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The Potato Index: UFC 109 Aftermath

(Mark Coleman shows these young whippersnappers what a proper punch-face looks like.  Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine’s UFC 109 gallery.)

After a night of upsets and several plodding decisions at UFC 109, we turn to the Potato Index to tell us who’s up and who’s down.

Randy Couture +77
Yes, he dominated Mark Coleman. And yes, that would have been impressive ten years ago. But let’s be brutally honest here. The way Coleman looked last night, there aren’t many light heavyweights in the UFC who couldn’t have beaten him. It’s still a good win for Couture, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ‘getting better with age.’ It just means Coleman isn’t.

Mark Coleman -91
Two months in Vegas working with a striking coach and he still can’t be bothered to move his head out of the way of a punch? DW is right; it’s time for “The Hammer” to hang it up. You don’t want to become another Ken Shamrock, Mark.

Chael Sonnen +128
No one, including us, gave him more than a glimmer of a chance. Either we had too much faith in Marquardt’s takedown defense, or not enough faith in Sonnen’s ability to push through all manner of unpleasantness to make sure the fight happens on his terms. Whatever you think of him now, this is one tough son of a bitch.

Nate Marquardt -79
He’s right, if this were a five-round fight or if knees on the ground were legal, he probably would have won. And if grandma had a…well, you get the point. He was outworked on the ground and helpless to keep it from ending up there. Hope he has something to look forward to aside from that rematch with Silva, because it’s going to be a while.

Matt Serra +63
It might not be easy for him to get close enough to most guys to lay his paws on them, but when he does they’re going to know about it. Now what does the UFC do with this mamaluke?

Frank Trigg -58
With a chin that’s increasingly suspect and skills that have gone the way of his Triggonomics clothing line, it might be time to pursue another career path. The Strikeforce broadcast team could sure use someone to freak out on the mic every now and then.

Paulo Thiago +85
You beat one AKA guy, it could just be dumb luck. You beat two, that’s a pattern. What’s most impressive about the Brazilian commando is how much he’s improved as a fighter in such a short time. This isn’t the same guy we saw against Josh Koscheck, and that’s a good thing.

Mike Swick -81
One minute you’re on top of the world, one win from a title shot. Two straight losses later you’re as low as you’ve ever been. That’s life in the fight business. Nothing to do but dust yourself off and try to close up some of those holes in your game.

Demian Maia +60
He got the win, even if it was his least exciting fight to date. Coming off a knockout loss, we don’t blame him for playing it a little bit safe.

Dan Miller -53
He can fight everyone close, but can’t win the big ones, at least so far. There’s still time to change that reputation. Better start soon, though.

Phil Davis +46
We should probably slow down on the GSP comparisons (would we still be making them if he had worn a pair of shorts?), but he’s definitely worth keeping an eye on. A great wrestler can go far in the 205-pound division if he sharpens his stand-up.

Brian Stann -40
That ‘American hero’ storyline is nice, but it won’t sustain you forever. More and more he just doesn’t look like he has what it takes to compete at this level.

Mac Danzig +38
He still hasn’t lived up to the post-TUF hype, and a close decision victory over an unheralded opponent won’t do much to change that. Hopefully he really has rediscovered his passion. The UFC could use a misanthropic vegan on the roster, but he needs a few impressive hummus-powered wins before we get too excited about him again.

Justin Buchholz -33
Three straight losses? Someone’s going to be looking into those online college courses soon.

Melvin Guillard +31
The best fight of his career might be a bit of an overstatement, Greg Jackson, but at least he showed an improved submissions defense. Now let’s work on stopping the takedown.

Ronnys Torres -25
Maybe the Octagon jitters caused him to lose a little steam in the late rounds, so we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say the kid’s got potential.

Joey Beltran +37
“The Mexicutioner” didn’t look spectacular – or even like a real heavyweight – but he got a win in his UFC debut, which is never easy. It helps when your opponent looks like something out of an old mummy movie.

Rolles Gracie -53
Not that we expected him to be a world-beater in his fourth pro fight, but we did expect him to at least look like he belonged. It’s going to take a great outing next time to make fans forget this debacle.

Cagepotato Comments

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frndlylion- February 9, 2010 at 8:43 am
@Ninjanate There was only one prelim fight that had the name "Gracie" in it and that's why they put it on even though I'm pretty sure no Gracie wanted that crap to be seen. It's all about the drawing power of the names. The whole Kimbo Slice fiasco was a prime example of that with the thought of even offering James Tomey a contract final proof. Too bad about the Tomey thing really, I was looking forward to another display of boxer vs MMA similar to Royce Gracie's first fight against Jimmerson in UFC 1.

"Get off of me!!!"

CheckHisPee- February 8, 2010 at 7:30 pm I think if this guy had to take a shit that lasted longer than 2min he wouldn't have enough juice left for wiping.
Seriously, I've got to believe that there was something amiss, to which we remain unaware. It's very doubtful that Renzo and the rest of the Gracie clan would have let him compete in the big show in that kind of shape.

