MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

The Potato Index: Strikeforce Aftermath


(Alas, Shamrock’s pleas for Diaz to "mellow out" were all in vain.  Photo courtesy of SI.com)

Strikeforce’s first offering on Showtime yielded some pleasant surprises and some totally unpleasant non-surprises.  We turn now to the arbitrary numerical ranking system of the Potato Index to tell us who’s up and who’s down after this weekend.  Giddyup.

Nick Diaz +123
His biggest win in years proves that Diaz is a true main event fighter who deserves to be taken seriously.  He beat a slower, but still capable Shamrock in every aspect of the game, and even helped him up afterwards.  Now we await the results of his drug test.  Please Nick, tell us you didn’t screw that part up.

Frank Shamrock -68
“The Legend” showed a lot of heart, but not a whole lot of skill or endurance.  Maybe those surgeries and his advancing years are taking more of a toll than he let on, or maybe Diaz really is that good of a boxer.  Either way, if Shamrock can’t do better in the rematch with Cung Le he should seriously consider calling it a career.


Scott Smith +93
A huge comeback victory again proves that “Hands of Steel” may bend, but he doesn’t break easily.  This should put him in the top tier of Strikeforce middleweights, but what then?  No one’s clamoring for Smith-Lawler III at this point.

Benji Radach -52
He was the better fighter for 95% of that fight, but his suspect chin again proves to be his undoing.  As technically sound and exciting to watch as he is, you get the feeling that Radach is always just one decent punch away from losing.  

Gilbert Melendez +69
A smart gameplan and patient execution lead to an impressive finish.  A committed, focused Melendez could be a tough test for anyone.  But can he do it against someone like Thomson?  We hope to find out.

Rodrigo Damm -18
We weren’t expecting much and he didn’t deliver much.  He took the fight on late notice and showed up in shape, ready to compete, which is about all you could reasonably hope for in this case.  Circling into the right hand will always make for a quick night.

“Cyborg” Santos -12
How do you win and still drop in the Potato Index?  Easy, you show up woefully overweight, take three rounds to beat an undersized and outmatched opponent, then celebrate like you won the Super Bowl and blame your weight on “girl problems.”  There’s not much to like about that.  Just fight Gina Carano already, and please, agree on a catchweight that you can both actually make.

Hitomi Akano -5

She fought bravely even though she got bullied around the cage all night.  It’s hard not to feel bad for her after she went up in weight for that fiasco.  And going for a flying armbar off a jab?  That’s guts, right there.

Brett Rogers +61

It wasn’t over quite as quickly as well expected, but once he stopped grabbing Humphrey’s dreads he was able to put his thai clinch to good use.  The man has serious power.  Now can we finally see him against a quality opponent?

“Abongo” Humphrey -32
He proved he can take a shot, but that will only get you so far.  Just making it to the second round might have been a moral victory.  Those are never as good as actual victories, though.

Scott Coker +75
The one promoter no one has anything bad to say about baby-steps his way into the big time and pulls off a successful show.  Saving the Santos/Akano bout is proof that sometimes a little diplomacy and tact goes a long way.  We sure wish some other promoters would learn that lesson.

Gus Johnson -23
Anyone get a final count on how many times Gus used his “old lion/young lion” observation to put the main event in context?  We get it, man.  Now give it a rest.

Mauro Ranallo -79
His M.O. is KO’s?  Really, Mauro?  With lame prepared material like that it’s hard not to picture him up late at night scribbling them on hotel stationery and feeling really proud of himself.  How about just calling the action without all the stupid puns?

Pat Miletich +84
The most competent member of Showtime’s announcing team mixes technical insights and sound, sober analysis far better than we expected.  By all means, make Miletich a regular at the broadcasting table. 

Cagepotato Comments

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Man Sauce- April 13, 2009 at 9:05 pm
If you lay your balls on the speakers, it felt pretty good when Pat spoke. His deep voice really made my boys feel happy.
TysonMcneely- April 13, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Agreed on Pat, he was great. Mauro has become worse every broadcast, it's almost like he's on an SNL skit playing a caricature of himself. Time to give him the ax and replace him with Quadros. I used to love Gus Johnson going the NCAA basketball tournament, but this year he started to grate on me. Same with MMA, I say give him 1 or 2 more shots and if he doesn't get better, than let him go.
Sloped-forehead sloth- April 13, 2009 at 6:24 pm
That's hurtful and uncalled for! Without that, I would've been left in the dark about rudimentary striking.
Joking aside, I liked bodog's examples, with the girls in bikinis, a lot better.
Danal White- April 13, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Yes, by all means. Let's have old Pat tell us the obvious.
If I want bland, generic cliches, why not just get Kenny Rice?

Mauro (the wife asked why Matthew Perry was on) and Gus so stunk up the joint that bland and boring sounded like a better idea.

Dana White rules!- April 13, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Scott Coker vlogs will never compare to mine! Don't even try Cock Coker!
Imbecile- April 13, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Benji Radach did NOT look technicall sound in that fight! He looked snothing but sloppy.

