(Mark Coleman shows these young whippersnappers what a proper punch-face looks like.  Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine’s UFC 109 gallery.)

After a night of upsets and several plodding decisions at UFC 109, we turn to the Potato Index to tell us who’s up and who’s down.

Randy Couture +77
Yes, he dominated Mark Coleman. And yes, that would have been impressive ten years ago. But let’s be brutally honest here. The way Coleman looked last night, there aren’t many light heavyweights in the UFC who couldn’t have beaten him. It’s still a good win for Couture, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ‘getting better with age.’ It just means Coleman isn’t.

Mark Coleman -91
Two months in Vegas working with a striking coach and he still can’t be bothered to move his head out of the way of a punch? DW is right; it’s time for “The Hammer” to hang it up. You don’t want to become another Ken Shamrock, Mark.

Chael Sonnen +128
No one, including us, gave him more than a glimmer of a chance. Either we had too much faith in Marquardt’s takedown defense, or not enough faith in Sonnen’s ability to push through all manner of unpleasantness to make sure the fight happens on his terms. Whatever you think of him now, this is one tough son of a bitch.

Nate Marquardt -79
He’s right, if this were a five-round fight or if knees on the ground were legal, he probably would have won. And if grandma had a…well, you get the point. He was outworked on the ground and helpless to keep it from ending up there. Hope he has something to look forward to aside from that rematch with Silva, because it’s going to be a while.

Matt Serra +63
It might not be easy for him to get close enough to most guys to lay his paws on them, but when he does they’re going to know about it. Now what does the UFC do with this mamaluke?

Frank Trigg -58
With a chin that’s increasingly suspect and skills that have gone the way of his Triggonomics clothing line, it might be time to pursue another career path. The Strikeforce broadcast team could sure use someone to freak out on the mic every now and then.

Paulo Thiago +85
You beat one AKA guy, it could just be dumb luck. You beat two, that’s a pattern. What’s most impressive about the Brazilian commando is how much he’s improved as a fighter in such a short time. This isn’t the same guy we saw against Josh Koscheck, and that’s a good thing.

Mike Swick -81
One minute you’re on top of the world, one win from a title shot. Two straight losses later you’re as low as you’ve ever been. That’s life in the fight business. Nothing to do but dust yourself off and try to close up some of those holes in your game.

Demian Maia +60
He got the win, even if it was his least exciting fight to date. Coming off a knockout loss, we don’t blame him for playing it a little bit safe.

Dan Miller -53
He can fight everyone close, but can’t win the big ones, at least so far. There’s still time to change that reputation. Better start soon, though.

Phil Davis +46
We should probably slow down on the GSP comparisons (would we still be making them if he had worn a pair of shorts?), but he’s definitely worth keeping an eye on. A great wrestler can go far in the 205-pound division if he sharpens his stand-up.

Brian Stann -40
That ‘American hero’ storyline is nice, but it won’t sustain you forever. More and more he just doesn’t look like he has what it takes to compete at this level.

Mac Danzig +38
He still hasn’t lived up to the post-TUF hype, and a close decision victory over an unheralded opponent won’t do much to change that. Hopefully he really has rediscovered his passion. The UFC could use a misanthropic vegan on the roster, but he needs a few impressive hummus-powered wins before we get too excited about him again.

Justin Buchholz -33
Three straight losses? Someone’s going to be looking into those online college courses soon.

Melvin Guillard +31
The best fight of his career might be a bit of an overstatement, Greg Jackson, but at least he showed an improved submissions defense. Now let’s work on stopping the takedown.

Ronnys Torres -25
Maybe the Octagon jitters caused him to lose a little steam in the late rounds, so we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say the kid’s got potential.

Joey Beltran +37
“The Mexicutioner” didn’t look spectacular – or even like a real heavyweight – but he got a win in his UFC debut, which is never easy. It helps when your opponent looks like something out of an old mummy movie.

Rolles Gracie -53
Not that we expected him to be a world-beater in his fourth pro fight, but we did expect him to at least look like he belonged. It’s going to take a great outing next time to make fans forget this debacle.