(With tailored suits like that he’s just as slick outside the Octagon.)
After an exhausting and entertaining UFC 94, we sat down with our Cage Potato Super Computer and churned out the arbitrary numerical data for the relevant parties. It wasn’t easy, but dammit, it was necessary.
Georges St. Pierre +361
Whether you think he was greased up or not, he put a beating on B.J. Penn that can’t be explained away (Vaseline didn’t help him dodge jabs or score takedowns, after all). He showed up in great shape, with a great game plan, and proceeded to do exactly what he said he would. GSP is an absolute monster, and at just 27 years old he’ll dominate the division for the foreseeable future. Good luck, Thiago Alves. You’ll need it.
B.J. Penn -86
He’s still the best lightweight in the world. Let’s hope this beating convinced him to stay in the division where he truly belongs. If you’re going to be the smaller man in the fight, you’d better be more active and in better shape. He was neither, and he paid the price. Now give KenFlo his shot.
Vaseline + 590
To hear Penn’s trainers talk, you’d think it was a magical substance. Just a dash and you become a guard-passing, ground-and-pounding machine. We may find out how responsible it is for GSP’s success, because after this incident the athletic commissions will be watching closely, as will the UFC.
Lyoto Machida +234
If you would have told me before UFC 94 that we’d see eight decisions and that Machida wouldn’t be involved in one of them, I would have sprayed you with mace. But lo and behold, he not only finishes his fight but gets Knockout of the Night. Truly, this kind of Machida performance is the Halley’s Comet of the MMA world. If he can keep this up we’d actually be eager to see him get a title shot.
Thiago Silva -52
He got beaten by a better fighter, pure and simple. No shame in it, but no title shot in it either. Back to the middle of the pack. As if it wasn’t crowded enough there.
Jon Jones +108
He’s young, humble, and has a ton of talent. He’s been a pro for less than a year, but if the UFC gives him time to develop he could really go places. He needs to work on finishing fights, and he seemed to run out of gas a little in the last round, but with spinning back elbows like that he may not have to go the distance very often.
Stephan Bonnar -68
His toughness isn’t a question after hanging in for all that punishment and even mounting a minor comeback in the third, but it’s clear now that he’ll probably never be an elite fighter at 205. Dana seems to love him, though, so he’ll get to hang around a little while longer.
Clay Guida +45
The Guida who sticks to his gameplan isn’t as exciting as the one who brawls like the Tasmanian Devil, but he is more successful. He did enough to get that Fight of the Night bonus, so don’t expect him to change it up any time soon.
Nate Diaz -33
Despite his slick submissions and classic Diaz arm-punch striking style, there’s a wrestling-shaped hole in his game. If he didn’t know it before, he does now. Particularly in the lightweight division, that’s a weakness he can’t afford not to address.
Karo Parisyan +27
He didn’t look great doing it, but he survived an early scare and got the split decision victory. We certainly hope he doesn’t still think of himself as “too talented to train” after his last couple uninspired performances.
Dong Hyun Kim -10
He lost to a more experienced fighter, but showed some potential. Let’s hope the UFC keeps him around long enough to give him a chance to become something.
Jon Fitch +48
He did exactly what we all expected, in exactly the fashion we thought he would. This isn’t big news, but at least the Fitch train is back on track, even if it’s rolling through the dark portion of the pay-per-view.
Akihiro Gono +3
Yes, he lost, but he put up a fight worthy of something other than the heaviest underdog on the card, and his entrance alone is worth a little something. If only he could carry some of that excitement into the Octagon.
Superfights +92
Nothing like a champion-versus-champion affair to create a buzz and sell out an arena. Next up, Anderson Silva-GSP? Yes, please.
