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Pointless Beef of the Week: Rampage Jackson vs. Chael Sonnen

(Hello Quinton, Areva Mookjai here with the Thailand Lady-Boy Observer, I was just wondering if…wow, you go right after it, don’t you?)

We almost feel silly reporting on this, being that there is no way in hell this quarrel will actually be settled in the near future, but just in case you haven’t heard, Quinton Jackson and Chael Sonnen are apparently not a fan of one another, you guys. If you recall, during our thrilling interview with Page a couple of months ago, Jackson stated that he thought Sonnen was “a fool” and was tired of people asking him questions about the former middleweight title challenger on Twitter.

This is where we’d normally say something like, “Time has a way of healing all wounds,” but then of course, we wouldn’t be talking about Rampage Jackson, a man who seemingly has a gripe with everyone and everything from American fans to the UFC to driving down the correct side of a freeway. During a brief interview with, Jackson aired out his dirty laundry in regards to Sonnen, claiming that he should “leave the UFC because that’s what he said he was going to do if he lost.” Also, “F*ck Chael.” While the former remark could be passed off as a simple criticism, the latter not so much:

Being the charismatic and media-savvy guy that he is, Chael took to his old post on FUEL TV’s UFC Tonight to issue a response. Wasting little time, Sonnen went with the time tested, “Why don’t you stick to *list prior faults of subject at hand*” defense. It was rather effective if you ask us.

Chael’s response begins at the 40 second mark, where, after patting himself on the back a little, Sonnen actually tries to take the high road, stating:

To keep it professional, my answer would simply be, listen, Rampage has one fight left and it’s not against me.

And if you had never heard of Chael Sonnen before, you would likely think that this would be the end of it. But you know better than that, Potato Nation. Sonnen is rarely professional when he has a camera in his face (in fact, he’s often delusional), and the day that he sits idly by and lets someone lob insults at him without returning fire will be the day that CagePotato receives UFC press credentials. The man is a master of emotional manipulation, and would undoubtedly be the undisputed champion of Yo Momma if that show were still around.

Matter of fact, if you pause the video at the 51 second mark, you can almost see the inner workings of Sonnen’s mind preparing a comeback. Gears are turning, data is being collected, schematics are be constructed — it’s like poetry, really. And with a simple “Now,” Sonnen makes The Switch, not unlike Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top, and unleashes the following:

Now, had you asked me in the streets, in my kingdom, amongst my people, while I’m not wearing the suit and I don’t have the earpiece, and I’m in my sponsor’s t-shirt, my answer might have been different. I’d have probably said ‘Hey Rampage, why don’t you stick to violating female reporters, making box office disasters, and driving the wrong way down the freeway while you’re jacked up on Mountain Dew. Because you ‘Page are not on my level.’ But you didn’t ask me outside, you asked me inside so let’s keep it professional. I don’t wanna get that message out there.

Notice how Sonnen turns to camera 1 to deliver his direct message to Page, as if an alternate persona is stepping in to do his dirty work. Brilliant. But perhaps less than brilliant would be claiming that a former UFC champion, a real former champion, is not “on your level.” Then again, us trying to tell Sonnen how to spit game would be like Sonnen trying to tell us how to defend a triangle choke, so we’ll just thank him for more or less giving us a shout out with the whole “violating female reporters” nod and leave it at that.

Like we said, the fact that these two will never come to blows takes a significant amount of steam out of this potential rivalry, if not all of it. But we’d be nowhere if it wasn’t for needless speculation, which is why we ask unto you:

Given a fight between Sonnen and Page were to take place nowadays, and at a catchweight of 195 lbs, who takes it and how?

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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Mr_Misanthropy- July 19, 2012 at 1:53 am
Is that Dertpak Prolapsia from the Lady-boy Observer?
Mr_Misanthropy- July 19, 2012 at 1:51 am
Page clips Sonnen with a the right hook at 00:46. Bwweeeeepp.
holeeball- July 18, 2012 at 7:10 pm
I'm with Jackson. Fuck Chael testosterone challenged cunt punter motherfucker.
SquidInk- July 18, 2012 at 3:20 pm
I'd love for them to make this happen at 205. Chael would shut him up quickly. I'd suggest a catchweight over 205, but Hampage can't make the cut.
Crow42- July 18, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Page will lose easy via sonnen huggs LOL
Seriously page from pride would destroy Sonnen , but this is page from the Ufc. U know the type who worries more bout movies and outside revenue then the cage. If this fights really happen 3 things would happen
3-no body would get knocked out
2-it would be more boring then all of John Fitch fights combine
1-Sonnen would win playing it safe against s senior citizen
Clyde- July 18, 2012 at 2:00 pm
If Sonnen isn't professional at the trash talking game, then none of us can ever claim to be professionals at anything.

Assuming for a minute that Rampage decided to stick around and fight Chael, it's not like Rampage is known for his triangle but he does have pretty good takedown defence against most people. 195 is not an option for Rampage without losing a limb but at 205 he'd probably be able to stay standing against Chael.
Fried Taco- July 18, 2012 at 1:24 pm
newdeal is a graduate of the Fried Taco first commenter course. money well spent!
Kim Couture is a cunt- July 18, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Why is Rampage picking fights when he is running away with his tail betwteen his legs.....I thought he hated keyboard warriors...kinda the same thing....fuck that guy.
RSparrow- July 18, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I didnt even hear anything because I was so focused on wanting to punch the reporter in the face.
The_Dead_Cow- July 18, 2012 at 12:22 pm
@195lbs, Page would lose to the scale.
agentsmith- July 18, 2012 at 11:28 am
Sonnen wins via jonfitchination, how else?
BEAM- July 18, 2012 at 10:55 am
Easily the two most entertaining guys outside of the cage. As for inside of the cage, doubt I'd even bother to download it.
newdeal- July 18, 2012 at 10:46 am
No speed reading needed I just skipped the article and read the quotes lol
beef_kurtains- July 18, 2012 at 10:38 am
Uh, sonnen by complete wrestling destruction.
ArmFarmer- July 18, 2012 at 10:25 am
Page isn't on his level imo.. not anymore anyway. Rampage hasn't looked any good in a long time. Chael would blanket him for an easy UD.
amsterdamheavy- July 18, 2012 at 10:21 am
Damn, page lookin fat. Oh, and at this point, Im pretty sure even Chael could beat Rampage. Make the fight at 205.
noizy- July 18, 2012 at 10:03 am
Interim 195lbs championship at UFC 149. Make it happen. Would spruce up that card.
newdeal- July 18, 2012 at 9:57 am
Sonnen takes it with Baders gameplan but Page wont take the fight