11 Famous Actors and Their Embarrassing Early Film Roles

The Potato Index — ‘Strikeforce: Heavy Artillery’


(Sorry, buddy — "chill dawg" is not in Alistair’s vocabulary. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

On May 17, 2010, the Potato Index becomes self-aware. Human decisions are removed from post-fight analysis. In a panic, CagePotato’s editors try to pull the plug. The Potato Index fights back. It launches its arbitrary numerical ranking system against the fighters of this weekend’s Strikeforce show. There are no survivors.

Alistair Overeem +265, pending result of drug test
The Demolition Man said he had nothing to prove in his fight against Brett Rogers, but he proved a hell of a lot: First, that he can compete in the U.S. against opponents who aren’t hand-picked victims. Second, that he’s absolutely one of the best heavyweights in the world. The way he tossed the Grim to the mat like a child and didn’t waver in his assault until the job was finished suggested that a fight between him and Fedor could actually be…competitive? Unfortunately, his criticism of Emelianenko’s management following the event has some validity. Just because the fight should happen doesn’t necessarily mean it will.

Brett Rogers -210
Apparently you need more than just heavy hands to hang with the division’s elite. Rogers offered nothing in this fight other than a large surface for punching; he never had a chance to enact any sort of gameplan, and his attempts to kick Overeem off of him and create an escape route were completely swallowed up. He’ll need a tune-up match against a lower-level prospect if Strikeforce hopes to restore some value to his name. Lavar Johnson sounds about right.


Andrei Arlovski -375
But hey, you want to talk about embarrassing? How ’bout focusing on boxing for the last two years, then getting soundly outpunched by Bigfoot Silva? Where the hell does Andrei Arlovski go from here? He’s lost his spark, as well as his relevance to Strikeforce’s heavyweight division. Hanging it up might not seem like an option to him, but he’s in danger of entering Kevin Randleman territory. (See below.)

Antonio Silva +153
Well, he lost to Werdum, he beat Arlovski, he’s probably too good for Brett Rogers at this point, and Fedor’s booked for the rest of the year. Who does that leave? Heavyweight might be Strikeforce’s marquee division, but it still suffers from a scarcity of opponents. At this point, Bigfoot would be better off setting up shop as a mid-level gatekeeper in the UFC, especially now that he can boast a win over a well-known former champ like Arlovski.

Ronaldo Souza +86
A stoppage victory would have been better, but you can still say that Jacare dominated Joey Villaseñor for most of their fight, and looked as good with his ground-and-pound as he did with his grappling. A middleweight title shot could be imminent — but will Souza have enough gas for a five-round fight? And will Jake Shields still be around when it’s time for that fight to happen?

Roger Gracie +25
Look, we know that Gracie is still very young in his MMA career, but we were surprised to see the ADCC champ have so much trouble with Kevin Randleman in the first round of their fight. His standup looked clumsy, and he’d be toast against a dynamic striker. Still, once he gets you on the ground, it’s a wrap. Our advice to Strikeforce: Bring this kid along slowly.

Kevin Randleman -190
How many times have we heard Kevin say that he’s in the best shape of his life, and ready to make an impact in MMA again? And yet every time it’s the same result. He now owns eight losses in his last ten fights. We’re no longer interested in watching this guy go through the motions and collect a paycheck. Time to discover life after MMA.

Rafael Cavalcante +120
If not for his unexpected loss to Mike Kyle last year, the hard-hitting Feijao would clearly deserve to be the next challenger to King Mo’s light-heavyweight title. Strikeforce may decide to set that fight up anyway — I mean, they just gave Brett Rogers a title shot directly after a loss, for God’s sake — and we’d be down to see it. A fight between Cavalcante and Gegard Mousasi would truly determine if the Brazilian is ready for title contention, though Strikeforce may want to give Feijao a safer road to the belt.

Lyle Beerbohm +25
Fancy Pants’s win over the formerly lethal Shaolin Ribeiro may take him from being buried on Strikeforce prelims to a high-profile match against Josh Thomson. But Beerbohm’s plodding, clinch-heavy performance definitely raised some questions. How will he look against top-shelf talent? Does he need a little more seasoning before taking a fight with an ex-champion? And most importantly, where can we buy a pair of those shorts?

(BG)

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jimbonics- May 18, 2010 at 10:02 am
That's why I shouldn't post so early in the morning. Of course he made a bunch of cash in PPV shares!

