MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

The Potato Index: Affliction Aftermath


(The t-shirt with short shorts hidden underneath is not a good look for anyone, I don’t care who you are.  Photo courtesy of NBC Sports.)

There was a lot to love and hate about Affliction’s second effort, from the free undercard on HDNet to the painfully moronic antics of  Scott Ferrall and Chuck Zito.  We’ve been crunching the numbers on every aspect of the event since it ended on Saturday night, and here’s what we came up with.

Fedor Emelianenko +312

The tough part about being Fedor is that it’s hard to do anything too impressive at this point.  Just winning isn’t enough.  As if sensing this, he went ahead and finished a top five heavyweight with a one-punch KO in the first round.  Now that’s sufficiently impressive.

Andrei Arlovski  -43

Let’s be honest: right up until he began feeling too good about himself and leapt into unconsciousness, Arlovski looked good.  His striking was sharp and accurate and fast, and he was using his reach well.  For about three minutes, he seemed like the better fighter.  And then…

Josh Barnett +30

Great, he pounded on a guy with no ground game for three rounds until said guy decided to quit.  Big deal.  This is exactly why this was a bad fight for Barnett.  There’s nothing for him to gain at this point by beating a guy like Yvel.  At least it clears the way for a fight with Fedor.  Assuming Affliction can hang around that long.

Gilbert Yvel -11

We didn’t expect much, and he didn’t give us much.  It’s been a while since we’ve seen anyone try to punch their way out of the mount.  Too bad it only works in the Pride video game.  At least he didn’t do anything illegal.  

Affliction announcers -225

Articulate and insightful aren’t adjectives we’d use to describe Tito Ortiz, and yet there he is on the broadcasting team, stammering through commentary and post-fight interviews.  Add in the Moron Twins: Chuck Zito and Scott Ferall, and you have all the professionalism we’d expect of a show on Queens Public Access.  Give me Bas and Kenny Rice, give me Frank Trigg, but please, no more Ferrall and Zito.  Ever.

Renato “Babalu” Sobral +81

A quality win to prove he’s still a top competitor at light heavyweight.  A fight with Tito would be legitimately interesting, if Affliction can afford it, but even if they can’t Sobral has effectively used this platform to up his status after his excommunication from the UFC.  Whatever happens after this, he should land on his feet.

Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou -112

We both said it in our pre-fight predictions: Sokoudjou starts fast and then quits when things aren’t going his way.  Sobral’s submissions skills are genuine, but that wasn’t the tightest choke in MMA history and yet Sokoudjou tapped in a hurry after kindly lying still long enough for Sobral to cinch it up.  Athleticism and raw ability aren’t a question for “The African Assassin,” but when is he going to show us some heart?

Vitor Belfort +90

Could it be that the old Vitor, “The Phenom” with ferocious hand speed and devastating punching power, is really back?  He wasn’t in the ring long enough for us to really find out, but that little flash of his former brilliance was encouraging.  

Matt Lindland -72

Is “The Law” getting too old for this shit?  Did he just get caught, as they say?  It’s debatable, but stretched out and twitching isn’t where we thought we’d see him in the first round.  At least it didn’t result in any serious damage.  For a moment or two there he sure had us worried.

Paul Buentello +63

When did Buentello develop this killer jab?  Maybe he was helped by the inexperience of his opponent, but Paul looked like a gritty, technically-sound heavyweight on Saturday night.  Our financial advice to him: put that big payday in a CD or something.  You aren’t likely to get many more like that.

Kiril “Baby Fedor” Sidellnikov -39

He’s still just a kid, but the only real Fedor-like qualities we saw were his physique.  With a little more seasoning and maybe a drop to light heavyweight, perhaps he could do something.  Chalk this one up as a learning experience.

Vladimir Matyushenko -87

“The Janitor” apparently thinks of himself as a striker these days, which is a huge mistake.  It’s good to see his skill-set filling out, but did learning something new push all the old wrestling knowledge out of his brain forever?

Antonio Rogerio Nogueira +83

He’s definitely the sharper of the Nogueira brothers of late, and who ever thought we’d see that day?  He’s a solid contender in Affliction’s 205-pound division, which may be their most interesting class when Fedor finally cleans out all the heavyweights.

Dan Lauzon +40

It’s easy to call someone a faker when your own testicles are far from the action.  He hung in there and earned the submission win, all in the longest first round ever.  He deserves some respect.

Affliction production value -75

The cheesy graphics, the halting flow of the broadcast, the in-ring photo op after the main event, complete with M-1’s Jerry Millen carrying on in the background like he’d just won the Super Bowl, it all serves to remind you that they haven’t done this for very long.  Someone please explain to me how “Arlovski 360” has higher production values than a pay-per-view event.

Cagepotato Comments

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Applebottom Fur Kicks- January 26, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Tito....burrito......Chuck Zito.....taquito......neato.
War Fedor- January 26, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I couldn't agree more. And the last groin shot was BS. Would love to see more of the guy.
band23- January 26, 2009 at 4:35 pm
"ok fedor i push keek and zen ven i jump un dee air you punch me out of sky like skud missile."


please let andrei fight fedor again.
love it that someone goes 3 minutes with fedor and we have a new champion.

