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[PHOTO] Yes, This Thing Really Is the Rampage Jackson-Endorsed Reebok Sneaker

No, the above image is not something that was drawn up by a 7 year-old Japanese schoolboy in between classes, nor is it Dr. Scholl’s experiment gone awry involving a rubber factory and an army of millipedes. The utterly ridiculous mishmash of trampoline springs and synthetic leather pictured above is actually the Rampage Jackson-endorsed Reebok shoe responsible for Page’s latest tantrum aimed at the UFC. I cannot emphasize enough that I am not joking here. On a Rampage-Jackson-alternative-business-venture scale of “Rampage Punch” to “Now shake it, *you* shake it, I wanna see that ass butt-naked,“ I give it a solid “Transsexual rape video.” No, I will not go into further detail.

Set to hit the shelves on February 1st, the only thing more outlandish than the look of this thing is the 140 dollars it will cost you to pick up a pair. For one third of that price, I will gladly push you down a flight of stairs, trip you in a crowd, or use whatever method you prefer to achieve the sprained ankle you will inevitably suffer while wearing these moon shoes. Jackson says that the design was inspired by all terrain vehicles, but could someone please explain to me what sport or everyday activity these things could possibly be useful for? Or what group of people Reebok is trying to promote with these? Unless competitive hopscotching troglodytes are a huge undiscovered market that has just been waiting to be tapped into, I expect that these things will be filling the bargain bins at Reebok stores nationwide by Christmas. Anyone disagree?

Then again, the existence of Movie 43 (and the millions of dollars it will likely make this weekend. Just watch.) proves that we as a society are still not capable of distinguishing good products from terrible ones, so I guess we should just start preparing ourselves for the herds of wobbly-legged wankers who will be stumbling onto subways across the country donning these beauties.

So how many of you Taters will be camping out in line for a chance to own a pair of Page’s signature kicks? Get it? Kicks?! Because he never throws any?

I don’t get paid enough for this golden material.

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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mma4ever- January 27, 2013 at 2:18 pm
No they only come witha a pink slip.
wem420- January 25, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Nice i like it
dipsetkilla316- January 25, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Damn fried taco I almost had a Heart attack reading ur post I thought rampage was really out.
Kimbo Lesnar- January 25, 2013 at 5:48 pm
I've seen uglier AND more uncomfortable looking shoes. They were also made by Reebok.
dipsetkilla316- January 25, 2013 at 5:48 pm
Damn those are some sexy shoes.
mma4ever- January 25, 2013 at 5:38 pm
These are gonna be the most shit on shoes.
mma4ever- January 25, 2013 at 5:34 pm
There therapeutic. Good for your back. Made from the same science as the mars landing gear. Get them while there hot cause they cant do this deal forever.
Mr_Misanthropy- January 25, 2013 at 4:27 pm
These shoes would be way better if they came shrink wrapped in photo realistic decals of Rampage's likeness, just like the sides of the truck he tried to run from police in.
teep- January 25, 2013 at 4:10 pm
I knew he was color blind, I just knew it! The real question is: How do they smell?
El Famous Burrito- January 25, 2013 at 4:08 pm
It looks like a damn Bumble Ball
crappiefloper- January 25, 2013 at 3:16 pm
These are actually marketed to paraplegics.
Cuase they don't walk! Stupid fuckers!
mma4ever- January 25, 2013 at 2:29 pm
I bet the box they came in would look better on my feet. Glover do us a favor bra.
dranokills- January 25, 2013 at 2:29 pm
If your feet hurt as bad as mine you would give anything a try once.....just ask that Cambodian hooker........nevermind.
Fried Taco- January 25, 2013 at 2:28 pm
Oh crap, Rampage is out of the fight. He hurt himself walking out for the weigh-in because he was wearing these stupid shoes.
SethF- January 25, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Stupid women spend so much money for high-heels that they can't even walk in, AMIRIGHT?

*puts on these $140 abortions*
*Immediately falls on face*
Mr_Misanthropy- January 25, 2013 at 1:41 pm
If we can get a mechanically actuated catapult spring with pop out roller wheels and blinking led lights on each one of those semi-phallic protrusions I'm in.

Better put an inflatable air bladder in the sole just to be safe.
Alan K- January 25, 2013 at 1:41 pm
You would think that Rampage would endorse a pair of shoes that you can actually stand in without getting put on your ass if you take too many steps or just stand completely still and flat footed for more than a minute. Damn bitch ass wrestlers.
anderson wanderlei paulo thiago alves silva- January 25, 2013 at 1:40 pm
Looks like those stds are wearing shoes
The12ozCurls- January 25, 2013 at 1:32 pm
It is probably a better idea to steal the shoes off a recently deceased leprosy patient and sport those around town than be seen wearing zapatos with suction cups on them.
The12ozCurls- January 25, 2013 at 1:26 pm
I would rather wear shoes made out of dead kittens than put those ugly fuckers on my stank feet.