It’s official: Satoshi Ishii is a dead man walking. Don’t call it a comeback, but Fedor Emelianenko was spotted on his return flight home from Holland donning none other than the Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory, or as MMA Mania calls it, The Ultimate Sweater of Destruction. I’m not going to lie to you, Potato Nation, I had to paste that name directly from their article, because as I tried to type it, it was as if some otherworldly force took over my body, choked me within an inch of my life, and then forced me to smash the ice cream cone I was eating into my face. Weird.
The sweater, which was retired amidst an undercover attempt by the Russian government to assassinate “The Last Emperor” and use its powers to bring on a new Ice Age, has been the sole factor in Emelianenko’s recent three fight skid, which saw him submitted by Fabricio Werdum before being TKO’ed by Antonio Silva and Dan Henderson. After a recent, secret shift in the Russian power paradigm, Emelianenko told CagePotato in an exclusive and possibly fake interview that he feels safe to wear the sweater again, and looks forward to going on another 30 fight win streak that will culminate in a “two man enter, one man leaves” match against Dan Severn.
As we all know, Emelianenko is set to face the former Olympic Gold Medalist on New Year’s Eve in Japan. And as per usual, Fedor was nothing but respectful when discussing his upcoming opponent:
I consider Ishii to be a serious opponent; he’s a very strong guy and great wrestler. Plus it’s clear that he is able to utilize his best characteristics in the fight. I will have to adapt, I’ll have to see how Ishii will be moving around the ring during the fight, what will he offer me, and what will I be able to showcase myself. It will all depend on the situation in the ring.
Well one thing’s for sure, “God’s will” just got a hell of a lot stronger with the return of the GSoAV. So suck it, you cynics; there is simply nothing stopping Fedor’s inevitable return to glory, and it is only a matter of time until we refer to him as “The Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Champion of the World Colon Wicked Awesome Emperor Backslash The Real People’s Champ.com” You can call it fanboyism, but we’re calling it fact.