Kellenavalanche- January 26, 2009 at 4:35 pm
I don't get it. All these herbs taking about if arlovski kept up with his game plan he would have won this fight. Nope!!!!!!!!!!! He lost getting boxed out in the first. If you seriously think that he had a chance at a decision victory you need me to bite you in the balls ( no Hetero ). Fedor beat him standing. In the second it would have been even worse, get real, chug beers. The third would never happen. If barnett gets this chance it will be interesting. I was chuggin them beers. Don't remembe any fights going to cecil so it was cool with me. 69
CJ- January 26, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Bobby Green looked awesome. Reminded me of Crazy Horse, but even better. I look forward to seeing him fight some more, we definitely haven't seen the last of him.
Anonymous- January 26, 2009 at 3:10 pm
everyone get off AA's nuts. fedor ate him alive.
Snowman- January 26, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Where did Porky Pig find such an authentic Fedor costume?
Canadian hoser- January 26, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Sorry but you only get one chance to beat fedor, if you can't do it the first time you are screwed. He doesn't fight that many times a year to get a rematch.
Tyler- January 26, 2009 at 1:45 pm
JPFighter, Arlovski would have won the fight hands down if he continued his striking game. Really? Are you fucking nuts it was a five round fight and he was knocked the fuck out after the three minute mark in the first fucking round. Even if Fedor hadn't connected with that overhand right at that point Arlovski still had two more minutes in the first and four more rounds to go and survive. Fedor was remaining calm and waiting for Arlovski to make a mistake and Andre did midway through the first round no way was he going to last five rounds just pumping his jab and using leg kicks without Fedor putting him away.
Arlovski didn't expose shit in this fight other than his below average chin.
JPFighter- January 26, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Based on Arvlovski's control of the first three minutes, and Fedor's clear lackluster response, Andrei got too confident in attempting the flying knee. Had Andrei continued with his striking game, focusing on low kicks and straight punches, he would have won that fight. Hands down. I would love to see Arvloski back in the ring with Fedor, quickly. But Affliction probably won't set up a rematch, given the fact that Fedor is their golden-boy. So, they will try to get a few more matches out of Fedor by handing him to lesser competition. Barnett is not the right fighter to beat Fedor, his style will not put him at an advantage. Frankly, the Barnett fight is a waste of time, as he is a perfect opponent for Fedor. Clearly Arlovski's style (minus the stupid a$$ flying knee), speed, and athleticism is what exposes Fedor. The only fighters I am interested in seeing fight Fedor are Arvloski, Lesnar, and Overeem. And the only guy that is in Affliction is Arlovski. And M-1 won't ever let their Russian meal ticket fight in the UFC. So, who knows, maybe we'll see a rematch, and if we do, I would feel strongly that the outcome would be different.
Mr Parrot- January 26, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Freakin' Arlovski
Anonymous- January 26, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Tito Ortiz -?
Tyler- January 26, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Why Tito and Zito? Because they're fucking great anonymous asshole!
Scott Ferrall is who needs to go.
Dmonicideals- January 26, 2009 at 12:17 pm
stuttering john would have been a marked improvement over frog-man.
Anonymous- January 26, 2009 at 12:17 pm
affliction production value is definitely garbage. Why Tito? why Zito? come on.
Armbreaker- January 26, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I hope Cage Potato will give us some pay-per-view numbers for this event as soon as possible.
Anonymous- January 26, 2009 at 11:56 am
one of my faviorite titoism's. " You are truly one of the greatest light heavyweights on the card" to Babalu
Clue-by-Four- January 26, 2009 at 11:45 am
Ortiz, Zito and Ferrall are the Larry, Darryl and Darryl of MMA broadcasting. Please god, kill them all.
Tyler- January 26, 2009 at 11:44 am
This moron has taking to many blows to the head himself he doesn't know what the fuck is going on anymore.
He's a fucking space cadet. Next time someone asks him a question about Fedor they should make sure the guy isn't off in another dimension before he answers.
B- January 26, 2009 at 11:39 am
I seriously thought Zito was some wiseguy following around Roach before he started asking questions. That guy has definitely choked somebody to death before. Perhaps Scott Ferrall from the sound of it.
Neal Taflinger- January 26, 2009 at 11:30 am
"He was winning until he lost" is the just about the dumbest fight analysis ever.
mistassmo- January 26, 2009 at 11:21 am
Did anyone else catch Tito's comment about a fighter being better back in the day when he was only 131 years old?
Me- January 26, 2009 at 11:15 am
+62 for the "King". I thought he did very well especially on such short notice against a guy who has been doing this for quite a bit longer. Yes, it was brought particularly hard against Ms. Lauzon's former scrote, but that's all part of the well established "hood" art which is a branch of the Bas Rutten School of Streetfighting.

Jugger- January 26, 2009 at 11:12 am
Buentello is under-rated. He always brings it. Unfortunately, he looks like the guy who stocks Pepsi at my neighborhood Wal-Mart, and he always says retarded stuff like, "Don't fear me, fear the consequences... *crickets*" (remember that!?! LOL)

Other than his flash KO loss to Arlovski, I've always enjoyed watching him fight. I'd like to see him show up on other cards throughout the year.
MMANewbExpert- January 26, 2009 at 11:05 am
I think you guys are way too harsh on the announce team. Trust me, I'm sick of Tito as much as the next guy and his post-fight interviews were crap, but his announcing was fine. He didn't say anything totally stupid like Bill Goldberg, and he actually has some credibility unlike Joe Rogan who can only talk about the rubber guard.

The rest of the team was just ok. Nothing horrible in a "let's make fun of them because they were so bad" kind of way.

Now, Kenny is the best play by play guy and Bas is the best color guy out there, and I would never say otherwise. But try to get over your high school level "I don't like this person so for everything they do I'm going to pick apart everything they do that doesn't absolutely blow me away, while ignoring the good stuff".

The announce team during the fights was fine and the fights were solid. Try to be at least mildly objective. It's ok. Nobody will hurt you.
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