Because you pansies get all red-faced when the Potato Index skips an event, we’ve brought back the beloved arbitrary numerical ranking system for a special two-fer installment. As for the recent complaints that the Potato Index’s scores have gotten less arbitrary, we have passed the feedback onto the Index and hope that the scores are now sufficiently chaotic while still maintaining their accuracy and integrity…
Court McGee +518
Going from pantsless meth addict to Ultimate Fighter winner? Yeah, we’d call that an upgrade. But Court McGee is more than just an inspirational story. With his endless heart and skill with a choke-hold, he’s a legitimately valuable acquisition for the UFC. If they bring him along slowly, he could become a factor in the middleweight division someday.
Kris McCray -33.333 [repeating]
Sometimes, tough ain’t enough. McCray may be a little too green to compete at the UFC level, but as a season runner-up, he deserves one more fight — ideally, against one of the TUF guys that scored victories on Saturday, like Chris Camozzi or Rich Attonito.
Matt Hamill +412.9384
The Hammer’s strong Potato Index score is not so much due to his capable striking performance and decision victory against Keith Jardine, as much as the fact that there’s now a movie based on his life, and he can comfortably make deaf jokes in post-fight press conferences. High-level gatekeeper? Yes. Real American Hero? Also yes.
Keith Jardine -101.1011010000110
The Dean of Mean showed excellent takedown defense against Hamill and can still throw a nasty leg kick. Unfortunately, he lost a striking match against a wrestler, and ended the fight looking like he tried to make out with a lawn-mower. Jardine has done battle with some of the best in the light-heavyweight division, but four straight losses has to be the kiss of death for his UFC contract. On the bright side, the UFC will probably bring him back if he can rack up a few wins in the minors.
Chris Leben +79
Chris Leben is like that screw-up brother of yours who never has a job and steals tools from your garage. He "borrows" your car without asking one day, and winds up getting high and crashing it into a tree. It’s the last straw as far as you’re concerned, so you decide to cut him out of your life. But then he shows up at your doorstep a couple weeks later during a thunderstorm, and he’s soaked with rain, and he has a doll for your daughter that he bought at a gas station, and you say, "Yeah, fine, you can crash on the couch, but just for a couple nights." And he looks up at you with that stupid smile, the same one he had when you two were kids. Your wife comes out, sees him unrolling his pack in the living room, and goes right back to the bedroom without saying a word. You’ll hear about it the next morning, but what the fuck are you going to do, he’s your brother and you love him.
Rich Attonito +54
Ayyyyy, Richie Boom Bats! The Jersey kid makes good by sticking to the game-plan — wait until Jamie Yager exhausts himself throwing wild strikes, then make him quit in the second round. The Potato Nation salutes you.
Jamie Yager -LOL
Please, Potato Index, let’s keep this professional.
James McSweeney -227
Get spanked by an Octagon newb, drop to a pro record of 4-5, then try to get the loss overturned by the NSAC — it’s a desperation move by a fighter who knows the UFC doesn’t have much reason to keep him around.
Jamie Varner even
Yeah, Varner should have won that fight. But it’s hard to give him any sympathy, considering his unsportsmanlike reaction to the scores, and the way he tried to lobby Rosenthal to deduct a second point from Shalorus, and his general over-selling of fouls. He’ll never be the people’s champ, that’s for sure.
Kamal Shalorus even
I wouldn’t want to face this guy in a wrestling match, or a testicle-kicking contest. He needs to put in a lot of work on his striking if he hopes to beat the WEC’s top lightweights — but hey, at least now you’ll remember his name.
Josh Grispi +319.8
With his eighth-straight first-round stoppage (four in the WEC), and a quick choke-out of LC Davis now under his belt, The Fluke is clearly one of the best featherweights in the world right now, and has to be in line for a title shot after Manny Gamburyan gets torn up by Jose Aldo.
Eddie Wineland +266
In 2006, he became the WEC’s first bantamweight champ, but losses to Chase Beebe and Rani Yahya derailed his momentum. With three straight wins in the bag (Manny Tapia, George Roop, and now Will Campuzano), he’s a player again. Wineland’s jitterbugging stick-and-move style would make for an entertainingly weird match against the similarly-styled champion Dominick Cruz. Maybe one day…
Wagnney Fabiano -meh
Remember when this guy was considered one of the greatest featherweights in the world? Now he’s scratching out decisions against unknown bantamweights in unaired preliminary fights. Beating Frank Gomez is better than nothing, but he’ll need to start submitting his opponents again if he wants to stay in the minds of fans.
Kenny Florian +OU812
The hardest working man in fight business? Ken-Flo took time out of his training schedule to cover color-man duties for both the TUF 11 Finale and WEC 49. He shaved beforehand, and managed to avoid using any dicey phrases like "rape choke." Rogan, you’ve been put on notice…