potato awards
CagePotato.com Presents: The 2014 Potato Awards

The Potato Index: TUF 11 Finale + WEC 49

(Keith "Necro Reaper" Jardine, after his barbed-wire and fluorescent-light-tube death-match against Matt "Da Def Syco" Hamill. / Photo courtesy of the TUF 11 Finale gallery on MMAFighting.com)

Because you pansies get all red-faced when the Potato Index skips an event, we’ve brought back the beloved arbitrary numerical ranking system for a special two-fer installment. As for the recent complaints that the Potato Index’s scores have gotten less arbitrary, we have passed the feedback onto the Index and hope that the scores are now sufficiently chaotic while still maintaining their accuracy and integrity…

Court McGee +518
Going from pantsless meth addict to Ultimate Fighter winner? Yeah, we’d call that an upgrade. But Court McGee is more than just an inspirational story. With his endless heart and skill with a choke-hold, he’s a legitimately valuable acquisition for the UFC. If they bring him along slowly, he could become a factor in the middleweight division someday.

Kris McCray -33.333 [repeating]
Sometimes, tough ain’t enough. McCray may be a little too green to compete at the UFC level, but as a season runner-up, he deserves one more fight — ideally, against one of the TUF guys that scored victories on Saturday, like Chris Camozzi or Rich Attonito.

Matt Hamill +412.9384
The Hammer’s strong Potato Index score is not so much due to his capable striking performance and decision victory against Keith Jardine, as much as the fact that there’s now a movie based on his life, and he can comfortably make deaf jokes in post-fight press conferences. High-level gatekeeper? Yes. Real American Hero? Also yes.

Keith Jardine -101.1011010000110
The Dean of Mean showed excellent takedown defense against Hamill and can still throw a nasty leg kick. Unfortunately, he lost a striking match against a wrestler, and ended the fight looking like he tried to make out with a lawn-mower. Jardine has done battle with some of the best in the light-heavyweight division, but four straight losses has to be the kiss of death for his UFC contract. On the bright side, the UFC will probably bring him back if he can rack up a few wins in the minors.

Chris Leben +79
Chris Leben is like that screw-up brother of yours who never has a job and steals tools from your garage. He "borrows" your car without asking one day, and winds up getting high and crashing it into a tree. It’s the last straw as far as you’re concerned, so you decide to cut him out of your life. But then he shows up at your doorstep a couple weeks later during a thunderstorm, and he’s soaked with rain, and he has a doll for your daughter that he bought at a gas station, and you say, "Yeah, fine, you can crash on the couch, but just for a couple nights." And he looks up at you with that stupid smile, the same one he had when you two were kids. Your wife comes out, sees him unrolling his pack in the living room, and goes right back to the bedroom without saying a word. You’ll hear about it the next morning, but what the fuck are you going to do, he’s your brother and you love him.

Rich Attonito +54
Ayyyyy, Richie Boom Bats! The Jersey kid makes good by sticking to the game-plan — wait until Jamie Yager exhausts himself throwing wild strikes, then make him quit in the second round. The Potato Nation salutes you.

Jamie Yager -LOL
Please, Potato Index, let’s keep this professional.

Travis Browne -Eww
Smashing James McSweeney is a great way to make a first-impression in the UFC. But the celebratory blood-licking thing? Gross. What the hell is it with you Hawaiians?

James McSweeney -227
Get spanked by an Octagon newb, drop to a pro record of 4-5, then try to get the loss overturned by the NSAC — it’s a desperation move by a fighter who knows the UFC doesn’t have much reason to keep him around. 

Jamie Varner even
Yeah, Varner should have won that fight. But it’s hard to give him any sympathy, considering his unsportsmanlike reaction to the scores, and the way he tried to lobby Rosenthal to deduct a second point from Shalorus, and his general over-selling of fouls. He’ll never be the people’s champ, that’s for sure.

Kamal Shalorus even
I wouldn’t want to face this guy in a wrestling match, or a testicle-kicking contest. He needs to put in a lot of work on his striking if he hopes to beat the WEC’s top lightweights — but hey, at least now you’ll remember his name.