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Comments
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:28
Georges pink-pierre
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:33
if the vaseline was such a big issue for penn, lets he if he asks for a rematch. pretty sure he's had enough of gsp.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:37
GSP did completely dominate BJ, it's too bad the whole vaseline thing will taint the win for him.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:38
why isn't gsp being stripped of his belt or this fight being ruled a no contest? he was caught red handed cheating, he even had some premeditated chi alighning bullshit on how to sneakily apply the grease, along with two other fighters past accusations hes a cheating greaser, and he got caught this time.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:42
GSP rubs vaseline on his taint... and he likes it!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:47
A little Vaseline on the tip of his dick never hurt anyone. Vaseline excuses are lame. Why didn't BJ complain during the fight and continued? The guy gave up and it wasn't because of Vaseline. If Vaseline really has magic i am definitely putting it on the tip of MY dick! Cagepotato rules!!!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:50
georges taint pierre
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:53
@ OB&I This shitstorm is only starting. Mayhem, Serra, and Sherk have already accused him of greasing. And also, Kenny Florian was complaining about Huerta being very "slippery" when they fought. Wasn't Huerta was training with Greg Jackson's camp at the time? Hmmm. GSP's taint FTW!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:56
In the corner of GSP, Eddie Harris [of Major League fame] said the following: Eddie - "if he tries to get you a guillotine i rub a little crisco on my neck." GSP - "ooo-kaaay" Eddie - "if he goes for a triangle i put a little bardol on my back" Eddie - "if he goes for an armbar i put a little vagisil on my wrist"
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:56
Like I FUCKIN' SAID.... ...this Vaseline crap will forever taint this fight and follow around GSP like an albatrose around his neck. ENOUGH ALREADY! "cheating greaser" ...shut...the...fuck...up. I'm sick of hearing about it already.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:57
If you actually believe that the vaseline helped GSP, than you are ignorant and quite dumb. If you didn't notice the damn red jackets wipe the 1/16 ounce of vaseline that might of been put on him off with a dry towel. If anything getting wiped down completely dry would of made it easier for BJ to pull rubber guard. It won't taint GSP's win because there was nothing done wrong, I'm quite positive someone accidentally got some vagisil on BJ's back, that's what they should of been worrying about.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:57
BLAME THE STUPID FUCKING NIGGER WHO PUT THAT SHIT ON GSP IN THE FIRST PLACE. NO SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT GUY.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:57
@Crookshark A rematch sounds good. Let them do it at lightweight. I'm a little peeved by fighters that lose water weight and suck it all back up the night before the fight. There's a reason for weight classes, and this type of end-run around the letter of the law needs to stop. I know, I know, it's the way it's been done for eons. Enough already. Weigh-ins need to be done the day of the fight, and fighters not making weight should forfeit their purse. It's time.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:57
how did bj loose ,more stock than thiago silva, that dude got ktfo, in 5 minutes, bj, although he was dominated, showed he is one tough emmmm effffer
Mon, 02/02/09 - 03:58
Vaseline wasnt an issue. I didnt see Penn go for any take downs or shoot for a leg. I just saw Penn get the fucked up for about a good 20 minutes than throw in the towel. I mean if we saw Penn actually try for a shoot then yea, its questionable but he got his ass kicked. So why complain? Its just gonna make yourself look more pathetic. After all that smack talk about your opponent being a quitter and saying "if you tap cuz of strikes, your a little b*tch, thats what I say" than blaming your loss DUE TO STRIKES cuz of vaseline? Bitch please go back to your own weight division.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:00
I just think it's hilarious...I mean he might as well have comment on GSP's finger and toenail paint distracting him while his fists and feet kept hitting him.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:00
@ sneaky pete dude, that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Making weight that day, that could kill people man. Have you ever had to cut weight before? Try cutting 10 pounds and fight a 5 round fight in the same day, people will be dropping like flys. But I agree with you that they should give up their purse.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:08
Cage potato only wants the Silva/GSP fight because it brings traffic to the site, which makes them money. Love you CP but I'm on to your ways......
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:11
@ Sneaky Pete Yea I agree with you, I think they should fight at the weight they walk around at. Look at Anderson Silva, his natural weight is around 205 or so. That's why I've come up with the decision to make my own damn online petition (since every1 is doing it now a days) and bring back open weight tournaments in the UFC. And yes I don't think GSP could cut anymore weight unless its all muscle.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:11
@RID troll...
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:12
*unless he cuts all muscle
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:13
yeah RID, you fucking troll.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:14
@Rokabee point taken. It's difficult. They should build up or down to the weight. Not do the old wrestling dehydration trick and just gain that weight right back. It defeats the purpose. I fighter should have to fight at the weight that they're trying to make. That's all I'm saying. And does anyone doubt that BJ would have killed GSP at lightweight? I mean cutting weight alone would have killed Georges.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:16
How come people always give Lyoto Machida a hard time for hitting decisions, but no one ever complains about Karo "The Heat" Daceesion... Dude has 13 wins in the UFC and 11 of them were decisions.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:21
I have the answer to this whole "Grease" thing....................BJ needs a rematch!! but not with GSP, with that ever so terrifying jar of vaseline across the cage!! UFC 100 BJ "the prodigy" Penn vs. Vaseline "Petroleum" Jelly also including, Jason "mayhem' Miller vs. Aloe "dry skin" Vera Now thats a card im willin to drop 50 bucks on. Im also willin to pay 50 bucks for all the complainers to stop complainin'.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:31
^Because Machida is regarded as a top tier fighter and is expected to be able to finish opponents. The only thing Karo is expected to finish is a jumbo pizza
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:32
like i said before his trainers released a statement on what the vaseline did in the fight. I said it made bj's guard less effective his legs kept sliding right off his back he couldnt control GSP in his guard. And someone called me a moron and i dont know anything about fighting. LOOKS LIKE I WAS RIGHT BITCH!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:34
I don't get why people keep bringing up the vaseline? Yes, if there was a good amount of it smeared on GSP's back it would've negated BJ's rubber guard. However, (and this a fucking huge however) the alleged vaseline was merely leftover from GSPs face, applied to his shoulders more than anything, and the Commission noticed right away and wiped it off. GSP destroyed Penn, no taint.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 04:50
This just in: Georges St-Pierre got a $2 million sponsorship from Vaseline. The new line of products he's promoting is tagged: "So smooth you'll pass her guard without her noticing-- Great for when she's asleep!"
