job!
Grandmas Nutmeg- August 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I say remove Overeem, no real man beats up a bike with an oversized mallet, or a female reporter. Only to turn around and be foiled by a specimin cup.

Throw Trojan condoms to Rousey, because you know if you got her pregnant she'd beat the shit out of you for 9 months and then when she went back to work, the kid would start kicking your ass like it was The Omen.
ReX13- August 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm
What, no Corn Nuts for groin shots?
As Good As Anyone- August 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Jon Jones for Ketel One.
Fletch the V Stretch- August 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm
This was an absolute great write up Jason. I think all of your assessments for companies and fighters is perfectly spot on and well writtem. Give this guy a fake CP t-shirt.
Mood- August 16, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Kongo's a walking advertisement for any compression cup manufacturer.
OnlyHuman- August 16, 2012 at 10:48 am
Dodge beat Chevy to the punch. Flyweight title fight is already sponsored by Dodge Dart.
Stak40- August 16, 2012 at 10:33 am
FYI You have burger king as the sponsor and you reference a burger from Wendy's. Not that i give a fuck!
Stak40- August 16, 2012 at 10:41 am
...and don't you ever associate that punk bitch with the most interesting man in the world again.
joelforsyth- August 16, 2012 at 10:03 am
Lunesta... genius.