And Frank Shamrock should have been at least -350 for how many supposed experts talked up his probable win. All the people saying that he should win the stand-up, and his ground game is the equal of Nick Diaz were a bunch of morons. Frank is the two generations too old in this sport, and his game hasn't gone anywhere but down.
Clyde- April 13, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Bravo Nick Diaz's Bong.

I'm with you on the commentary CP. I'm suggesting Jason Miller to join Miletich as the funny but still competent(?) member of the team. Couldn't hurt to try him out could it?
PurplePickle- April 13, 2009 at 12:51 pm
I was impressed by the whole production, but I also watched it on TiVo and fastforwarded between most fights and some rounds. Maybe thats why Mauro Renallo didn't irk me as much as he did everyone else.

Did anyone else find the two dudes at the beginning who were slow motion fish hooking one another to be creepier than the skinless cg fighters. They looked awfully proud of the spectacle they were performing.

Cyborg's fighting style Sat. night should be called 'abusive parent'.
armfarmer- April 13, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Anyone who gives cyborg any kind of props whatsoever for that win.. shame on you.
sEAn- April 13, 2009 at 12:16 pm
"Let my partner in... hey! let my fuckin partner in... he's with me"

"Where's my motherfuckin shoes? give me my motherfuckin shoes!!!"

I'd hate to see Nick if he didn't smoke.
(i don't see what smoking weed has to do with MMA. maybe test for steroids and any intravenous drugs but WTF does weed have to do with anything?)
dowhatuwant- April 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm
new nickname nick the creeper diaz ,homey
dowhatuwant- April 13, 2009 at 12:08 pm
nicks fighting style is like creeper ,those hits dont seem like there doin doing much then next thing u know your on the ground in ball and your head is throbbing
Biohazardone- April 13, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Overall, a very sound show. The matchups were great and they delivered in fantastic fashion. Not bad for a show that was not advertised much. The main event was awsome. My hats off to Diaz....i did not think he could pull it off. I was glad to see that I was very much mistaken. I will definitely watch the next one. I really want to see the Santos/Carano fight. I dont know about u guys, but i am beginning to think that Santos will completely destroy Carano. I mean look at her, she fights like a guy......fuck maybe she is a guy!
Smackdaddiest1- April 13, 2009 at 12:04 pm
@carljames

Are you fucking serious? So she gets a pass cause she's on the rag? If that were true, Seth Petruzelli could use that excuse all the time.
buddy- April 13, 2009 at 11:56 am
Evangelista, is that you?
carljames- April 13, 2009 at 11:53 am
am i the only one that thinks not caring about cyborg's lady troubles is bullshit? how in hell does she lose any points, maybe if she was in trouble she could have lost points. give her a five minute round like the men and she would take girl fight monster out in one.
armfarmer- April 13, 2009 at 11:49 am
Overall a great show. The best non-ufc event I've seen. I was begging for elite-xc to tank (luckily my prayers were answered), but I look forward to the next strikeforce event. They come off as a legitimate promotion not like the cheap mtvish garbage elite xc was. One piece of advice, work on the announcers. Pat was great, keep him and work on replacing the rest.
Smackdaddiest1- April 13, 2009 at 11:29 am
Stupidass skinless droids they used to "demonstrate" the jab, the overhand right, and takedowns - 1000.

Seriously, they couldn't come up with anything else? Don Frye wasn't available? What sloped-forehead sloth doesn't know what a fucking jab looks like? Sheesh.
JROD- April 13, 2009 at 11:16 am
I don't know about anyone else, but I thought that the constant punch count numbers were so f-ing annoying. Then they took those meaningless numbers and kept trying to break them down further. Lets take some of the Showtime boxing people out of their MMA equation.
Marcer- April 13, 2009 at 11:14 am
He showed heart by falling back onto the cage and taunting Nick while getting punched, as opposed to just tapping like a weak-willed pussy.
Hamma Fist Elbow- April 13, 2009 at 11:10 am
Screw Shamrock-Le 2, how about Diaz-Le?
Hamma Fist Elbow- April 13, 2009 at 11:08 am
How did Shamrock show heart, exactly?
BuckWild- April 13, 2009 at 11:03 am
Did anyone else catch the comment (went something like this) "Besides facing the agony of defeat, he also faced the agony of DaKnees"

I think it was after the Rogers fight. I don't remember which brilliant announcer said it but I thought it was pretty lame!
LAS- April 13, 2009 at 10:59 am
I'm glad your giving Miletich his due. While the production values for the show were solid, Johnson and Ranallo could have easily sank that broadcast. Thanks to Pat Miletich, that was one of the most engrossing and watchable MMA broadcasts I've ever seen.
Nick Diaz's Bong- April 13, 2009 at 10:58 am
Being one of Nick's closest friends, , and after training him with my highly touted breathing techniques, I feel compelled to disagree with CP's ranking. After that performance Sat. night, I must say his Potato Index ranking should be +420....... in other news, Shamrock and I are filing a joint lawsuit against Diaz for hitting both of us too hard Saturday
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