@mthomas, I couldn't agree more. Rolles had a can laid out for his octagon debut (albeit a can with a really cool nickname) and not only could he not do anything TO him, but he gets finished BY him, sort of.
cecils_pupils- February 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Hell yeah Organ Donor! Paulo Thiago looked great - calm and in full control just waiting for the slightest opening and then BAMM!
Yves Latrine- February 8, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Swick needs to bulk up and go back to fighting at 185. He's a cancer patient at 170.
Steffmeister- February 8, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Yes, the ‘getting better with age’ hype is ridiculous...
Ninjanate- February 8, 2010 at 2:41 pm
I thought it was strange that they even showed the Gracie fight. What most people bitched about Season 10 was the pathetic cardio, and we know Dana listens to some of the criticism, so why would the UFC show an even worse example? Was there no other exciting prelims that could have filled the last ten minutes?
aaronb- February 8, 2010 at 1:28 pm
I still think Torres got robbed by the judges in his fight. He should get a plus 0/0 for the robbery.

After this fight and the Tibau fight you have to wonder where all this Guillard push is coming from?
superflat- February 8, 2010 at 12:48 pm
@Organ Donor -- I'd say more Machida, but I know what you mean. That trip was straight out of the karate fake-out textbook, and the ease with which he was able to chase it with a combination shows just how effective knocking your opponent somewhat off balance can be. Looks like that style is here to stay.

I must say I'm not as down on Serra as a lot of people are. Unlike Sean Sherk the guy can finish fights, and he's really down to earth when he speaks about his game. Also, I don't think he has any pretensions of chasing a title, which means the UFC has the freedom to make exciting fights with him.
RaginAsian- February 8, 2010 at 12:47 pm
I'm sorry, did everyone magically forget how Coleman handled Bonnar with ease? Once Tito goes 0 for 3 against Chuck, Coleman-Ortiz has already sold itself. It's an easy money fight, and we all know how much Dana likes his money.

Sure, a win doesn't do much for either guy. But will someone remind me the last time either of them was close to being relevant?
fedorsmightylovehandles- February 8, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Organ Donor- February 8, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Did anybody notice that Paolo Thiago looked kind of Anderson Silva-esque in his judging of Swick's distance? He seemed pretty good at moving his head back just enough so that Swick's long arms fell just short. Looks like that training at Black House is paying off.
hyperfocal- February 8, 2010 at 10:59 am
Gracie didn't look right from the start of the fight -- wife asked "Is he drunk?" and I had to admit he had the stilted, stiff kneed look of someone who's had one too many, or is maybe starting to feel the negative side-effects of being bitten by a zombie.

Can't imagine Henzo is too thrilled about the whole thing. Assuming, of course, that Rolles didn't eat his brains on the ride home.
Catalyst8487- February 8, 2010 at 10:46 am
I thought this was a pretty good card overall. I still tune in to watch a losing record team in the NFL if I enjoy the team, and Randy is kind of like that to me. He won't fight for the title again, but I still enjoy watching him fight. Sad to see Coleman go, but I hope he goes out with his head up. Don't be Ken Shamrock, just don't.
jimbonics- February 8, 2010 at 10:37 am
I agree with Swick moving back up. No Brainer.
Viva Hate- February 8, 2010 at 10:27 am
My Fight Picker picks -50

All and All a decent PPV, some funs fights to watch, plus its was worth the money to hear Coleman curse out Tito, money well spent in my book.
skeletor- February 8, 2010 at 10:26 am
Marquart was beat from the opening bell. Sonnen beat him to the punch on there feet, and after that he looked lost. I still think he's a better all around fighter, Sonnen is just allot better in that one aspect that happened to win him the fight. If Anderson gets past Vitor (witch I think he will) he probably won't fair any better then anyone else has.
cecils_pupils- February 8, 2010 at 10:24 am
As I said before, Thiago would beat Swick making it two consecutive losses. I bet this week it comes out that Swickhas decided to move back up to 185. Mark my words.
Robocop Didnt Tap- February 8, 2010 at 10:22 am
It's ironic that on a card that featured two geezers beating on each other, that I, a relatively healthy 31-yr old, was the first to nod off. Where's my Metamucil!?! :(
El Guapo- February 8, 2010 at 10:18 am
Rolls Gracie's cardio looked like The Mexicutioner's body- doughboy soft.

I'm thinking they just looked at Joey Beltran and laughed. Figured no need to train against a beer drinking, frijole eating, 5 foot shit heavyweight. Needless to say, looks can be deceiving.
boog- February 8, 2010 at 10:11 am
marquardt should just stop with the excuses and stop saying he is the only one who can beat anderson. he knew sonnen wanted to take him down and could not prevent it. and it was funny how mike goldberg said he was humble in defeat. more like a whiny little girl.
mthomas- February 8, 2010 at 10:09 am
I'm sorry but Rolles Gracie only warrants a -53 on the Potato Index? There is no way that anyone on this card had a worse performance than him. -200 for having zero cardio, for essentially giving up in the second round to an opponent who had less than 2 weeks notice and for having a fight that looked like something out of the last season of TUF.
agentsmith- February 8, 2010 at 10:04 am
Randy is definitely slowing down and his chin is not what it used to be, but he looks downright young next to Coleman... I swear I could almost hear Coleman's joints creaking right through the TV. His knees in particular look so rickety, someone like Forrest Griffin could TKO him with leg kicks alone.

As for Marquardt, I fail to see how knees on the ground could have changed the fight in his favor, considering he spent like 3/4 of the fight on his back. It seems more likely that knees on the ground would have allowed Sonnen to cave his face in.
Optimo- February 8, 2010 at 10:04 am
You guys wouldn't forget about ole Tucshy would ya?
Get Off Me- February 8, 2010 at 9:57 am
Mark Coleman +Infinity for calling Tito a douchebag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! None of this -91 BS.

Looks like the AKA boys are gettin' exposed.....Just like I told everybody awhile ago.