Josh Grispi +319.8
With his eighth-straight first-round stoppage (four in the WEC), and a quick choke-out of LC Davis now under his belt, The Fluke is clearly one of the best featherweights in the world right now, and has to be in line for a title shot after Manny Gamburyan gets torn up by Jose Aldo.

Eddie Wineland +266
In 2006, he became the WEC’s first bantamweight champ, but losses to Chase Beebe and Rani Yahya derailed his momentum. With three straight wins in the bag (Manny Tapia, George Roop, and now Will Campuzano), he’s a player again. Wineland’s jitterbugging stick-and-move style would make for an entertainingly weird match against the similarly-styled champion Dominick Cruz. Maybe one day…

Wagnney Fabiano -meh
Remember when this guy was considered one of the greatest featherweights in the world? Now he’s scratching out decisions against unknown bantamweights in unaired preliminary fights. Beating Frank Gomez is better than nothing, but he’ll need to start submitting his opponents again if he wants to stay in the minds of fans.

Kenny Florian +OU812
The hardest working man in fight business? Ken-Flo took time out of his training schedule to cover color-man duties for both the TUF 11 Finale and WEC 49. He shaved beforehand, and managed to avoid using any dicey phrases like "rape choke." Rogan, you’ve been put on notice…



  1. nooger Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 01:42

    Caption for the picture is hilariously spot on. Bravo Sir
  2. imabigfan Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 01:44

    i was told there wouldn't be any math.
  3. El Guapo Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 01:48

    Percentage points? Dweebish. LoL's and Ewwws? Teenage girlish. Multiple Even scores? Sackless...ish. Meh? Amateurish. Ken-Flo man crush? Gayish. This particular Potato Index? Crap-ish
  4. jgrant Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 01:49

    Kenny Florian almost managed to be as boring as all hell and rave about how that WEC fighter from Tri-Star like he was the best thing to ever set foot in an octagon.
  5. Almost North Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 01:52

    I liked it.
  6. Shatski Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 01:54

    McSweeney is a whinebag. The blow would be illegal if the back of the head was clear and it followed the "headphones" format, but going by the "mohawk" format, the blows would be alright. I read that the ref said anything past two knuckles behind the ear would count for her which seems pretty sound. Seem like another case for a clear definition of back of the head strikes, but I couldn't care less about McSweeney's campaign to overturn the result. I would have been more irritated had he won. Fuck that guy. He did his usual drop the hands shit that cost him against Nelson on TUF last season.
  7. BurritoBrosShits Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 01:56

    Shouldn't it be Yager +LoL? He brought the LoLs to the fight and by bringing the LoLs to the fight I mean he got his ass kicked.
  8. Viva Hate Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 01:57

    Yager is a quitter! The end.
  9. Jabsent Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:07

    one might say Yager... bombed.
  10. El Famous Burrito Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:10

    Varner and Shalarus both even? At least Kamal's balls don't hurt today. Or maybe they do, I have no way of knowing for sure. The show ended around 11:30 my time and I went to bed, but I guess he could've slammed them in a door or something. You really can't expect me to know about that, though. I mean, I'm not his manager or anything, come on. That kind of information isn't widely available and I only have a casual interest in the subject. Cut me some freakin' slack, will ya?
  11. PortlandMMA Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:18

    Funniest post I've read in a long time, your Chris Leben description was fucking hilarious. As far as Yager goes I honestly think this guy will never fight at an elite level, he might get one more shot in the UFC but if you have no heart and can't fight past 7 minutes your not going to last too long. Also I think even if Leben lost a few in a row to low level opponents the UFC would still keep him around, he's a fan favorite and they wouldn't want their competition to have him. Just look at the following Scott Smith has garnered in Strikeforce.
  12. Ballkick Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:19

    A fair and honest appraisal of the fighters named here. I really liked your description of Leben as well, Funny as shit.
  13. IsnappedYourarm Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:19

    The part about Leben is dead on. DId you have a drug addict brother or something?
  14. Derekrva Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:35

    Yeah, that Leben description was absolutely delicious. Didn't even mention the fact he TKO'd the guy, just an anecdote that describes Leben perfectly.
  15. RwilsonR Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:35