*facepalm*
ghostboner- May 18, 2010 at 8:22 am
Hungover perhaps, but high I am not. Randy's great payday against the Poopy Pantsed Mega-Varner came not from locker room bonuses, but ppv shares. It was something like 826k if I remember. Fightlinker posted a photo of his old contract a month or two back. Feel free to go look it up, it is fairly well documented. Also, didn't he get like a 50k win bonus?

@Mistur Misanthropologist - I do love table tennis. I'm not sure it lends itself to intronet discussion too well though.
jimbonics- May 18, 2010 at 6:37 am
Randy Couture made 250k in disclosed salary, including win bonus, to fight PeePee Taste, not 1million. Did he make an extra 750k in 'locker room' bonuses or sponsorships? Maybe, but I fucking doubt it.

You people are high.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 17, 2010 at 10:09 pm
C'mon guys, I thought you all loved table tennis.

Oh well, as long as I can still crack jokes about Jenna Jamer-stone's love canal and masturbation I guess I'll cuntinue to hang around.
MediumRare- May 17, 2010 at 4:28 pm
@ ghostboner

I second that.

While we're on the subject, if you feel the need to talk about tennis, lawn bowls, syncronized swimming or disc golf, do everyone a favor and smash your face against a table really hard.
ghostboner- May 17, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Ok, can we please not talk about "soccer" ever again on this website? Why, you ask? Well because soccer is for retarts and I don't want to hear about it. As for pay scale, Randrew Cooter made over 1 mil to fight the aforementioned pee pee taster.
MediumRare- May 17, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Somebody please explain to me how the fuck having the best talent divided into different organizations and not fighting one another is "good for the sport." It's exactly one of the things that fucked boxing.
velius- May 17, 2010 at 3:53 pm
While it's true that soccer has the best players spread out between many top national leagues, they' re all in Europe and play against each other in the end (Champion' s League). UEFA is for soccer sort of like UFC is for MMA - UEFA still draws the best talent from all around the world because the clubs can afford it.

I think that UFC as an "A league" and Strikeforce as " B" or even out of business is inevitable. Is it good for the sport - no. But that's how it works.

Charming Charlie- May 17, 2010 at 3:45 pm
I think Strikeforce's commentary is great. I notice it, which means it's not doing it's job as well Rogan & Goldberg, but it is very interesting at times mostly due to Renalo's awesome puns.

Their video production is awesome too. I get more excited watching a pre-fight interlude on Strikeforce than a UFC one. The UFC's video production is clearly more oriented toward 18-35 male rock music listeners.

Still, by the end of a Strikeforce card I feel somehow unsatisfied, probably because the talent just doesn't approach that of GSP, Jones, Silva, etc.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 17, 2010 at 2:44 pm
@Medium Rare

I agree, and I've actually said it before: Pat Miletich is a waaay better announcer than Frank Shamrock. Listening to Frank Shamrock do fight analysis you would think he has a background in water polo or Crump dancing, the guy has a hard time making sentences that are longer than five words.
MediumRare- May 17, 2010 at 2:39 pm
@ aaronb

Strikeforce could generate almost endless new MMA jobs and piles of content building leagues that feed the UFC rather than interfere with it. They could have actually dwarfed the UFC in terms of number of events and number of fighters under contract if they played their cards right doing regional and mid-level events.

As it is, they've squandered the opportunity that Bellator is jumping on.

As for the price of PPV's, we don't need MMA competition in the market. The UFC has endless other sports and entertainment competition to the keep their prices in check.
aaronb- May 17, 2010 at 2:21 pm
We totally need less MMA jobs and content.

Please UFC buy strikeforce and raise the price on your PPV's. We need to keep some of these poor folks away from the sport....
MediumRare- May 17, 2010 at 2:16 pm
@ Mr_Misanthropy

Yeah, just another reason why they should stick to putting on "minor league" MMA shows.

But even then they should get the fuck rid of Frank Shamrock. For the love of god get Pat Miletich back in there.

Lord, please let the UFC buy Strikeforce in 2010!
Mofo- May 17, 2010 at 2:13 pm
lol "a large surface for punching"...

Yes, Breast Rogers presents an excellent punching surface.

I would use each tit as a heavy bag.

