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Pantydroppers of the Week: Jeremy Jackson, Mike Whitehead, and Joe Son

(Not actually a) Guest post by GalsGuidetoMMA.com

JEREMY JACKSON

Beth’s View

Doability – I’ve never gone for the “Would have probably been a Nazi if he grew up in 1930s Germany” look, but there’s something about Jeremy that gets my tangas in a twist. I know, I know, the barbed wire bicep tat should be a deal-breaker. Still, those piercing blue eyes. The look on his face that says, “I would throw away every good opportunity, and even my freedom, just for a chance to ravage your body.” Wow. Feel my goosebumps.
Perceived Skills – BB gun shooting, jealous rages
Pet Name – Aryan Da’Hendersons
Imagined Dream Date – I have this fantasy where I’m a lifeguard at a local pool in Nevada. Jeremy comes in with his pack of bros. We lock eyes. He does a few long, slow laps. The butterfly stroke — my favorite. We exchange numbers during adult swim. He doesn’t call. Instead, he just shows up at my bedroom window that night. He’s shirtless and out of breath. I let him in the front door, and he collapses into my arms. He’s vulnerable, like a child, in the body of a man. “It’s okay, honey,” I say. “You’re home now.”
Long Term Relationship Potential – High, but I know it would end badly. It always does with the passionate ones.
Panty Dropper Rating – 4 – Worth the Wax.

MIKE WHITEHEAD

Donna’s View

Doability – I tend to go for skinny, pretty-boy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt-types, so I generally wouldn’t give a guy like Mike a second look. Maybe if I had just broken up with a skinny pretty-boy and I wanted to get back at him, then yeah, I’d find his polar opposite, which would be somebody like Mike Whitehead. His doability would be directly proportional to how many Coors Lights I had consumed that day.
Perceived Skills – Outdoor grilling, taking care of drunk party guests
Pet Name – Mr. Sketchy
Imagined Dream Date – We have friends in common, so I go over to his place one afternoon for a barbecue. He tells me his three secrets for grilling ribs, which he whispers into my ear, very softly. After we eat, he tells me he has something to show me. He leads me to his basement, and it’s filled with rows of marijuana plants. They’re just so beautiful. “Holy crap, Mike,” I say. “Isn’t this illegal?” He smiles at me, and plucks off a perfect, fuzzy little bud. “Smell this,” he says. I don’t remember what happens next. Or maybe I do remember, but I try my hardest to suppress that particular memory.
Long Term Relationship Potential – Very low. This guy has “one night stand” written all over him.
Panty Dropper Rating – 3 – Eh, why not?

JOE SON

Beth’s View

Doability – We took this picture off Lil’ Joey’s Match.com profile. I have two suggestions for him: 1) It wouldn’t kill you to smile. 2) A collared shirt would have been a better choice. You want to make it seem like you’re clean and gainfully employed, not like you just finished masturbating to Yo Gabba Gabba.
Perceived Skills – Taking punches to the balls, throwing shoes at Mike Meyers
Pet Name – Turd
Imagined Dream Date – I’m out with my dog, looking at Christmas lights. He comes by and asks me for directions. I give him the directions. He walks away, and I never see this fucking creep ever again.
Long Term Relationship Potential – Zero. Joe’s what me and Donna call a “double-panter” — one pair of pants tied around your eyes so you can’t see him, and another tied around his eyes in case yours falls off.
Panty Dropper Rating – 1 – Not even with yours.

Cagepotato Comments

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JCVD as Timecop- April 4, 2011 at 9:43 am
I thought it was funny, but I'm not a serious-faced fucking neckbeard who thinks that MMA blogs are here to cater to my every whim.
Good riddance, kids.
Blackleg- April 3, 2011 at 3:56 pm
The fuck...
OneMorePunchFujita- April 1, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Also, you clowns still owe me a Cage Potato shirt for winning a caption contest. Either mail me it when the new writers are fired or with "Sucks" next to it. BURN.
OneMorePunchFujita- April 1, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Yeah, I'm also done. The frequent updates aren't enough to cancel out the unfunny jokes and terrible garage like this.
DailyMMA- April 1, 2011 at 5:33 pm
I've been visiting CP every day for years and have noticed you guys going steadily downhill ever since Ben Fowlkes left. I still enjoy most of the articles on here, but you just dropped the last straw.

I'm sure I speak for many people the won't bother posting to let you know about it, but this post is the reason I'm deleting my bookmarks and going to MMA Fighting from this point on.

Such a shame. You guys used to be the best MMA site online. Now you think it's a good idea and somehow funny to trivialize rape, highlight rapists, and draw attention to three criminals that cast a horrible light on MMA.

What happened to you?

Thanks for being a great site, when you used to be a great site.

See you later.
Misfit29er- April 1, 2011 at 12:05 pm
@k-onda hahahaha! I'm vegetarian, maybe Fitch will make an exception?! Hardy can be like Michael J Fox...he shook his way into our hearts years ago.
rogerw- April 1, 2011 at 11:56 am
I laughed.
Clyde- April 1, 2011 at 11:38 am
A wise man once said, "as a rapist you've pretty much got your pick of the ladies". The exception being Cris Santos.
darciesdaddy- April 1, 2011 at 10:15 am
I've been too scared to masterbate to Yo Gabba Gabba since I found out that Moono bites. The 'Don't Bite Your Friends' tune couldn't bring me back.
cecils_pupils- April 1, 2011 at 10:15 am
rape is the new 1st base
k-onda- April 1, 2011 at 10:09 am
@Misfit29er, you know GSP is gay right? And Fitch only has sex with vegetables, and you better hurry up on Hardy, he's just a couple more fights from early onset parkinsons.
k-onda- April 1, 2011 at 10:04 am
I totally spat my beer all over the screen when I read "just finished masturbating to Yo Gabba Gabba!"
OMG, that's me!
keepyahguessing- April 1, 2011 at 9:53 am
must be annoying to "blog" from the kitchen all the time
FeelDaRiddum- April 1, 2011 at 9:22 am
wtf is this? burrito is speaking the truth... now give me a turkey sandwich on wheat light on the mustard or ill back hand you.
Kellenavalanche- April 1, 2011 at 9:14 am
This was the funniest story that I have read on here in over 6 months.
Dinksmack- April 1, 2011 at 8:54 am
More of this
dim mak- April 1, 2011 at 8:40 am
i thought it was pretty funny--if i had panties, i'd drop them for beth &/or donna, assuming they're actual ladies and not the usual sweaty 15 year old boys that write for CP.
radiobaby- April 1, 2011 at 8:38 am
I seriously can't figure out why CP gets banned from major events and doesn't get credentials with hilarious and insightful articles such as this one about rape.
jimbonics- April 1, 2011 at 8:37 am
Christ on a Crutch!
keepyahguessing- April 1, 2011 at 8:28 am
Who do i email to get those 3 mintues of my life back i just wasted?
SocraticMethod- April 1, 2011 at 8:13 am
I never thought I'd read a rape joke I didn't LOL at, but you managed to produce three in a row.
Dan The Viking- April 1, 2011 at 8:04 am
Burrito ftw.
On white no crusts.
Misfit29er- April 1, 2011 at 7:59 am
I'm pretty sure its an April Fools joke, because who in thier right mind would bang these dudes?! I wouldn't even give them the courtesy of holding thier Fleshlights. Give me GSP, Dan Hardy or Jon Fitch and then we'd have something to talk about! haha :)
Anhonestmoose- April 1, 2011 at 7:56 am
I get it, cuz they're all rapists...
intercept440- April 1, 2011 at 7:42 am
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