    Travis Browne should get negative points for using one of the stupidest MMA training cliches around in his post-fight interview. I think it is supposed to be a Japanese proverb, as Enson Inoue used to have it on his t-shirt in Japanese kanji characters. I've heard Randy Couture say it several times, as well as others. "You get knocked down seven times, you stand up eight." That sounds good. Very motivational. But did anyone ever do the math on this? Certainly not Travis "A Beautiful Mind" Browne. If you get knocked down seven times, and you want to persevere, continue fighting, whatever... wouldn't you then get up, you know... seven times. Why is the eighth time necessary?
  16. osiris431 Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:37

    i could have sworn that the chris leben description was the plotline for the movie brothers starring jake gylenhaal, tobey maguire and natalie portman.
  17. RwilsonR Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 02:58

    @ osiris431 Huh, I thought it was the plot to an Matt Dillon, Owen Wilson, and Kate Hudson movie.
  18. LouDizzle Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 03:01

    Joe Rogan "on notice"... Come on? KenFlo is a good stand in but he doesn't have it like Joe does.
  19. PortlandMMA Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 03:12

    Rogan is a good commentator but Florian is pretty damn good himself. The worst UFC fighter/commentator I think that I've heard was Stephan Bonnar.
  20. The Hammer Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 03:14

    Jardine better be getting a pink slip you can't ride a close battle with a legend forever (unless your kimo) and expect to keep getting paid. Also mcgee deserves less points I think I saw him on bum fights somewhere getting the ultimate training!!!
  21. Clyde Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 03:27

    I thought Kenny was OK on the commentary, a bit stiff in the post fight interviews. But closer to Pat Milletich than to Gus Johnson at least. I'm not a big fan of the post fight interviews anyway, but I did like Leben's reply. I know what you mean about how it's hard to hold anything against him. At least you know he's not going out to grind out a win. RwilsonR: I think the point is that you have to get up first before you get knocked down the first time, so after your 7th knock down, you still get up. So no matter how many times you're down, you always get back up. At least that's the way I took it.
  22. Rogan Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 03:59

    CP says "Rogan, you've been put on notice..." how dare you!
  23. chrissyweiss Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:03

    what about my boy DENNIS SIVER?! he kicked the king`s ass and is the only german out there in the UFC (except the peter sobotta donk) making us proud.
  24. DAN THE VIKING Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:08

    That caption is so fucking funny... 'Da Def Syco' hahahahahahaha Id love to see that match in CZW.
  25. DAN THE VIKING Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:10

    chrissyweiss you are right. Although Im of irish/Scottish/English/Swedish decent... no German here, I love Siver and everything I was teling my friends about him before that fight came to fruition. War Dennis 'The Muscle Toe' Siver
  26. shagel Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:12

    Could at least have worked in a Clutch reference in Keith Jardine's score if you're going to go with a lot of 1's and 0's, like "-100.01110101". I know I would have appreciated it and that's all that matters, isn't it?
  27. Cro mag Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:13

    It should be no surprise that Hawaiians do that blood liking thing, it wasn't that long ago that they used to eat their enemies innards for breakfast.
  28. mustache revival Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:14

    I saw Leben at Mr. Lucky's diner in the Hard Rock after the fight having dinner with his mom, drinking beer, and smoking cigarettes. That's +1000 in my index!
  29. imabigfan Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:15

    I'm all for Ken-flo over Rogan. Anyone else watch the 32 hour ultimate knockout on Spike yesterday? I had to mute it due the repetition of Goldy's "AAAAAAND IT'S ALL OVER" and Rogan's "RIGHT ON THE BUTTON." Rogan does know his shit, but I think he's been sitting next to Mike "there's nothing going on in the fight too important to plug spike" Goldberg too long. The noxious gas cloud that emits from goldstein's mouth is like what the joker released on Gotham.
  30. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:21

    Yager, spot on, Leben great analogy, and thats why Dana will always have a spot for him. And, please Dana, move Leben ahead of Kos in title contention, announce it a press conference, have Kos there with the camera on him when he's told Leben has just moved up to #1 contender, then entire MMA world, especiallyPotato nation, doubles over in fits of laughter at look on Kos's face. Pleeeeaaase Dana, how many times do I gotta ask
  31. The Lizardking05 Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 04:42

