(With tailored suits like that he’s just as slick outside the Octagon.)

After an exhausting and entertaining UFC 94, we sat down with our Cage Potato Super Computer and churned out the arbitrary numerical data for the relevant parties.  It wasn’t easy, but dammit, it was necessary.

Georges St. Pierre +361

Whether you think he was greased up or not, he put a beating on B.J. Penn that can’t be explained away (Vaseline didn’t help him dodge jabs or score takedowns, after all).  He showed up in great shape, with a great game plan, and proceeded to do exactly what he said he would.  GSP is an absolute monster, and at just 27 years old he’ll dominate the division for the foreseeable future.  Good luck, Thiago Alves.  You’ll need it.

B.J. Penn -86

He’s still the best lightweight in the world.  Let’s hope this beating convinced him to stay in the division where he truly belongs.  If you’re going to be the smaller man in the fight, you’d better be more active and in better shape.  He was neither, and he paid the price.  Now give KenFlo his shot.

Vaseline + 590

To hear Penn’s trainers talk, you’d think it was a magical substance.  Just a dash and you become a guard-passing, ground-and-pounding machine.  We may find out how responsible it is for GSP’s success, because after this incident the athletic commissions will be watching closely, as will the UFC.

Lyoto Machida +234

If you would have told me before UFC 94 that we’d see eight decisions and that Machida wouldn’t be involved in one of them, I would have sprayed you with mace.  But lo and behold, he not only finishes his fight but gets Knockout of the Night. Truly, this kind of Machida performance is the Halley’s Comet of the MMA world.  If he can keep this up we’d actually be eager to see him get a title shot.

Thiago Silva -52

He got beaten by a better fighter, pure and simple.  No shame in it, but no title shot in it either.  Back to the middle of the pack.  As if it wasn’t crowded enough there.

Jon Jones +108

He’s young, humble, and has a ton of talent.  He’s been a pro for less than a year, but if the UFC gives him time to develop he could really go places.  He needs to work on finishing fights, and he seemed to run out of gas a little in the last round, but with spinning back elbows like that he may not have to go the distance very often.

Stephan Bonnar -68

His toughness isn’t a question after hanging in for all that punishment and even mounting a minor comeback in the third, but it’s clear now that he’ll probably never be an elite fighter at 205.  Dana seems to love him, though, so he’ll get to hang around a little while longer.

Clay Guida +45

The Guida who sticks to his gameplan isn’t as exciting as the one who brawls like the Tasmanian Devil, but he is more successful.  He did enough to get that Fight of the Night bonus, so don’t expect him to change it up any time soon.

Nate Diaz -33

Despite his slick submissions and classic Diaz arm-punch striking style, there’s a wrestling-shaped hole in his game.  If he didn’t know it before, he does now.  Particularly in the lightweight division, that’s a weakness he can’t afford not to address.

Karo Parisyan +27

He didn’t look great doing it, but he survived an early scare and got the split decision victory.  We certainly hope he doesn’t still think of himself as “too talented to train” after his last couple uninspired performances.

Dong Hyun Kim -10

He lost to a more experienced fighter, but showed some potential.  Let’s hope the UFC keeps him around long enough to give him a chance to become something.

Jon Fitch +48

He did exactly what we all expected, in exactly the fashion we thought he would.  This isn’t big news, but at least the Fitch train is back on track, even if it’s rolling through the dark portion of the pay-per-view.

Akihiro Gono +3

Yes, he lost, but he put up a fight worthy of something other than the heaviest underdog on the card, and his entrance alone is worth a little something.  If only he could carry some of that excitement into the Octagon.

Superfights +92

Nothing like a champion-versus-champion affair to create a buzz and sell out an arena.  Next up, Anderson Silva-GSP?  Yes, please.