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:09
Fight of the week still Fedor and Arlovski? wow this site is horrible
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:13
@ RID DAT NIG FAGGLE You sound like the smartest racist to ever post here.............idiot.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:15
Shut up newb, respect the Bens.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:21
You really have to be happy for BJ. Now, for the rest of his days he can hang around in his gym full of hand picked ass kissers and claim that he was robbed. Now he never has to admit that he got his ass handed to him.Self delusion is wonderful. I can hear the losers gearing up now. Herring claims Lesnar was greased! Cote was kicking Silva's ass until his corner greased him up......
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:25
@ surge very funny until the "...Great for when she's asleep" part.... then i just felt uncomfortable
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:32
BJ Peeennes, got bitch slapped like a cheap $2 Ho' was dominated no question regardless ov vaseline or not. i dont think vaseline made GSP land all those sweet punches and and amazing greound n pound did it? cuz if it did, ima do tha same!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:32
Word Respect the BIG bens!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:37
BJ penn is a sore bitch, he got his ass handed to him in a silver platter with little of his pride on the side so he can eat his words along with the main dish...haha!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:47
@ cpanger I'd much rather see an Aloe "dry skin" Vera fight than a Brandon "the truth" Vera fight.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:49
@Hellboy Damn straight homie STEELERS #1 WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!! Fedor, Urijah, GSP, and the Steelers all win in an 8 day span. Best fuckin' week EVER.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 05:52
@Surge: Nice
Mon, 02/02/09 - 06:36
Well Mr. Pres. The NEVADA STATE ATHELTIC COMMISION employees that were called into the cage in the second round specifically to wipe GSP down with completely dry towels most likely nullify your point. Sorry.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 06:59
I dunno why people are saying applying vaseline to the back doesn't matter. You can clearly see BJ trying to pull a really high guard on GSP up to his shoulders and repeatedly his legs slip off immediately. I think BJ should have worn knee sleeves and ankle wraps but thats not for everyone i guess. It obviously didn't affect the fact that GSP worked BJ on his feet in the later rounds and before that he pounded his face off the canvas. But lets be honest, vaseline on the back against one of the best MMA bjj practitioners of all time is some shady sh*t if its true. Whatever. Lets move on.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 07:06
When I first saw the fight card I thought Clay Guida would be the only greaseball fighting that night.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 07:10
boo superfights! gsp is nothing without his vaseline!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 07:11
clay guida shouldve got -9000
Mon, 02/02/09 - 07:13
Fuck Guida!!!! He used to be a bad ass spazz-o exciting fighter, now he wants to be sean serk 2.0 fuck that shit and fuck him. and fuck the god damn judges. Diaz won that fight and im still pissed about it, if all you gotta do to win a fight is hug a guys back than a bunch of one-dimensional wrestlers with a decent gas tank are just gonna go straight to the top. BOOOOO GUIDA YAAAYYY DIAZ Don't be scurred homie!! Get off his back and face him like a (cave) Man!
Mon, 02/02/09 - 08:41
OH Fuck "the heat" paryisan. Mother fucker got 1 point more to win a decision. Im sure he had a panick attack after realizing he actually won one since of march 2004. Lost $200 on that fight, retarded judges... Anywayz, for all you retards blaming vaseline, VASELINE DID NADA. All this shit about Penn's rubber guard slipping and shit. HOP OFF THE PETROLEUM PENIS! Rubber guard, Penn's leg was in front on GSP's face and was wrapped against his fucking deltoid(For you idiots that dont know what a deltoid is, its the upper shoulder area). It wasnt near GSP's back. And im sure one of you dumb ignorant idiots are gonna say "well Penn's guard woulda been more effective if not for the vaseline so HA!" Well I say fuck you to that also. Im sure Penn's master strategy was to stay in on his back trying to align his ass and GSP's penis...