    @jabsent that shit had me spitting out my drink man.... good stuff
  32. DangadaDang Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 06:00

    I am loving all the Siver love, that guy is one of my favs in the lightweight division and noone ever gives him any credit. Mcsweeney gets an index but not Siver? Also, if Siver fought Sherk it would go down in roughly the same fashion as the battle of the two Tyrannosaurs in Jurassic Park 3
  33. NomadRip Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 07:16

    Spot on with just about everything but Rogan. He leaves the UFC, and it won't quite die a slow death, but it'd take a few shows to get used to it without him. I'll get off his nuts now. Who the hell picks McWeenie's tattoos? That tribal Miss America sash tattoo was not ever in style. He is certainly not going to start a trend with that. Dude is obviously brain-damaged and should be on indefinite medical suspension.
  34. ReX13 Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 07:32

    Someone remind how bad this website sucked since that Fowlkes guy left. Good funnies, fellas.
  35. Almost North Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 08:26

    @dangadandang Cause they have tiny arms? RHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE War dinosaur noises. @nomad LoL at "tribal Miss America". Sounds like a contest at a local bar on Wednesday night. Thanks to you there is coffee and spit all over my keyboard.
  36. stopdrinkingpee Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 09:15

    Never again, Potato Index, will I charge you with being insufficently arbitrary. My head is spinning from the decimals. I couldn't figure out whether the extraneous zero at the end of Jardine's score was a simple oversight, or spells something in binary, but I'm not nerdy enough to look it up. Either way, I applaud the return to random-ish numbers that simply reflect the general idea of a fighter's new standing, accompanied by Chris Leben parables. +14.7
  37. blood red rock Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 09:39

    Funniest thing I have read in a while. Love the Leben bit.
  38. ghostboner Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 10:28

    I actually cried while reading about the Crippler. Good job on finally adding decimals to the index. I approve. I thought k-lo was good, but the gagging noises while he was choking on Yves' cock were a bit unsettling. Still, I do like Kenflo, but I don't think he replaces Rogan. I still loves me some angry voiced Joe.
  39. ghostboner Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 10:33

    Dennis "Rammstein" Siver + 42 Because he won, barely, but mostly because German is by far the most baddest assed language to answer interview questions in.
  40. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Mon, 06/21/10 - 11:27

    ^Yea you hear that shit from an angry lookin dude, and you just know your countries about to get invaded
  41. Almost North Says:

    Tue, 06/22/10 - 12:19

    German is pretty badass, but nothing says scary like a 4 foot tall middle aged Thai Lady screaming at you. Its like being announced in PRIDE.
  42. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Tue, 06/22/10 - 12:31

    @ Almost, 4 foot tall middle aged thai lady? tell us more my friend, tell us more
  43. Almost North Says:

    Tue, 06/22/10 - 12:40

    Not much of a story. At the fish packing plants where I grew up a lot of the supervisors were tiny Thai immigrant lady's who routinely made their new employees cry. I never worked there myself but I heard stories. I think the key is in the pitch.
  44. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Tue, 06/22/10 - 12:59

    Damm, I was hopin for something to with bars down Patpong Road, thats where I used to get screamed at by thai ladies, of varying heights
  45. snakey Says:

    Tue, 06/22/10 - 04:32

    Keith "Somebody's dad" Jardine would be more suited to Pride or a Japanese promotion and his entrance could be with a scythe. Matt "Not really a win" Hamill should concentrate on ways to win fights without really winning. So maybe be should go for the DQ via knees to groin. Train for that one!
  46. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Tue, 06/22/10 - 05:08

    Keith will make a damm fine livin playin a freakozoid scare the fuck out of you MOFO in any number of straight to DVD/Game franchise features.
  47. ghostboner Says:

    Tue, 06/22/10 - 03:21

    If I was Siver my post fight interviews would consist of me completely ignoring the questions, and just staring at my opponent with the 1000yd stare and repeating in monotone "Du. Du Hast. Du Hast mich."
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    Wed, 12/04/13 - 07:17

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    Tue, 01/20/15 - 08:05

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