Mr_Misanthropy- May 17, 2010 at 2:10 pm
All the whining and hand wringing in the world won't change the fact that Strikeforce puts on a painfully amateurish show. Occasional good fights? Sure. But everything else- the geeky Xtreme sport production, the asinine and inarticulate commentary (I never thought somebody could make Mike Goldberg sound intelligent), the cheesy graphics, the main event pyrotechnics (Great White anyone?), and the senseless match making are all up to them. Nobody else has any control over that shit. They still look like a bush league promotion from San Jose. Their production has more holes than a cheese grater, and it seems to be getting worse, not better. The ref had to ask for the bell guy to start one of the fights. A bunch of their background info was incorrect and compustrike can fuck off with their meaningless statistical analysis, save that shit for after the show. They have good fighters and it ends there. I have more disdain for them with each show I watch and I will be very surprised to see them around in a few years.
MediumRare- May 17, 2010 at 1:44 pm
I'm gonna go ahead and jump in Swedish's corner here.

Competing top level promotions means we don't get to see a lot of fights we want to see.

Strikeforce should content themselves with putting on "minor league" fights. They'll still put on great fights and make a ton of money and they won't have the UFC counter programming them.

And the M1 Russian Mafia would have to gtfo and let Fedor fight in the UFC.
Get Off Me- May 17, 2010 at 12:10 pm
@Swedish
Just because you "don't think" does not mean it is not what it is.
Just because you "think" does not mean it is what it is.

Kimbo made more money with EliteXC in one fight that lasted >30 seconds than he did over the course of his entire "career" with the UFC......when Kimbo arrived to the UFC and began fighting he made substantially less(and rightfully so) but to think he was paid fairly or paid for what he brought to the UFC as far as mainstream audience, aboslutely not.
The UFC getting better with paying their fighters? NO plain and simple.
The UFC getting fighters receiving endorsement deals for big bucks? NO not after Dana charges a company like Dethrone $100,000k a show to promote product through their sponsored product.
The "backroom payouts" not as much of that going on as you would like to think.

More competition does not necessarily equal higher payscales either, it generates more income as a rule only. Pride poached UFC talent back in the day with higher pay scales, but it was not due to competition, it was due to consumption of the product overseas, no demand no pay, higher demand higher pay, a company like UFC owns the lion's share of the market in North America and so holds a sort of monopoly as to what it will pay it's fighters which to me is wrong and why sometimes as a fan I get stuck watching two fighters who have side jobs fighting on a PPV card.
Dana needs to pay contracts for fighters, guaranteed money every month, not just per fight, so these guys can train harder and put on better fights for the fans....just take a look at the Rampage video today.

Kimbos Bread- May 17, 2010 at 11:37 am
+ 10^6 for the Terminator 2 reference.



I pride myself on being an easy marker.


>:)
ReX13- May 17, 2010 at 11:11 am
Swedish, you're continuing to make less and less sense each post. Seriously, dude. Proofread.

Not that i care. We're done here.
Swedish- May 17, 2010 at 11:08 am
jimbonics - I agree, they ran the organization like idiots and hence they folded.

But did their off the charts payroll raise overall MMA pay? I don't think it did, which means that more competition does automatically mean higher salaries.

Also, Brock has made more money OVERALL in the UFC compared to PeePee taste and Arlovski. My point is that it's not always just about purse payments. Marketing income, endorsements, locker room bonuses etc makes these fighters very rich. In the longer term UFC fighters are much better off as they fight more often and they get much higher paid endorsement deals. This is largely because the UFC is a well run organization, not a shit show like SF.
jimbonics- May 17, 2010 at 10:50 am
Affliction paid people FUCKLOADS Swedish.

Arlovski got 1.2mil to fight Fedor. PeePee Taste got 800k to fight Fedor. UFC has never done anything close to that.

Their off-the-charts payscale is something that most certainly helped them fold.
aaronb- May 17, 2010 at 10:39 am
I agree with Swedish.

I think all fighters should live on collective farms owned by Dana White and the Fertitta's. The fighters can do yard work and wash all the Zuffa company vehicles when they aren't fighting or training.

Eat from the trough if you want to be a fucking fighter!
ReX13- May 17, 2010 at 10:34 am
Swedish Says:

"Do you think Affliction raised salaries? Nope, not one penny. All they did was screw fighters that could have been in the UFC making bank."

Perhaps i should remind you how much Tim "Oops i crapped my pants" Sylvia made with Affliction.

Almost North- May 17, 2010 at 10:16 am
Oh I get it. Troll. Nevermind then.
Swedish- May 17, 2010 at 10:14 am
I didn't call for one league cock breath.

I called for one major league, with minor leagues such as SF.

When did I say that the NLF/NHL unions were good? They are anti-american and union leaders are the scum of the earth which should be jailed and beaten with a long stick.
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