Mon, 02/02/09 - 09:37
@Rockabee An open weight Gran Prix style event would be awesome. UFC 100 is on the horizon, that would be a great way to start it off. Also, I was thinking they could do the whole think under the PRIDE label. They own it, it has cache amongst fighters and a whole set of fans, and best of all they could roll in the Fedor. Either way, good idea.
Mon, 02/02/09 - 10:34
There was no vaseline, shut up. I'm sure the RIVER OF SWEAT wasn't greasy at all, and had nothing to do with the fail of Penn, and neither did the ruthless bludgeoning.
Tue, 02/03/09 - 12:50
Georges actually ATE a whole jumbo size jar of Lube before the fight...this way it actually gets excreted thru the Skin causing Your whole body to be as slippery as a horny eel. Come On... 'it negated Penns rubber guard' well there would have been no problem if You had managed not to get taken down and pounded on...FFS.
Tue, 02/03/09 - 01:24
I tried to do the index for you guys but nooooo, don't trust the nOOb!
Tue, 02/03/09 - 05:07
Agree 100% with you Babcoc, Fuck Guida! And about this weight cutting thing, It works fine just the way it is and almost everybody cut weight.
Tue, 02/03/09 - 05:35
"Vaseline wasnt an issue. I didnt see Penn go for any take downs or shoot for a leg. I just saw Penn get the fucked up for about a good 20 minutes than throw in the towel. I mean if we saw Penn actually try for a shoot then yea, its questionable but he got his ass kicked. So why complain? Its just gonna make yourself look more pathetic. After all that smack talk about your opponent being a quitter and saying "if you tap cuz of strikes, your a little b*tch, thats what I say" than blaming your loss DUE TO STRIKES cuz of vaseline? Bitch please go back to your own weight division." First of all I'm fucking tired of people saying shit like "try for a shoot". I don't get why people can not say shot. I don't know why but that always irritates me. Second he did try attempt a shot. He shot on gsp pushed him against the fence and was trying to take him down. Third, that has nothing to do with anything. Why would vaseline on his back effect bj shooting on his legs? Vaseline on gsp's back and shoulders effects bj's gaurd, not his takedowns. That entire post was pointless.
Tue, 02/03/09 - 05:37
"If you would have told me before UFC 94 that we’d see eight decisions and that Machida wouldn’t be involved in one of them, I would have sprayed you with mace." Get your "Macelet" ready Ben!
Tue, 02/03/09 - 05:39
"Rubber guard, Penn's leg was in front on GSP's face and was wrapped against his fucking deltoid(For you idiots that dont know what a deltoid is, its the upper shoulder area). It wasnt near GSP's back." Yeah call everyone else an idiot then point out that bj's leg was "wrapped against his fucking deltoid (upper shoulder area)", which happens to be the first place the vasaline was rubbed. Why don't you check out the video before saying something retarded like that. Fucking dumbass.
Tue, 02/03/09 - 05:45
For the record I don't think the vaseline mattered, I'm not arguing that. Just saying, some dumb shit is being said in the comments. Just say "The vaseline didn't matter because he was getting dominated easily", fair enough, but don't say shit that's just plain wrong or irrelevant.
Tue, 02/03/09 - 06:39
I don't think Diaz's problem is wrestling per say he has pretty decent defense, it's more his build, like nick was at 170, nate is tall and lanky, skinny legs and arms, slim torso, the better wrestlers have more developed legs and a thicker torso
Tue, 02/03/09 - 07:51
lol if you watch the gif the guy is greasing his his shoulders chest and back. bj nor his corner ever said it changed the outcome of the fight jackasses. and if there was no vaseline why would the comission come in AND if you watch the gif they rushed gsp out before the comission could actually wipe him thoroughly. and coming from a guy who beats his dick with vaseline every night you cant wipe that shit off with a brush of a towel and even with hot water that stuff just gets gooier. you guys are totally one sided and are more on the fact that BJ loss than GSP cheating up to 3 people. im starting to think greg jackson's camp has been doing that for a bit. bj lost , he was out classed by the champion of a different weight class..good job he was the underdog anyways and he is still a champ. and to say vase doesnt help pass guard or negate a rubber guard you dont know jits. and also an effective rubber guard nulifies GnP tards. one sided fans kill mma. @the truth lol not get taken down by a takedown beast naturally 20 lbs heavier...less gspenis gargling and you would probably make sense
Tue, 02/03/09 - 07:53
vasoline is great, it made it much easier for me to molest those little kids.
Tue, 02/03/09 - 09:12
So let me get this straight, GSP used vaseline to negate BJ's rubber guard. But was GSP using a rubber? Why didn't he just go bareback?
Tue, 02/03/09 - 11:59
The only time when its okay to rub vasaline on another dude's back is when your in jail. even then, its still not okay.
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